Think of your last couple of relationships. You may look back and realize that there’s one thing in common with all of them – you picked the wrong person. After a couple of wrong picks you may start to wonder what you’re doing wrong. Well, here’s what to do to ensure your next picks are more compatible. Hopefully, you make your last and final pick ever.
Stop looking for love in the wrong places
Bars are a popular place for people to try and meet people. However, the person who’s drunk at the bar on a Tuesday night (and probably every other night) might not be the person you want to settle down with. Another popular place to meet people is on dating apps. However, many people on dating apps are simply looking for a quick hookup (despite what their profile might say). It may be time to look for people in new places.
You don’t have to necessarily make huge changes. Instead of a sports bar, try going to a wine bar or a music venue. Instead of going on Tinder or OkCupid, try a paid site like eHarmony or Match. If you up the quality of the location a bit, you may be able to up the quality of the potential mates you meet.
Examine your standards
Some people who have been looking for love for a long time may be more open to opportunities that don’t suit them. To be quite frank, these people may be desperate. You do not want to be desperate while searching for a mate or you’ll end up picking someone you don’t truly want just to experience a connection with someone. If you tend to lower your standards to have love in your life, raise your standards.
Look deep into yourself to determine what your deal breakers are. You want to be open to potential suitors, but it’s okay to not want to date someone with children with different mothers or someone who has been unemployed for years.
On the other hand, you don’t want to set your standard so high that no one can possibly meet up to your expectations. Mr. Right doesn’t exist, so you need to accept someone who has some flaws. In this case, cast your net a little wider to see if you may have missed someone great for a very small reason.
One reason many relationships fail is because people aren’t honest from the start. When you begin talking to someone, you want to be as upfront and honest about your life and who you are as possible. This allows the other person to know exactly what they are getting into.
It all starts with your profile picture online. Pick an honest picture of yourself. You should also be honest about what you want out of a relationship. If you lie, the person you start to develop a relationship will not know the real you. When the real you comes out, as it inevitability will, it could expose incompatibility. This does not mean you need to expose everything right away. It’s okay to maintain a certain amount of mystery to yourself. However, just make sure you are open about the important things.
After a couple of bad relationships, it can be easy to be jaded. This is especially true if someone cheated, lied, or stole from you. If you feel jaded about relationships, you may go into your next relationship expecting it to fail. If you expect it to fail, you may not behave great in the relationship. You may have a bad attitude or sabotage the relationship from the start. Your new romantic interest likely won’t put up with this and break up with you.
Do not let let past relationships affect the next relationship. Go into your next relationship with a positive attitude and optimism. Your mindset about something can play a large role in how it plays out. You want to will the relationship to go well every time. Even if it doesn’t work out, look at it with a positive mindset. A failed relationship is just a learning lesson so you can succeed in your next relationship.
Live your life
Some people put relationships above everything else. Their whole life becomes about finding a partner and developing a relationship. This central focus on relationships can make someone look desperate and unattractive. It’s also somewhat uninteresting.
Instead of focusing on relationships, focus on your life as an individual. Focus on work, family, friends, and your hobbies. When you do meet someone, you will have more to talk about than your failed dates. This makes you seem more positive, independent, and interesting.
While you are going about your life, you may be surprised to find potential dates along the way. You may meet someone while out with friends or while at an improv class. When you meet people this way, it’s more organic. You and your date won’t have to be embarrassed that you met online, either.
Try something new
Think about what you have been doing in love so far. It may be time to try something new. If you typically date a specific type of person, you should try dating someone who isn’t your type. If you typically have pay for half on every date, try letting someone else pay for you on the first date. If you tend to go home on the first date, try waiting before taking that step. What you have been doing hasn’t worked so far, so you should try a new method.
Work on yourself
No one is perfect. Some of your bad dating choices may come from your own personal trauma and insecurities. If you want to break negative patterns, it may be best to start right at home with yourself. Practice self care in a variety of ways. Some self help activities you can do include working out, eating healthy, meditating, learning to play the guitar, reciting positive affirmation, or journaling.
Another way to care for yourself is to go to therapy. This is especially important if you suffer from mental illness or childhood trauma. These things could be the reason you keep picking the wrong people. Do not be afraid to talk about your desire to correct these negative patterns to your therapist. There once was a stigma involved with going to therapy, but almost everyone can benefit from it.
Love is what makes the world go round. When someone struggles to find love, it can be frustrating. Sometimes, this frustration leads to bad choices in love. You should make a decision today to stop the cycle. Use these tips to stop picking the wrong people. You deserve love, and you will find it.
Jason Fladien has been a relationship/dating coach for over 12 years. He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs. Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life. He runs https://getexbackforgood.