What To Do When You Like The Wrong Person

Is your intuition is steering you wrong?

Whenever we meet potential dates we associate some cosmic, serendipitous explanation for our two worlds magically colliding. The more unusual the circumstance the more willing we are to believe it’s meant to be. Your intuition is certain that this person is the “one” but what if your inner voice is absolutely wrong?

If it were up to my intuition, I would not be in a relationship. Ever. The first time I listened to my gut, it swore up and down that I wouldn’t be happy dating my best friend. Despite the fact I was in love with him and he was always there for me. Giving me a shoulder to cry on, a back massage or a laugh. Something in my stomach told me no when logic and I guess my heart said yes.

I listened to my gut and eventually moved on.

Most recently my intuition decided to speak up and allowed me to act ambivalent with the love of my life. Of course I may never know what might have been but in that moment my gut feeling was too scared, nervous or apprehensive to commit. I would lay awake at night wrestling with emotions. My brain telling me it wasn’t normal to literally lose sleep over a man. I would tell myself that I had to come clean about my feelings but my inner voice would never let me.  That nagging sense in my belly disagreed.

I said nothing and let this wonderful man slip away into the friend zone.

There are those who trust their gut but never listen to its warnings and there are those like me, who always listen.

Today, my intuition is on probation like that family member you always lend money to, who promises they’ll pay you back. When my insight offers its two cents, I nod to mollify its words. I nod with the “Sure, of course,” attitude you might use with a child who tells you their doll is a princess.

I act like I’m listening but I do the complete opposite. It’s not that I don’t believe my gut. It’s guiding me to run because I want to run, it’s an enabler. It’s not like it’s holding a gun to my head forcing me to eat cauliflower. I just don’t trust my gut with my relationships. If it were up to my intuition I would never have any intimate relationships in the first place. I have trained my instincts so well that anytime I let my guard down, its cause for red alert. My gut immediately prompts me to put the wall back up. It will essentially start building the wall for me.

I never noticed how strong this flight response was until I started dating seriously for the first time in a long time. The minute adversity struck or I was in the way to either be hurt or grow, my stomach gave the signal to beat feet. Finally, someone smartened up. I wish it was me but it wasn’t. Someone finally decided to ask me to stop running. Don’t abandon the car, just because it has a flat tire. You can fix the tire and keep on moving toward your destination.

How was I so sure that my intuition was giving me the wrong advice?

I took a moment to be honest with myself. I liked the guy I was dating. What might I lose if I was honest? Him? Me? What is the price that you pay for listening to your gut or worse doing what it says?

I had to take his calls no matter how pissed off I was. I had to tell him how I felt although I wasn’t sure what his response would be and I had to avoid freaking out every time I felt insecure. When you’ve been single for a long time your intuition gets accustomed to avoiding pain instead of pursuing pleasure. Instead of being the carefree, voice of your spirit, your internal voice becomes a den mother to your heart. It won’t let it do anything that might cause it damage, not even expression.

I will never know if the men that I date are the loves of my life, my future soul mates, future husbands but there is only one way to find out. My gut might be telling me that intimacy is dangerous but my heart is telling me, if it’s love, it’s worth it. When your intuition warns you of potential danger, it’s probably right but in dating sometimes you just have to take a risk.

I hope this was helpful.

8 thoughts on “What To Do When You Like The Wrong Person

  1. Thanks so much for this honest piece of writing, I really appreciate it. I like it when you say ‘My gut might be telling me that intimacy is dangerous but my heart is telling me, if it’s love, it’s worth it.’ I am going to have to think about this some more……

    1. Thank you for commenting, I have often had to struggle with my intuition but I focus more on what can give the best results. I often make decisions to avoid what scares me in dating but that isn’t always the best choice. I have to force myself to step outside the box, I suggest more singles do the same. Thanks for reading.

  2. Great writing Miss Solomon and entertaining read.

    Might I put my 2 cents though – I think intuition is more of a still voice that reminds you regardless what happens you’re okay. It’s that nudge to take a right for no apparent reason when you usually take a left – which might save your life. It’s the voice that says when you’re panic stricken, you’ll be alright take your time or when you’re on the wrong path it says : are you sure that’s what you want to do.

    If you’re up at night conflicted you’re not fighting your intuition your fighting your logic or instinct of survival which is different and what you seem to describe.

    When we’re in unknown territory and we feel exposed, vulnerable and out of our comfort zone – even if or intuition tells us something – our fear takes over because we’re in fight or flight. That is our instinct, the bestial aspect of us if you will – where as our intuition has more of an almost spiritual tendency and so Your gut will only tell you something might be off but it’s usually in a subtle manner which is why it’s often difficult to recognize it.

    I think instinct can be wrong, because it depends on how you feel in the situation – if there is fear of any sort you will react and think later ( hence sleepless nights).

    Intuition however, is the voice that says it might feel like the end of the world but don’t worry it’s just a flat tire -:)

    Just my 2 cents.

    1. Thank you for your comment and for reading. Intuition should be a guiding voice. It should come before every decision that you make. I believe intuition is the part of us that truly knows what we want. The moment to listen to it is before we make decisions. My hope is that more people become aligned with their intuition and take action when they get that feeling urging them to go left when they’re heading right. We are used to ignoring how we really feel and that I believe is our biggest mistake.

  3. My worry is that I am too calm. For years I have been telling myself that this really good man friend is not in love me with Me but my intuition says otherwise. I feel that because I am calm I am too far gone to see the truth.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I understand where you’re coming from but take a step back and consider this. Yes, you have been calm in the past and maybe you were naive to the situation but looking forward, who do you want to be. What do you want? What is in your future? If you want to change your calm nature, first decide what you’d like to be instead. Assertive? Think about the change you want to make and the results you want to gain. Forget the past. Start planning for what happens now and what happens next. Your love life needs a plan just like any other part of your life, IMO. I hope this was helpful.

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