Do you want to get a date?
No seriously, no bullshit. Do you want more dates or don’t you?
If you said yes, great I can help you. It can happen. I’m not sure who said it but have you ever heard the saying, ‘When the plan doesn’t work you have to work the plan’? That’s what I want you to do. Forget the yes, let’s focus on how you plan on getting to a yes in the first place.
How many times have you wanted to ask someone on a date but chickened out because of nerves? Fear of rejection might have played a role but essentially you didn’t feel confident that this person was interested. Isn’t it funny, not haha, when we like someone how high a standard we hold them to?
It never occurs to us that they might like us back. The fact that we like them almost immediately puts them out of our league. Been there! If you really want to embrace the idea that dating is an enjoyable experience I suggest creating a new game plan for successful dating.
This concept applied to your dating life, specifically The Modern Day Matchmaker’s 10 Date Challenge, will almost immediately improve your success in getting dates. Nothing garners results more than being specific. The more detailed the better. I’m asking you now to switch your focus from the actual date to the process of getting the date.
I want you to do what works and the only way to know why something works is to actually know how it works. So here are 10 tactics that will absolutely guarantee that you get a date. Use them wisely.
Why this works: We feel good when people like us. The easiest way to get someone to like you is to make them feel good. Genuine compliments break the ice and lend credibility to your confidence. Confident people compliment others, they aren’t afraid to talk to strangers and they don’t worry about negativity. Of course women share compliments all the time. If you’re a man, don’t be afraid to tell another man ‘Hey, great watch’. Or ‘Those shoes are pretty sweet’.
However you choose to say it, go out of your way to compliment others. The process will build your comfort level talking to strangers. It will lower your expectations of any interaction, you’re just giving a compliment right? And it will increase your self-confidence by increasing others’.
Only ‘hit on’ good looking people. Why this works: If you are successful in dating people that are less than your standard you will feel like that is all that you deserve.
When you pursue better looking people or only people who you are physically attracted to one successful date will do more for your self-confidence than 20 dates with people whom you only share a mild attraction. Why waste any effort trying to date people that you don’t want to date in the first place? The higher you aim, the greater the reward when you are successful.
Why this works: You don’t have to be Zen guru to meditate. All meditation really is, is quieting the mind. We have so many tapes playing in our head and some are very negative. Meditation allows you to shut those tapes off and play a very specific message. Repeat: I am attracting into my experience a partner that is warm, loving, intelligent and kind. You can throw in attractive, hot as hell, if you want to but the point is simple. Create a message or mantra and stick to it. Don’t let your inner voice keep telling you that you’re not good enough or it’s never going to happen. It will happen.
Go Places Alone
Why this works: Have you ever noticed a good-looking stranger at Starbucks? Of course you have, do you know why? Because they were by themselves. When we are alone our energy speaks louder than when we are hidden in a group. Sure some people stand out but if you have an amazingly good-looking group of friends such as I do, looks aren’t enough to grab attention. When you are by yourself people focus on you, just you. They see you and if you spend any energy on your intention, they will be attracted to you and compelled to speak to you. Leaving yourself open to be approached is the easiest way to welcome potential dating opportunities.
Always Look Your Best
Why this works: I don’t have to tell you that attractive people are more sought after than ugly ones. Halle Berry might get away with wearing sweats and no makeup but let me tell you straight, you ain’t Halle Berry. When we look good we feel good. If you don’t have the self-esteem to feel beautiful unless you’re dressed in great clothes and your favorite scent don’t leave the house otherwise.
Sure, when you weren’t interested in getting a date, only sorta, kinda, halfway thinking about it that could fly but those days are ova! We are working a plan and for it to be successful you have to look the part.
Accomplish a Goal
Why this works: Success in dating is tied closely to our self-esteem. When we accomplish what we set out to do we feel good about ourselves. Imagine finishing a project, getting a promotion or paying off a debt. We feel really good that we did what we set out to do and that burden is no longer on our shoulders. Think about your most long-standing goal. Why haven’t you done it? When we are productive in our lives we are self-confident.
Ask for the Date
Why this works: The worst thing anyone can say is No. Working in sales has taught me that No’s are no big deal. We hear them all the time. It’s not the end of the world and I promise the more you hear a no the less it will sting. I also promise that hearing a no is much easier to get over than wishing you had asked someone out. When you have the opportunity to ask someone on a date or for them number, even approach them and you fail to do so you’re basically solidifying your belief that you’re a pussy punk. Our actions support our beliefs. The more you wuss out, the more it will enforce your belief than you can’t get a date. That you’re not good enough or that quality people don’t like you.
Why this works: I’ve been single for 5 years but when I changed my Facebook status to single I had Mofos coming out of the woodwork sending me messages of commiseration and asking for dates. People stalk through social media and that’s a fact. There are people who like you that you are unaware of. Don’t hesitate to let the online community know that you’re single. It takes the pressure from potential dates who may want to ask you out.
Use a Wing Person
Why this works: There is safety in numbers. If you aren’t the most outgoing person, roll with someone who is. It’s your personality that is going to get you a date. You might not feel attractive and maybe you aren’t.
You might need a better looking, more socially qualified partner in crime to break the ice for you. Get one. There are professional ones.
Read Inspiring Confidence Building Material
Why this works: Do you think Coke wonders why it’s not as good as Pepsi and cries into its pillow at night, no. If you’re wasting time wondering why you aren’t as good, worthy, funny, popular, lovable, happy, self-assured or self-aware as other people, there’s an app for that.
I kid, but there are books that can help you figure out why you feel the way you do and help you take the steps to make a change. You don’t have to stay the same forever. Improve.
There are books, blogs and therapists to help you do it. Get better. Be better. Think more positively. Fill your mind with enlightening material to put who you are into perspective. Invest in getting to know and like yourself. Others will follow suit.