Some people find it hard to put themselves first. This might come as a surprise because we’re conditioned to believe that most humans are naturally selfish. Unfortunately in dating we rely heavily on the theory that if we give up a lot, we’ll get a lot in return. By now I hope you’ve learned that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes you have to say no to others and choose what you want over what they want.
There are two types of daters: those who put themselves first and those who don’t. Which one are you?
Learning to say no is a way to set boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries you’re going to feel disrespected and confused. If you don’t set boundaries you’ll like the person that you’re dating but you’ll always wonder why they don’t treat you better or respect you more.
It’s because you just haven’t demanded that they do so.
Saying ‘No’, is a great way to start implementing better behavior.
What you say no to is up to you but setting boundaries isn’t only about exercising that two letter word. Saying no also means discouraging bad dating behavior.
MAKE YOURSELF THE PRIORITY
If the person you’re dating only wants to make time for you after they finish doing A, B and C it might be time to say no. Don’t make plans with them unless they have time to see you at a reasonable hour.
If they won’t make the effort to see you then you should reciprocate and tell them that you’re just too busy. Or better yet, let them know that you’re on to them.
Simply say, “It sounds like you’re a little busy with other priorities. Call me when you have some free time.”
Or you might say, “You have a lot going on in your life, why not call me when you’re a little more serious about dating.”
That might be never but at least they’ll know that you won’t be put on the back burner. If you allow someone to come as they please once, they’ll do it continually until its way too late in the game to say stop.
NO SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT
Dating doesn’t have to include sex. In fact if you’re doing it right it only includes sex if that’s what you’re after. Dating, for most, is a way to get to know strangers.
If you don’t know their middle name maybe you shouldn’t get naked with them.
If you want to date for fun often sleeping with potential dates can lead to problems in your relationships down the road. If you aren’t ready or willing to have sex, just say no.
Sex should be something you offer to someone who has interested you enough to become intimate with them.
It should never be used a strategy to create commitment. If you want commitment then saying no is the only policy to employ.
DATING TAKES TWO
Inconsistency is a bitch. If you find yourself always initiating dates then it might be time to say no to giving this person your attention. Dating is a two-way street when it comes to effort. If you’re only getting a response when you outreach, then this person isn’t into you.
They might be tolerating you but they aren’t actively pursuing you and that speaks volumes.
Don’t be afraid to keep it moving. You always have the opportunity to speak up and set boundaries but we don’t take them in dating out of fear. Someone who isn’t willing to comply with your needs isn’t who you should be dating. Just say no.