Will A Former Cheater Also Cheat On You?

When someone you’re dating tells you they’ve cheated on a former love you get the sinking feeling that you could find yourself a victim of their infidelity as well. Can former cheaters be reformed? In this post, by Janis Boswell, she’ll share her advice for dealing with a past cheater. What To Do When You Discover You’re Dating Someone With An Adulterous Past?

In a relationship, both parties bring their own set of baggage because let’s face it, no one has an immaculate dating past. But when you discover that your partner has a history of cheating, whether it’s just one time or multiple times, it’s definitely a tough pill to swallow.

And the fact that a published study from Denver University supports the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater,” with people who had been previously unfaithful in the past they were 3.5 times more likely to cheat in their next relationship, which makes you wonder whether you should call it quits altogether.

Is the answer to break up?

The truth is that there is no right or wrong answer to this question, as it all depends on you. The worse thing that you could possibly do is make accusations or assume that he or she will inevitably cheat on you when nothing in your current relationship has demonstrated the potential for adultery.

While some of us find comfort in classifying them as horrible human beings that all share the same characteristics, infidelity is complex, and it’s unfair to base the turnout of your relationship without knowing his or her side of the story. eHarmony point out there’s also no guarantee that someone who has always been faithful will remain so in the future, showing that all of us possess that cheating potential; it’s just that some people have it greater than others.

That doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to a former cheater. Everything that took place in the past happened for a reason and can have an impact on your trust, something that has to be earned, regardless if you’re dating someone with a sordid history or not.

Although the affair might be a sensitive subject for your partner, it’s important for you to ask questions without overstepping your emotional boundaries, as there is such a thing as knowing too much which can lead to heightened emotions.

Director of the Institute for Sex Therapy Kenneth McGuire reveals that open discussions are a good sign, but if the person simply states that adultery happened and avoids clarification, the relationship might not be worth investing in.

Once both of you are openly talking about the subject, you’ll be able to get a sense of how the previous relationship led to infidelity. “While cheating is often a symptom of some other underlying problem in a relationship, I find it encouraging that so many people stop cheating on their own,” says Adam & Eve resident sexpert Dr. Kat Van Kirk in reference to the 74 percent of survey participants that claimed to have ended their affairs.

If a person can recognize the reason for cheating, the underlying issues in the last relationship, end the affair and tell you about it, the more likely that they both of you can move on and focus on your partnership rather than dwell on the past. Just remember to take things slow and steady to give each other time to build that foundation of trust.

Author’s Bio

Janis Boswell- Janis comes from a family of matchmakers, and so she’s always had a keen interest in relationship studies and the psychology behind dating. In her spare time, she likes to read fantasy novels and take her dog out to the park.

4 thoughts on “Will A Former Cheater Also Cheat On You?

  1. I’m dating a guy who says his past few relationships he was the other guy. Meaning he was with a girl for more than a year and more than two previous relationships with women who were in other committed relationship or even a marriage and he was their “on the side” guy. I’m not sure how to handle this one-

    1. Thank you for your comment and for reading. Without knowing the full situation I can only say to trust your gut. If you feel that this is a red flag, it really is. Don’t second guess yourself. There is something unsettling about someone willing to cheat with someone else or who can date a person that is cheating even if they aren’t the “cheater” per se. Just listen to your gut and if it says move on, then do so. I hope this was helpful.

  2. I recently started dating a really good-looking rugby player that I met. We are both 19 (young, I know). His ex broke up with him in August and around the same time I broke up with my bf, and then a month later we bumped into each other. However, in the beginning of our relationship he admitted that he had cheated on his ex because they had some issues in their relationship. Then he added that when he is about 30, he’ll have to be careful about such things. Ever since, I can’t this out of my mind, especially as he has classes with and is still in touch with both his ex and the girl he had cheated on her with. Apart from that, he is a really great boyfriend, but I can’t get this out of my head. How would you react to such situation?

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your question. I have to say to follow your instincts. If he is a good boyfriend, then what is there to worry about. If you trust him and he has said that he is faithful, then believe him. I think that you can only let time reveal the truth. If you are worried because of red flags coming up in the relationship, then don’t ignore them. Don’t let someone steal your joy or turn you into a jealous person. Only he can show that he is trustworthy. Not his past. You have to set a standard for yourself and live by it. As long as the two of you are open and honest, then I wouldn’t worry. I hope this was helpful.

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