Why Women Should Never Split The Check

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition – Timothy Leary

When was the last time you paid for a date? This week I was reading one of my favorite dating advice blogs by dating expert Evan Marc Katz. He listed an interesting mix of articles and websites that had caught his attention, the #2 most visited being a link to poll results done by LearnVest about who should pick up the check on a date. Ultimately the popular answer was the man or (in the case of same-sex relationships) whoever asks.

My reaction was, “Are we still talking about this?” If you’re on the fence about who pays for a date, let me put your mind at ease, the man.

When men take a woman on a date they aren’t just paying for a meal or a movie, they are paying the price of their un-originality. Men should never complain about having to pay for a date that they’ve planned. There are multiple inexpensive to free options for a date but it takes a little more brainpower than a ratings search on Urban Spoon. If you’re a man who can’t think outside of the box then you’re really paying for your lack of creativity.

Dating will eventually cost money, it can be expensive but the first date doesn’t have to cost a dime. If it does it should come out of the man’s pocket. If you would, for whatever reason, like a woman to contribute on a date it’s best to tell her before hand.

If a man suggests to a woman, “Hey, I know parking can be expensive would it be okay if you just split the cost of a cab?” If the woman likes you, she’ll agree or she’ll back out of the date. If he waits until you’re at the attendant’s booth then leans over and says, “Do you have any cash?” That’s when tempers flair. The best way to avoid this dilemma if you’re a woman is to avoid men who are likely not to pay for a date but that’s another post.

If you’re a woman who has a problem with a man paying for a date, get help. Cure yourself. What I have found is that we are a culture that’s accustomed to saying “No, thank you,” instead of just “Thank you.” Some Women don’t know how to be grateful. (yeah, I said it) While we are a gender who feels under appreciated we fail to give appreciation when a man does something nice for us. Women constantly assume, “If he pays for meal wont’ he expect me to sleep with him?”

Well, Bank of America expects me to make a payment on time, that doesn’t always happen. Expectations are like opinions; we all have them. There is nothing a woman can do to prevent a man from expecting or wanting anything. What a woman can do is be expressively grateful, thank the man for his time and his respect. The amazing thing about men is that when you praise them a little, they are less likely to want to lose that respect. He’s less likely to act like an asshole. Basically, a pat on the back goes a long way.

And again women will say, “Well, why should I thank him for doing what he’s supposed to do?” As a child we were given incentives for doing what we were supposed to do. Those gold stars for having manners, sharing and cleaning up our messes still mean a lot to some people.

Don’t deny someone else just because you don’t need them anymore…. and um, because it works. I’ve been on a few dates where I was apprehensive about if the man was going to take care of the bill. I hated that feeling. Its uncertainty and that’s not the feeling you want out of a man; women want security. A woman wants to feel like a man is capable of taking care of her it makes her feel safe in his presence. If I’m unsure if a man is going to pay for me when we go out, I’m not 100% sure he’s going to push me out-of-the-way of danger.

When a man doesn’t pay for a date it feels like he’s looking out for himself that is not an appealing quality for a relationship.

As important as it is for a man to feel that he should pay for a date, it’s just as important for a woman to believe she should be paid for. Everyone who disagrees can just date each other and split the tab.

Who paid for your last date, how did you feel about it? I want to know.

I hope this was helpful.

19 thoughts on “Why Women Should Never Split The Check

  1. biological FACTS. women are programmed to find a suitor to procreate with. They search for the finest they can obtain. Sometimes they settle for one whos realistically in their range, though they may secretly be knocked up by someone else. The good ol cuckolding. Its why women are so petty amongst eachother, all subconsciously and some overtly so vying for the best potential mate. Men, we are programmed to spread our seed. We see something pretty we desire and we go after it. TIMELINE. First we clubbed women over the head. Eventually we trade for them with SHEEP. It took a jealous king who first “put a ring on it” for that tradition to start. Tis true fair maidens, there is only ONE creature on this earth this is monogamous for life, and its not a penguin or human. With all that said, lets analyze some of this hogwash shall we? Men are SUPPOSED to pay for the date? Outdated preconceived notion. This is not 1970 anymore. If you women want to bitch about how you are INDEPENDANT, then be that. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Most of you rely on your looks to get you where you want to be. So lets be realistic. Those looks fade. So if men are SUPPOSED to follow such outdated traditions, keep in mind what happens in the long run. We like our torys to be shiny lustrious and new. When you looks fade, and youve been playing the “supposed to” game with us, well our next step we are SUPPOSED to do is trade YOU in for a new younger sexier model.
    Women get with the program. Chivalry is dead and YOU killed it. You took advantage of the guys doing the nice things. Some of you went on dates even though you werent interested in a guy just to get a free meal at a nice eatery. Did the girl tell the guy upfront hey youre not getting laid tonight and im not even interested in you? NOOOO. Yet we are supposed to say hey lets split a cab or tab upfront? PREPOSTEROUS. Its a brave new world. And women are buying beauty in a can. Better think again if you think that same ol song and dance will work. Bring something else to the table and keep a guys attention. Foot the bill. Watch his eyes light up as he thinks dammmn now THIS girl is a keeper. You women fight to hold on to your good looks and long healthy hair for the sole purpose of landing a guy to take care of you. Thats your biological mission. Ours is to spread our seed. If you think about it, women should have been buying US the dinner all along. All because of one lousy jealous king….

    1. Realistic Guy, I think you made some great points, thanks for commenting. Times have changed and its not Kings wanting to claim women like property its also about the evolution of products being sold as expressions of love and affection. Back in the day a man killed something for you or built you a house if he wanted to be your husband these days women are still looking for those signs of affection but many men are trying to treat dating like an even playing field. Every woman is of course looking for a man capable of taking care of her because we have to have babies. If a woman gets pregnant by a man she would prefer he have some kind of intrinsic desire to be a provider. Although the first date isn’t an exact measure for that, women are definitely checking to see if this man can make her feel secure and taken care of. But understand that there are alot of women out there who are attractive and plan on staying that way for a long time. If a man falls for a woman’s looks its not a bad thing because a man’s looks will also fade. What woman wants to be stuck with a man who isn’t that good-looking, isn’t that interesting and still makes her pay half for dinner? That ain’t no kind of deal. I go on alot of dates and I never pay because I’m secure in the fact that I’m willing to spend time with a man even when a date doesn’t cost any money if he’s incredible appealing. If he’s just so-so, then I’m going need at least a Riesling to listen to him drone on about work. Women are far more interesting than men in my opinion. The bottom line is: my philosophy is in dating singles should take control. Don’t accept who is going to pay being a surprise, also don’t pay if you don’t think you should- man or woman. That means you aren’t in control of the situation. overall I just want women to understand that men have no problem paying and most do pay, women in return should give a man what he’s truly paying for, her company, attention, affection, charm etc. Its been my experience that when it comes to women, men don’t want our money. Alot of men are looking to find relationship too.

    2. A man who doesn’t want to pay for a date only goes to show he doesn’t have money. As simple as that. Cause men are supposed to show off what they got. If they won’t pay means they just can’t pay.

    3. What ignorance. Men like you are just self-centered, selfish human beings who use women. I have met a few like you. Will never date people like you.

  2. “women are far more interesting than men in my opinion.”
    where did you get that from? highly subjective…but it is your opinion.

    “If you’re a man who can’t think outside of the box then you’re really paying for your lack of creativity.
    Dating will eventually cost money, it can be expensive but the first date doesn’t have to cost a dime. ”

    AMEN to that!

    my first dates are exclusively dive bars or pubs at night. I pay her a drink or two, make out and then take it from there. (if it aint cliking or I do not find her appealing, I dont pay for her and call it off)

    Date no2. if I did not end up at her place in date 1, is usually a bottle of wine at my place or hers, or if it’s good weather a picnic with a bottle of wine and then back to my place.

    I avoid dinner dates like the plague, if she insists on going, she is paying half.

    I only invite them on dinner dates (and pay for them) on their bdays or xmas or once every 6 months if she is my gf.

    I almost always strive for “cheap” dates , cuz the value is not in the money but the quality of the dates. There are a lot of things to do that are a lot of fun for cheap.

    If her only idea of fun is going to a 5 star restaurent and going on expensive trips, I’m opting out of that arrangement!

    1. Thanks for commenting! I think its great that you have an idea of where your boundaries are and what you are willing and not willing to do. Its easy to feel a person out and determine if they are flexible and down for your plan. Also having personal guidelines allows you to avoid trying to impress someone who really isn’t interested in you. It may take a woman a few dates to decide if she’s into a guy so it isn’t always in the man’s best interest to shell out alot of money for each one. Also, everyone is not compatible and not all women are comfortable being paid for so if you find a woman that you’re really into and she loves dive bars and picnics then dating won’t cost much money at all. I think its important to have a realistic expectation of who is paying. Neither party should be surprised or offended by how the bill gets paid. It should be a personal decision or requisite that one makes before they even agree to the date, in the first place.

  3. Hmmm – if you expect the guy “to pay” & “to take care of you” … don’t expect him to like you, less still hang around. We guys have been raised with feminism rammed down our throats, being told how “you go girl” women don’t need men and are independent. And all parts of society, including the legislature, have been changed to favor you. But hold on,you also want to keep everything about traditional relationships that benefit you ?..like the guy paying for everything..from dates to three months salary for a useless rock you can show off to your girlfriends if you get engaged. With that kind of sense of entitlement it’s no wonder guys now only want to ‘hook up’ with american women … and that the number of unmarried women in the U.S now greatly outnumbers the number of married women.

    As for women being more interesting than men – that’s probably true if you’re only interested in gossiping & talking about your weight … I mean e.g. Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Newton, Michelangelo, Mozart, Beethoven, FDR, Churchill, Einstein, Dylan, Brando, Lennon & Hendrix were really, really boring people next to Oprah and Tyra, after all.

  4. I do not entirly agree with this article.. I always propose to pay, or else not split the check. Only if the guy still insists after that I let him pay. Guys seem to like this. I might be a true romantic person, but I do feel bad if he has to pay for everything, it is the gesture that counts not the amount of money he spends on you. It is the love and affection that counts, not if he wants to buy you the world Women should not turn into gold-diggers… So to all you women out there reading this: always be prepared to split the check or even pay everything, not saying that you have to pay every single time, but guys do apreciate it if you are paying sometimes aswell!!

    1. Thanks for reading. The point I was trying to make is simply this, don’t be so inflexible about the date that a man has to break the bank but let the man plan the date according to his budget. Men and women approach dating differently and the truth is sometimes women put in more effort just preparing for a date than a man might, showing up and paying. It isn’t always the case but it happens. If a man asks you out, accept that he will take care of the accommodations. If he asks you to sit outside a stadium and enjoy the music resonating from the speakers don’t be a snob & say no because ‘that’s not what you had in mind’. The idea of the post is to let the man plan and pay for the date. Be flexible be grateful and have a good time. If you don’t want him to pay or feel like you might have to, simply suggest something free. I appreciate the comment.

  5. You are a fucking mooch and you need to get a job that pays enough money to buy a goddamn beer. We all do it, grow up, go back to school, put down the waitressing towel and do something that actually contributes to society. If a woman is unable to unwilling to pay for things in this country of “equality,” she is worthless in more ways then one.

    “women in return should give a man what he’s truly paying for, her company, attention, affection, charm etc. Its been my experience that when it comes to women, men don’t want our money”

    This statement is offensive as you are calling my mother and my sister and my female friends prostitutes. READ THIS WOMEN: Do NOT believe these lies and sell your “company” to the highest bidder! And miss solomon if you need to get smashed on a bottle of wine to simply withstand the presence of a male you are engaging, then you too are a prostitute.

  6. @makeherpayinnature: you are a cheap low class person and never on earth would I want to have even one single date with you. You do not exhibit a protective and providing vibe that real men should have.

    “I avoid dinner dates like the plague, if she insists on going, she is paying half. ”
    This is just disgusting. You were probably not brought up to give your sit to an elderly in a public transportation either.

    I remind you that by nature , we women are more nurturing, we are mothers to be, and physically we are more fragile and weaker. Yes, we can pay for the dates because we work, and yes we are equal to men intellectually (sometimes much smarter too), but most jobs still show incredible inequalities between the salaries of men and women.

    The feminist movement did some good but it also did tones of bad. It has confused the genders, and the dynamics between the sexes has changed much faster than the reality of the job market (the rank, the position, the salary : men remain dominant ).

    I am a Computer Engineer, I have worked with guys most of my life, I am all about equality when it comes to knowledge and work. But until the reality of the work space and the rights of women are really equal to those of men, there is no way one this earth that I will date someone who hints we should split the bill. No WAY !

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with the points that you made, I’ll also add that you have to do what works for you. I think women should be treated when they’re invited on a date. To some that might sound old fashioned but for me and the women I coach it sets a boundary and a standard that helps to identify what type of man you’re dating. Thanks again for sharing.

  7. I was taught by my dad that, if I want to be treated like an equal, I should act like one. That means buying my own drinks, paying for my own ticket, and either taking turns paying for dinner or splitting the check. He also taught me that I shouldn’t put out for every guy that takes me on a date– and if I’m not going to put out, then I’m sort of obliged to pay out.

    Of course, I’m also not a cute little femme girl. I get confused for a bull dyke a lot. I guess my dad knew that, if I was going to have a chance with any guy, it was not going to be a guy that wanted a precious delicate flower to tend and protect.

  8. Of course, I probably shouldn’t comment on a dating board. I’ve been out of that game for almost eighteen years, even since I met my hubby.

  9. Sarah,

    Could not agree more. I can’t actually believe this is a topic of conversation. I have been on 16 second dates since the beginning of may and let’s say 100 dates in my entire life. I am 27 years old. Of the 16 second dates I have recently had, every one of them was suggested by the man, the man picked the restaurant, and the bills ranged from $85-115. One man allowed me to spilt the check. He was the last of the 16. I was horrified. I got up as soon as it was clear that he was going to allow me to split the bill with him and walked to the bar and had the bartender split the bill so that I did not have to spend even one additional moment in his presence. I fanned a hug goodbye and left him standing in the street as I lived close by and he needed to catch a cab. He texted moments later suggesting we go out for a third date. I almost wanted to say something about how totally disgusted I was to think he thought I would want to see him a third time. Get real dude! I controlled myself and said nothing about how classless his behavior was but I did shoot him down cold. He told me that if I changed my mind at any-point I should let him know.

    Of the 100 dates I have had in my entire life, only 2 men (including the man I just spoke of) has ever let me split the check. Both stick out to me as repulsive incidents and I am embarrassed for both of these men. Let me clarify that a ‘date’ is not the same as being in a relationship, date’s w/ a boyfriend are a different ballgame entirely. But yes, the man should absolutely pay on a non-relationship date. You know why? Because for the 1 guy that doesnt, there are dozen’s that do, and you come out looking cheap and rude.

    I will also add a little context – I am a vegetarian and almost always order an appetizer as main dish, I usually tap out at 1, but at a maximum, 2 glasses of wine. So, my meatless appetizer is usually around 8 dollars, and my wine is also 8 bucks. With tax and tip that’s a 20 dollar meal. I have no interest in paying for you 4 jack and cokes and main course of meat or fish when your meal cost you 80 bucks. Have some class.

    I view this as a predicator to what a man is like to date. Is he generous or cheap, not just about money but about everything. I am not dating unsuccessful men, I make a lot of money and so does everyone who makes it to date 2 – not because I’m a gold digger but because as a successful ambitious ivy educated woman I deserve something similar in my partner.

    Whoever drives pays for gas. Whoever cooks pays for ingredients. Whoever asks for the date pays for the date. I never ask for the date and I am in high demand – any man who thinks I should pay for his company is out of his mind. I would choose paying for dinner with a girlfriend and catching up over dinner w/ said stranger. Also, men who are not generous at a basic appropriate level make it impossible for most women to be generous without feeling exploited. For example, date 6-8 I usually invite the man to my home and a cook dinner that costs 100+ dollars and multiple hours to prepare. Should I charge him for my time and the ingredients. I also always stock my home with the amenities and food preferences of the man I am dating. I will surprise him with tickets to a sports game/concert or lift tickets to go skiing. The point is that I am thoughtful. Being thoughtful in the way in which I am ends up costing hundreds of dollars, if not more, over the first 3-4 months while feeling out the situation. During that time if a man didn’t pay for my meals, I wouldn’t be able to express reciprocity and thoughtfulness in the way I would want to.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I think it’s very insightful and exactly the point I try to make. I believe men should plan a date that doesn’t cost a lot of money and have a great time getting to know the woman he’s on a date with. There are so many creative and inexpensive dates that there is no excuse at this point in time to be splitting the check.

      1. If I’m supposed to pay for the date just because I am a guy, then you’re supposed to put out, because you’re the woman.

        Or, wait, we could realize that gender roles are stupid, whether they affect men or women, and let people do what they want. I can afford to pay for dates. I don’t because I have no desire to be around someone who requires me to pay them for their company.

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