Settle season is upon us.
There is so much temptation in dating and none stronger than trying to make a relationship work when the other person is showing signs that they aren’t interested. This is the temptation to settle for something that is better than nothing, as the nights get colder, and the days get longer. The summer gives us such hope for dating. The weather is romantic, there are fun outdoor activities, and who can resist a good boardwalk, or a fair, to put in fairytale.
There is so much hope that love will bloom in the summer, but as the days roll by, it can be harder to accept that the seasons have changed but your relationship hasn’t. The desire to be a couple quickly leads to settling for less than you want.
Today’s dating market is unlike anything seen in generations past. The reality is that we meet more people and we have access to more people, thanks to dating apps and social media. That high school sweetheart that you thought was long forgotten is now easily accessible, and constant reminder of how many fish in the sea there actually are. We are well aware of the billions of people on the planet, by the hundreds of options we swipe right every day.
Unfortunately, knowing how many options are out there makes dating more intimidating. How many people will take to find the one, and more importantly how long will it take. Leaving many to consider settling, out of fear that nothing better will come along. So how can you avoid settling and find the love that you deserve? Especially when its eluded you all this time?
Move On Quickly –
By the third date, you should have an idea of if the person you’re dating wants what you want of not. This might sound quick, but anyone who has been looking for love, isn’t going to hesitate when they find it. If you notice that someone is showing you mixed, or ambiguous signals, then don’t waste your time. Be prepared to move on quickly from anyone who is on the fence about you.
It’s sweet of them to want to have you in their life, but not unless they are willing to invest in the relationship. The faster that you move on from someone who is on the fence about you the faster you will find the love that is right for you.
Don’t Go Backwards –
When we get into cuffing season, or settle season, it’s inevitable that someone from your past will make their way back into your life. It’s tempting to believe that they have had a change of heart, and they are ready to change the behavior that tore you apart in the first place. You might be eager to forgive the fact that they ghosted you, or blew you off, or lied to you, or treated you like an option instead of a priority but now is not the time to go backwards.
People of your past didn’t work out for a reason, and holding on to what you had, only keeps you stuck with it. But you want more. The person from your past that wants a second chance still needs to adhere to your current boundaries and standards. If they want to be in your life, they still have to provide a plan for commitment, and be present in the relationship.
It’s tempting to look back when looking for love, but everything that you want is in the future. There is no one from your past that deserves a second chance unless they are willing to change their behavior.
Diversify Your Dating –
Meeting people online, in person, through friends, and personal networks is the true meaning of diversification. Too often we get stuck in a routine. We only go to a bar on Friday, we only use dating apps… There are billions of people in this world, and if you’re going to find the right person for you, it will have to come in various forms.
Your network is a great resource for meeting new people, as well as Tinder, or Bumble. Don’t limit yourself to just looking in one area. There might be eligible partners all around if you’re open to the possibility.
Don’t Commit Without Commitment –
When you’ve found the person that you want to be with, it might be tempting to stop dating other people. Unless the person that you’re dating has offered commitment, keep dating. This isn’t a bad thing. When we commit too soon, without being asked, we start to create a fake dating environment. We over index what we have with someone else when we start to give too soon.
It’s okay to ask for commitment, but make sure that you are on the same page, and don’t give up your freedom too soon.
Set Boundaries –
High value daters have great boundaries. Desperation has a way of altering our boundaries, and allowing behavior that shouldn’t be allowed but it’s easy to fall into this trap when you want to be loved. Your boundaries are the way that you convey your value. Without strong values you run the risk of not getting what you want. So if love, and commitment are important, setting boundaries give you the best chance of getting that dream relationship. This means saying, ‘No’ without guilt.
This means investing at the same level that your partners is investing. This means living your life on your terms regardless of if the other person is on board, because the person that is right for you wants what you want, and vice versa. If you’re not establishing boundaries then you’re creating a false sense of compatibility which is unhealthy for any relationships.