“Strangers are friends you have yet to meet”
Has this ever happened to you…
you meet a guy that you like, and you have a great conversation. You’re flirting laughing and seemingly having a great time. You’re sure he’s going to ask for your number and you can’t wait until your first date. The perfect scenario is playing out in your mind but what happens next is a combination of faith, luck and extreme discipline.
As exciting as it is, I know all too well how easily women can blow it with men. That’s right I said blow it. There are just so many ways for a woman to fail if there aren’t intentional during the interaction. Taking the steps from being strangers to dating can be filled with booby traps. Women have more control over the interaction than they realize so it’s to the woman to get things right.
Now before you get your panties in a bunch I’m not talking about each and every man you date. Some men you just aren’t going to be into. I’m talking about that really hot guy, that you just meet, that you really liked, and you think has boyfriend potential. Before you’re first meeting while you’re waiting for the very first phone call here are a few activities to avoid.
So here are my tips of what you shouldn’t do immediately after you meet a man that you’re really feeling.
Don’t Plan For The Future
Women have this uncanny ability to imagine a future so clear and distinct that she might stop seeing a guy who she doesn’t envision will get along with her Nana. Before you start thinking about what he’ll wear when you bring him to Christmas dinner or if you should take his last name or hyphen yours, stop. Take a breath and step away from the bridal magazines.
I don’t have to remind you, that you just met him but you just met him. Who cares if he’ll get along with your best friend from college, or your great Aunt from Texas, he might not even get along with you. You met a nice guy at the bar or the grocery store and he promised to call, that’s awesome. I’m going to ask you nicely not to waste one second of thought on the future.
No us, no we, no our…nothing. Live your life. The minute you find yourself thinking about him or talking about him, stop. You met a man, he has potential, it’s all very exciting but you need to live your life just as you were.
Don’t Internet Stalk Him
So I met this guy and he gave me his business card. After taking a few seconds to actually wrap my brain around why he would even think that I would call him, I put it somewhere away and have not looked at it since. As easy as it would be for me to put my No.1 female detective agency skills to the test I didn’t.
Anything you want to know about a man he should tell you.
Of course there are those unique instances when you Google a name and tons of bad sh*t comes up like rape charges, and born a female headlines but the chances of your judgment being so impaired that you have to know everything about this man before your very first date are slim. If you’re interested in using Facebook just to be sure you remember what he looks like, I will give you a pass but if you’re trying to check his profile just to see what girls are in his pictures, shame on you.
Don’t Call Him
If a man gives you his business card, DO NOT CALL HIM! Look at him crazy, side-eye him, laugh at him, grab his phone and add yourself to his contacts but DO NOT CALL HIM! Many women make the mistake of just taking the business card, smiling and ending the interaction. You need to give him your number, or give him your business card in exchange and be clear that you want him to call.
Now, some men won’t call they will text, we know this.
If a man texts you and you would prefer that he call, then tell him that. If you must call, you need to be clear of why you’re calling. If he gave you his business card and like a sucker you walked away without allocating your information then you will need to call for him to have your name and number. I want to be clear, you’re not calling to chat and you surely aren’t calling to ask him out.
If you must absolutely call a man it’s only to give him an opportunity for him to ask you out.
Once you put the ball in a man’s court then you have to be patient. Don’t put your entire life on pause waiting for him to follow up with you. Just wait. I know it sucks and sometimes men take forever but wait. Be patient. Don’t plot or plan or rush; just wait. If he takes what you would consider an unreasonable length of time to contact you then feel free to move on but once you pitch the ball don’t run to mound and try to swing at it, wait.
I have a formula for men that I believe truly works when it comes to courting a woman. It involves some strategic texting and a little initiative. If a man wants to see you immediately and you have the time, be flexible. Okay, so he didn’t invite you three days beforehand, give the guy a bit of a break especially if you want to see him. I’m not saying drop all of your plans and race to his house but compromise.
When you meet someone who you really like, it’s crazy great but it’s a feeling that only lasts (sometimes until you get to know them) a short while. Hold on to it. Don’t try to replace it with love instantly. It’s like laying down in bed and realizing how tired you are or sitting in front of a hot meal and thinking, “Man I’m hungry.”
Meeting a man who has potential reminds a lot of women how long it’s been since they’ve had a date or a boyfriend. Sometimes it reminds you that you’re lonely or ready for something real. All of those feelings can be overwhelming so it’s important to keep the proper perspective. Don’ t be so caught up in the opportunity that you forget to enjoy the man or the process. He is not a means to an end, he’s not your Prince Charming, or at least you don’t know yet.
Be patient enough to let the courtship unfold naturally. Be relaxed in the dating process, you’ll have far more success. I hope this was helpful. Leave your comments below.