Your relationship is coming to an end and you might not even know it.
Dating has become very complicated over the last 10 years. Whether you want to lay the blame upon online dating, or dating apps, what we know for sure is that dating has changed. While dating apps and online dating, and there is a clear distinction between the two, have definitely impacted dating, the debate on whether or not this impact is a good thing still continues.
Even though they get a bad rap, online dating services (and apps) have made us all better daters in the sense that we do it more often. In 2012, the average American went on just 1-2 dates a year. Today, those numbers just reveal a slow afternoon. More adults are going on more dates. In this environment there is bound to be shifts in our behaviors.
Ghosting is one of those by products of “over-dating”. In the past, when singles were incredibly selective about who they went on a date with, it was easier to point to clear signs of incompatibility. Today, most people stop dating someone for innocuous reasons like ‘their vibe was off’.
Ghosting isn’t new, and there are various degrees of ghosting. In effect, ghosting is being blown off in an inexplicable way. Unlike in the past, without the interconnectedness we have now with social media, someone could truly ghost you. They could block your phone calls, and emails, leaving no digital trail of their whereabouts. Leaving you to question whether you knew their real identity at all.
The world we live in now isn’t as escapable. Even when someone disappears from your life, it’s easy to see their digital ghost casting social media footprints. You might prefer the term ghosting but to call a spade a spade, you’re being blown off.
This means the person you’re dating doesn’t see it necessary to explain why they no longer want you to be a part of your life, or you theirs. This isn’t a new phenomenon. Being blown off is as old as courtship itself. Instead of taking off on a ship the new world, they’re just ignoring your texts. Same, same but different.
The bad news is that you could’ve prevented this. Being blown off always comes with warning signs for those who are paying close attention. The good news is you can learn the signs to avoid being blown off in the first place.
Dating is about bonding. If you have been dating someone and the connection is perfect or at least it feels like it is, their disinterest will come as a surprise. If you have been focused on creating a bond, then you’ll know exactly whether they will stick around or not.
So what are the signs that you might be ghosted?
You’re Going To Be Ghosted If You Make All The Plans
Being the first to call, or the person who asks for the date, might feel good as if you are in control of the situation. Unfortunately, someone who only has to say, ‘Yes’, might not be investing much, or interested in investing much, in the long term. Making all of the plans could be a sign that you are scared of what would happen if you didn’t. It can also be a sign of wanting to be in control.
Your insecurity though innocent and normal, can be a sign that you don’t have a strong connection. Taking the reins means the other person is getting away with doing less, and gives them the freedom to care less about the relationship. If you find yourself afraid of the space in the relationship, which is the time you spend apart, and reactively initiate the plans and the contact, you could be on the path to being ghosted.
You’re Going To Be Ghosted If You Share Them On Social Media Before They Share You
Social channels are a tempting avenue to test the strength of a relationship. New flings are exciting, and it’s easy to casually share the person that you’re dating on social media. While this might seem innocent it comes with the connotation of being too eager. This type of exposure could trigger any fears about getting serious that your love interest has. This could trigger them to get out of dodge because things seem to be getting too serious. Just because of social media. Yep. So if you share your new lover on social before they have shared you, it might make you vulnerable to getting ghosted.
You’re Going To Be Ghosted If You’ve Never Met Their Friends
Introducing a partner to your friends is a tactic of bonding that many people overlook. While this seems intimate, it’s actually a great way to ingratiate your new love into your life in a non-pressure way. The way you behave around your friends tends to be the ‘real’ you so sharing this side is a good thing. If you have not met any of your date’s friends after a certain amount of time, there is a side of them that you don’t have access to. Because people tend to ghost when they don’t feel that their identity will be impacted, not seeing all sides of your lover could lead to being ghosted.
You’re Going To Be Ghosted If You Don’t Have A Routine
The thoughts that you repeatedly think shape your reality. In dating, routines help to anchor you to someone’s life. Routines create an opportunity to look forward to seeing someone and that type of visualization is called a ‘fantasy’. When you create experiences with someone in the future, you bond with them. If you don’t establish a routine when dating someone then you haven’t created enough space for yourself in their life. Routines deepen bonds and without them, you could be at risk of being ghosted.
You’re Going To Be Ghosted If They Don’t Have Stake In The Game
Dating is an emotional investment. If you like someone, your engagement with them is a down payment on your future. If the person that you’re dating doesn’t have stake in the game, meaning they’ve invested emotionally in the courtship, then you are at risk of being ghosted.
People only ghosts those that they don’t have a bond with. This doesn’t mean a relationship won’t end but at least you’ll get an explanation. Ghosting occurs when the person feels free of any responsibility. It isn’t always a sign that they were a coward who couldn’t be direct. Sometimes ghosting is a sign that there is no investment made, so there is no need to explain why the relationship is over.