“Technology does not run an enterprise, relationships do”- Patricia Fripp
Everyone is obsessed with the lengths texting has taken dating in the last few years.
It’s become a standard form of communication for many singles who are just too lazy, scared or immature to pick up the f*cking phone and use it for what it’s for, making calls. I know first hand how helpful the advancement of smart phones have been to single men and women.
As a past player myself, text messages and my former favorite app ‘straight to voicemail’, have allowed me to reach out to dates who otherwise I would avoid. I understand the frustrations some people have with texting because I am guilty of over texting. As a woman with challenges in intimacy the text allows me to seem like I care without actually having to care. To be honest, I just don’t feel like I have the time to devote all of my brain cells to a phone call. And honestly, I haven’t met a man of late whose voice I care to hear.
Maybe it’s my dude side but I absolutely hate talking to the opposite sex on the phone. First of all, some part of my hearing doesn’t distinguish deep voices anyway. But that’s just me. If you live far away I might hit you up on Skype, *updated to whatsapp since 2014 but when you don’t hear the phone ring, that’s me calling.
To be fair, there are men who I really like, that I have never had a conversation with over the phone because I just don’t want to get that close to them. But I will say that texting has done one thing for dating and communication that every person can be thankful for, separating who’s into you and from who is just playing around. I’m not sure how single men feel about it but single women are fed up with texting as a sole form of communication. *this still remains to be true.
If feels like anyone who would rather text you, then call you hasn’t made you a priority. I understand the benefits of the written word better than anyone but as a dating expert, I also understand how frustrated many women have become with the text game. And hint, once you send those naked pictures, you aren’t getting them back.
I’m all for technology but it doesn’t make you old-fashioned if you don’t like it. It also doesn’t make you weird if you’d rather not date via text. So for anyone who wants to make it out the text game a winner, here’s how.
It might sound rude but the best way to get the attention of an avid texter, when you aren’t one, is to not respond.
If you meet someone, exchange numbers and they send you a text, even the most innocent “it was a pleasure to meet you”, don’t respond. This is a great way to determine what I call who is ’bout it. If someone really likes you, they’ll text you again. If their confidence hinges on your attention, then they won’t and maybe you don’t want to date that person anyway.
The telltale sign is if someone who talked a big game in person doesn’t follow up with it, just because you didn’t respond to their text. They never meant to take you out anyway.
If you’re a woman and you can appreciate a gentleman, wait for a phone call. The strongest message you can send that new age dating isn’t for you, is not to send one.
Tell Them to Call
Many women don’t want to put their foot down in dating, and I’m not sure why.
Women have the power. If a man starts getting into the habit of texting you, and you are sick of it, send them a simple response, ‘Call me when you can,’ ‘Call me when you get home’ ‘Call me in a bit’. I don’t care how you want to spin it. If someone who is into you will call you. Men always say they don’t know what women want, if you want a call ask for it. I don’t want to hear the argument of why don’t women call if it’s such a big deal. I’m not calling because I don’t want to.
If you don’t like it, move on to the next. As I often say, dems da rules. Women should not be afraid that a man will move on if you ask him to call you, how messed up is that logic? If a man wants to date you, and you require phone calls, he’ll call. If he doesn’t want to date you then he’ll move on. The idea is that it’s ok to ask for him to invest. On a date, when a man pays, you’re asking him to invest because you’re investing in return. Asking for a phone call is no different.
I want to make it clear that I endorse texting as a great tool and I encourage everyone to do it. The idea isn’t to abolish all texting, the point is to establish effective communication. Singles should not, however, let technology take the place of you having balls. I won’t accept a date via text if I don’t want to.
Make it clear that you prefer to be called, if you do.
If your potential date doesn’t get that just keep them as a friend, or move on. You don’t want someone in your life who isn’t flexible, and you don’t want to get so caught up in the written words that you forget the intentions behind them. The problem isn’t texting, the problem is texting more than talking. If you’re in a purely textual relationship, you’re probably getting led on.