If you met your ideal partner today would they be attracted to you?
This is a question we rarely ask ourselves until we’re met face to face with an ideal partner and we feel inferior. But why? We have been looking for someone like this for a long time so why do we feel that we aren’t right for them even though we believe they are right for us?
These questions float through our mind unanswered but we feel this way based on our past experiences. Ideas that convince us that we are not good enough for the love that we want.
There is a belief by women that if you are attractive, successful and educated men are intimidated and you will remain single. There is a belief by men that you must be rich, or fit to attract a beautiful woman. We allow ourselves to believe the messages that we see in commercials, magazines and on TV and transpose these ideas as judgments against others and ourselves.
There is a tape playing in your mind that says: you don’t have enough of what it takes so you better make do with what you have or settle. Thoughts such as…
- I wish I were thinner, smarter, prettier, funnier, taller, sexier, and then I’d have a partner.
- I know I’m not the best-looking, richest, most interesting, the most outgoing person so I have to settle for less than I want.
- I’m not that bad a person, its other people who are superficial.
- At least I’m not like (someone else, much worse off than you) they will always be single.
These pacifying soundtracks run through the mind of many singles when they’re trying to find potential dates. It’s one thing to tell yourself a lie to feel better but trying to convince others, with their own beliefs of what’s acceptable and good enough is a different story.
Your potential dates already believe, similarly to you that it takes a certain level of looks, intelligence, personality and wealth to make it in this dating world. If you don’t fit their criteria, it will be difficult for them to take you seriously as a possible prospect.
How can you change their minds?
Instead of comparing yourself to the people who have it all, start to recognize what is real and what is perceived.
How attractive do you have to be?
As attractive as you believe is acceptable. If you feel like long hair and thin waists are sexy but you don’t have either, you are failing at your own standards.
Once you set a standard for beauty, falling short of it will cripple yourself esteem. Maybe you need to be realistic. You aren’t Paul Walker, ( RIP). But are you at least the best version of yourself? Are you at least the person you want to be and representing yourself as your best self?
No? Falling short of what you consider to be attractive will only lower your perception of yourself. Instead of trying to convince the world that our standards are too superficial up level yourself. Be a person that you can be proud of and make no excuses for what you’re not.
Who can you date?
Whoever you can offer the most of yourself to, that’s who. We limit who we can date based on what we believe is required to date them. We don’t spend enough time honing in on our best qualities and sharing with the world our unique gifts that only we have.
Instead we live a comparative existence convincing ourselves that it’s ok that we’re not the best because we aren’t “the worst”. As I believe that when you aren’t your best self then by default you are the worst because you are the only one.
We have to recognize what our gifts and strengths are. Take stock in your value and identify what special qualities you have and learn how to share those gifts with others. Not only is it important to know your value but you must learn how to convey it.
What does it take to win?
You have to feel secure in who you are and know that you are the best you that you can be. If you are not accepting of your flaws, the person that you’re dating will always intimidate you.
Anyone that seems more comfortable being themselves will find you unattractive if you don’t.
In order attract the relationship you’ve been looking for you must trust that every quality you have is better than good enough; it’s incredible!
The thought of becoming a better person to find love contradicts our common belief that we should be accepted as we are. The truth is, you can only be accepted to the level that you accept yourself.
If you’re willing to improve the areas of yourself that will meet you standards or at least reflect what you’re looking for in a partner then you will bring into your life the right partner. By Universal law like attracts like.