We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.
~ Fydor Dostoevsky
Call it picky but I completely understand.
You don’t want to be with the wrong person just because you want a relationship. Plus, there are so many people in relationships who are unhappy that taking the extra time to pick a partner seems wise, I feel ya. It’s just too bad most single people can’t articulate these sentiments and while one of your date’s eyes might have been larger than the other, what the world hears is “I’m picky.”
If you’re unsure whether you are too picky or just overly decisive, I’ve come up with four kinds of picky people. (one of them might just be you)
People afraid of rejection so they refuse to get close to anyone.
Some people have suffered so much in past relationships that they just don’t feel lovable. They don’t want to risk someone getting to know them and not liking them. They make excuses to avoid engaging with others because they are afraid of falling for someone and being vulnerable again. These people fear their inability to recover if the relationship were to end.
People who have a version of what they want in their mind and refuse to be flexible.
These people don’t see the potential in prospective partners to offer what they are looking for. They only see the exterior package. They only see external attributes instead of the intrinsic nature of someone’s personality. They focus solely on what love should look like and not what it should feel like.
People who don’t know what they want but can’t admit it.
Many of us don’t know what we want. One day we’re dating a blue-collar mechanic then the next a lawyer and the next an artist or the very next a high-powered executive. Having a variant dating resume isn’t always about being picky, some singles enjoy the experiences but if you find that none of these options quite satisfy you, its possible that you just aren’t sure what you’re looking for. Even after it takes the trouble to find you.
People who are unrealistic about what they offer.
While these people think they can attract the crème de la crème, they fail to realize that what they have already been attracting is the best that they will get. To them, they are holding out for someone who is “good enough” yet they fail to realize that they are not “good enough” for what they’re looking for. Despite evidence to the contrary, these people still believe they can do better than their current options.
You may fit into one of these categories. When people call you picky and you try to defend yourself, understand that it’s not natural not to connect with others. For the most part humans have an inherent empathy that allows us to relate to each other. If you find that you can’t connect with other singles on any level you may be too picky.
Why do you feel that no one you date is good enough?
It’s possible that you are scared of being rejected, afraid of letting anyone get to know you. It’s also a possibility that you think you deserve a ten when in reality ten’s don’t want you. You may need to face these facts and end your pickiness once and for all.
If you have met potential dates and haven’t found a connection with any of them, the problem is probably with you, not them. There is a difference between being discerning and being picky. One is supposed to help you while the other hurts you. Instead of protecting yourself from the dangers of dating, being picky only puts up walls that prevent you from embracing the pleasures.
If you’re guilty of being too picky, I suggest asking yourself three simple questions:
“Could this person love me?”
“Could this person provide a life I’ll enjoy?”
“Is this person worthy of my trust?”
If the answers are yes, give them a chance, simple as that.