What Single Successful Smart Men Want From A Woman And It’s Not Sex

Don’t try to be different.  Just be good.  To be good is different enough.  ~Arthur Freed

Recently a friend of mine tagged me in Facebook in a note, one of my least favorite things. Usually I ignore notes as they’re often mindless rants about something I don’t give a shit about but this one caught my eye. Mainly due to the title: Why is it so difficult to find a woman with great qualities?

I thought about this whole-heartedly because I wanted to give a great answer not just to my friend, who concurs his friends’ grapple with the same dilemma constantly but to my readers. And trust me I know the answer! But before we get to that, I want you to read in his own words, what this man wants in a woman.

This isn’t me telling you what men are looking for. This is a MAN telling you what men are looking for.

Now, if you’re anything like me unless Paul Walker tags me in a note, I could careless about what any other man wants. Men will get what I give them but if you’re not like me, (but just as smart obviously because you’re reading this blog) you might be curious to the validity of my friend’s desires.

Let’s face it, we all want a great partner but if we aren’t wonderful ourselves that aspiration is simply unrealistic. The reality of being picky in today’s dating market is that; many people just can’t afford to be if they contribute less value than who they desire. You can’t buy a Bentley with Honda money so if you aren’t a qualified buyer you need to get your ass off the lot.

Hill Harper often suggests that too many women vie for that 5% of men that the entire population is lusting over. No matter what she may have to offer most women want that good job having, ivy-league educated, raised in a good home with no kids and has a subscription to Esquire magazine kind of man. The man who would buy everyone drinks, knows how to be a gentleman and has been to Asia kind of man.

The kind of man that when she tell her friends, “Girl, you know what this man did?” It’s going to be good news and they’ll all be jealous. Well, I know this man and he’s trying to tell the good women of the world, what he wants.

To my friends who may be able to offer some type of solace. Why is it so difficult to find a smart, ambitious, beautiful, feminine, fashionable, classy, non-drama-having, non-prejudice, modest, cool, girl? Why you may ask do I list these qualities, well here is the reasoning.

1. I like smart girls. They don’t have to be a PhD or have as many degrees as me, but they must be smart be able to hold a conversation and have an opinion. I said have an opinion! In fact, let me digress there is a difference between having an opinion about a topic and speaking your mind when appropriate. Learn the difference.

2. I prefer ambitious women who have not become complacent with their situation. Improvement is always welcome. Independence is fantastic.

3. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman and a beautiful woman in my eyes is not the same as the world’s eyes.

4. I like girly girls. Being feminine is not over rated, we know you’re a woman; don’t try to hang with the boys.

5. I like to look good. I like to be with a woman who has a sense of style, who looks good, if not for herself, than for me. Additionally being able to “clean up” well is a good trait, especially when the little black dress comes out.

6. Classy is so I can rule out all “ghetto-ness”. I wasn’t born in the hood, I am not from the hood, I’m not going to the hood, and I have nothing to do with the hood. So don’t bring that bullsh*t to my table. I’m not in the mood for a confrontation; I’m in the mood for a conversation.

7. I don’t like drama. We all have family issues, money issues, school issues, work issues, etc., but beyond that I don’t have time for baby mamas, baby daddies, children, and all other nonsense. Keep the drama at home. By the way if you have any of the latter, I’m not interested.

8. I’m sick and tired of meeting women who have preconceived notions and stereotypes about black men. I am not every black man! Read that again, I AM NOT EVERY BLACK MAN. I am not your past boyfriends, I am not your future boyfriend, I am the present. Get your mind right ladies.

9. I don’t like the girls who think their sh*t don’t stink. You’re sh*t smells just as much as the next one’s. In fact, your smug attitude makes you worse off. Go clean yourself.

10. Cool girls are much better than wack girls. The cooler a girl is the more attractive she is. Every man knows this. Look ladies, just be COOL if you know what I’m talking about then you already understand, if you don’t know, go ask someone.

To those I may have offended I’m sorry, and to those with an opinion, your comments are welcome.

In my opinion, he has a right to raise his standards when it comes to dating. He’s worked considerably hard to be a person of quality, character, substantial intelligence and he’s pretty cute. And Ladies, I want you to get this man, I do. I’m no matchmaker but you shouldn’t have to settle when the men you’re looking for are also looking for you! So why can’t you two find each other?

That’s a really great question, one that I will answer tomorrow.

Do you think this woman exist or are these qualities unrealistic? The Dating Truth wants to know?

*The Bachelor/author hails from Massachusetts. When he’s not being incredibly sexy and smart earning his Ph’D in Milwaukee, he enjoys flying planes as well as shopping.

23 thoughts on “What Single Successful Smart Men Want From A Woman And It’s Not Sex

  1. It’s totally reasonable to want someone like that. At the very least, he has some idea of what he wants. I’d even agree with most of it, although I am 99.99901% sure there is no such thing as a “non-drama-having” female. That’s like dividing by zero… bad things would happen… worlds would end… my phone would stop vibrating.

  2. Raising one’s standards is all good, but honestly…he come across as a touch mean. And how’s a girl supposed to know whether her issues cross the line into “drama” for him? (No, I have no “baby daddy” stuff.) I just often feel like people throw “I don’t want drama” around as a way of (subconsciously?) saying, “I don’t really want to have to care about your problems.” Perhaps I’m wrong–and would be thrilled if I were.

    1. From what most men tell me, drama is like the new word for insecurity and jealousy. baby-mama, baby- daddy aside what I think the writer means and most men actually is they don’t want your jealousy to fuel arguments and other dramatic events. When I think of what women do that could be classified as “drama” it’s mostly their jealousy and insecurity that gets the best of them. I don’t think he means if you can’t pay your rent or your car gets the boot or any unfortunate circumstance. I think it’s mostly about what could you have done differently not to have this problem? When men say “drama” to me I hear jealousy. I hear them saying I don’t want a woman that acts childish.

  3. Well, I suppose I am just not compatible with a fellow of this caliber:

    4. I like girly girls. Being feminine is not over rated, we know you’re a woman; don’t try to hang with the boys.

    I am feminine – I find nothing more inspirational than a woman who didn’t have to trade her femininity for power….BUT DON’T YOU EVER TELL ME THAT I CAN’T HANG WITH THE BOYS! I will hang in any social circle where I feel welcome – and that includes wearing sweatpants on a couch with a beer some nights in addition to the nights I wear cocktail dresses and 4 inch heels sipping on wine.

    1. I ride a Dirtbike “with men”, and I am one of the guys! Yet I can slip in a cocktail dress, be the girl in the room that turns heads, use proper grammar, good manners, and have an intelligent conversation. Not a man in the room would EVER guess I just cleaned up after an amazing, hardcore day of riding. I would like a man who is confident enough to handle that! Me doing what I love! . He apparently isn’t.

  4. I think #4 “we know you’re a woman; don’t try to hang with the boys.” Is not referring to social circles or even hanging out with men, nor does it seem as if the author is say that it is not sexy when a girl can rock sweat pants and drink a beer with the fellas. It seems like the author is trying to convey the message towards the concept of femininity. Regardless how a woman maintains it, the idea here is that you do maintain your feminine characteristics, features, qualities, i.e. the appeal that a man wants from a woman. I enjoy women that I can do athletic things for example go on a bike ride, jog, play tennis with, however you can still maintain your feminine nature whatever that is for the individual. It’s another thing entirely, if the women is portraying characteristics that are absolutely masculine and even worse if they are more so than the average man, for instance if a woman is going to the gym, putting up more weight than anyone, and being extra tough, diesel, aggressive, brolic for lack of a better word, then the “girly girl” may be over shadowed. For this I can see what #4 is referring too.
    Now i’m not trying to get into a debate about what are socially acceptable masculine and feminine characteristics i’m talking generalities here, otherwise this is an entirely different conversation.

    1. I agree, I think 4 is just to say, don’t compete with me. I know that men want a strong capable woman. Sometimes that comes with a “one of the boys” attitude. When you find that you’re able to change a tire, kill bugs, cook a steak, it’s easy for women to lose a little femininity. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wearing sweats and having a beer at home, I think the point is more to don’t try to be a guy because you’re good at traditional “male” things. Don’t try to be one of the guys because you like sports and drink whiskey. Just be a woman who likes those things. I will add that women are lucky. We can like masculine things and still maintain our feminine side, while men who like feminine things are seen as weak or gay. I think, the point is be a woman who enjoys being a woman. Don’t be a woman who abhors the female and girly side because she’s capable of being like a man.

  5. I think for most educated and successful men, especially men of color who have seen more than just the 8 blocks around which we grew up or the city and perhaps 8 surrounding cities where we were raised, that finding a woman or women as he describes is our preferred quest. Having been raised by strong educated matriarchs, that is what I seek in a mate. A woman with her own goals and dreams but willing to make a sacrifice of timing to help me achieve my own knowing that the lasting benefits will outweigh the short term “set back” of her own, for reciprocation is coming. it will take time and patience and a lot of “seeing what’s out there” to eventually find the right person for each of us. Overall, I couldn’t agree with him more. Except I would be willing to make concessions on her having a child, but the drama has got to be at a minimum or non-existent with her baby’s daddy. besides as you get older, the chances of finding a woman childless or having never been married drop.

  6. I think this guy is on the nose.To many women seem to have an over abundance of negative traits, and seem also to be in complete denial about it.They see themselvs as being “oh so great”,”capable”,”multi tasking”,”compasionate” people. Yet in reality they are lazy,crabby,un-intelegable,catty,overly talkative,rude,loud,dirty,selfish, and (more offten than not)simply unpleasent to be in the presence of.Not to say this is “all” women but the majority carry more than a few of these and many other disgusting traits.

  7. I hope you are not suggesting that men do not… with the exception of “catty”, that same list could better describe the vast majority of single men of viable age in this country. And,… I believe, more accurately.

    1. @Anna you might be right that the list is applicable to both sexes but this particular gentleman used his own free time and forum to share his thoughts. He’s an eligible bachelor by most women’s standards so I shared his opinion. He didn’t write his list specifically for this blog.

  8. Seem a Asian Man. Simplicity might be the key word. Good/Bad Qualities come in a Combo Meal, no one is perfect, it’s more about managing Changes in Views &Acceptance as go along. Being too mysophobia, how to include Children into the family (who enjoy getting themselves mess-up during playtimes). Not easy, but hold the faith (that “perfect” Lady of yours exist). Hmm.. Cultivating this lady to resemblance your “Air-of-a-King” in Company will take much efforts &times. Good Luck! (&good day..) [** While I think the most important trait: your Life Cheer-Leader &Supporter if any case of..]

    IRE Cheers..

    1. It says if you dont know what cool is ask someone – OK I am asking everyone – maybe each one of you could sum it up in a few sentences?

      I really empathize with what he said and very astute responses from everyone here.

  9. Just wondering if anyone caught that the word “there” in point number 9, should have been the word “their” instead. Food for thought.

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