10 Sex Chat Conversation Tips From an Expert

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Sound familiar? 

You’ve definitely been bombarded with pop-ups while searching for mature content on the internet of this nature. Sex chat is the new “porn” due to its increasing popularity but I must clarify what this really means in this decade. Sex chat is Erotica in its highest form when done right and that’s what no one is shedding enough light on.

We’ve been in a Lockdown state of mind for the better part of 2020 and that has only increased the demand for sex chat in personal lives of many adults. If you have to socially distance and stay home then sex chatting is the obvious next choice for both singles and those in relationships who need more than what’s typical.

Today let me break down the top ten sex chat tips for anyone interested in making a predictable conversation a lot more interesting and unexpected. The last thing anyone wants is to feel like their part of a bad script. Just like a bad movie (which there are also plenty of to go around in 2020!), there is such a thing as terrible sexters. Let’s make sure you are not one of them, shall we? Read on below and take notes friends.

1. Start With An IceBreaker 

I’m sorry to break it to you guys and gals but “How are you?” is NOT an ice-breaker. It’s a terrible opener that leads to nothing. Has anyone ever really told you how they felt by using this opener? The other day I had a guy text me opening the chat with “good hbu?”. He was so used to getting greeted with the generic “how are you” that he now opened chats this way. I was mortified for him. It’s not sexy, it does nothing to set the mood and as humans, we can do a lot better when it comes to sexting (and basic conversation in general).

Instead of the generic hello’s. Why not start with a physical attribute that turns you on about the person you’re texting? It’s simple, to the point, and opens the door for the textee to let you know what attracts them to you as well. Get on the same page from the jump. 

2. Be As Direct As Google Maps

Are you gonna go my way? Be sure you both want the same things here. Into a certain kink? Well, ask if your partner is into what you’re into. Sharing Kinks is an easy segue into a hot sexting session together. By being direct you also don’t waste time sexting with the wrong person. Whether you range from vanilla to more hardcore it’s really helpful to determine these things early on in the conversation.

3. Set A Scene

A scene is well known in the BDSM/Fetish community as a safe space where people can express themselves and their sexuality. It’s an escape from reality and a trip into the deeper recesses of your sexual minds. Can’t cross the border due to the pandemic? No problem! Come up with a sexy spot you’d rather be right now with your partner and play there for your scene together. See what I mean? More fun to be creative than be a bore where your permanent location is your bed. How about Bali? Just by coming up with an exotic location, you already have more options to play.

4. The Devil Is In the Details

We talked about setting the scene now we need to get more details. In-person everything from someone’s scent to the way they wear their hair can turn you on. In-text we must be descriptive to make up for the lack of 4-D senses. The text I get most from anyone is “What are you wearing?”. For good reason, because it matters to be forthcoming with these subtle details when setting up a scene. Ask what your partner is wearing and try to match their sexy description with your own of yourself. Now you’re on the verge of sexting! 

5. Take It Slow

The goal of sexting is not to cum in 1 minute. Quite the contrary. It’s the engagement with another human being, not a bot. Getting to know someone is key to excellent sexting relations. Ask questions about past lovers, the last time they had sex, and what the person is looking for overall in their partner. It really heightens intimacy when you feel like you have a good understanding of whom you’re chatting with. Duh! Have fun, get kinky but take it slow and enjoy the ride. 

6. Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Now that you’ve set your scene, gotten some sexy details, and gotten to know your playmate it’s time to let your freak flag fly! By this I mean you can now feel safe to express yourself without holding back as you might in person. It’s a funny thing how people in the text can seem a lot wilder than they are in real life. It’s because text and actions are two different things. In-text anything is possible. In reality… not so much for most. Positions you may not even be physically capable of trying, in reality, can now become one’s you’re now a  pro at in sexting and so on… 

7. Practice Your Stamina

Sexting is the perfect time to take things slow and really get to know yourself and your playmate’s needs, wishes, or desires. By not rushing things or feeling pressures in a moment you can lay back and chill while still reaching states of arousal. Ramp yourself up and then practice your stamina by cooling down with a few jokes or laughs.

It’s OK to not be hot and heavy the entire time you are sexting. The best sexts have a lot of nuances and inside jokes to them. Again, getting to know who you are sexting is sexy within itself and makes the sexting session last longer.

8. Create Your Own Private Persona

Not only for privacy reasons but also for safety it’s great to establish some boundaries with sexting. You don’t want to be giving anyone your personal banking information for example. Whether you know the person or not some things are best left off-limits. Information is power. Be wise with how much you are sharing when it comes to your personal lives. 

9. Roleplay

From Anime to Maids there are a plethora of roles you can play when sexting. No cheap cosplay costume needed just your dirty mind. This keeps sexting fun and can bring out more kinks to explore. Once you have a role to play it can be a lot easier to get into and being more expressive for more introverted types. 

10. No Shame In Your Game

Remember when there used to be a huge stigma around online dating from the early 90s to the 2000s? Now you’d be hard-pressed to find a single person in 2020 who has not used online dating or is not currently using it. 

The same goes for sexting an expert. If this year has dampened your options for someone to sext with (due to not being able to form organic connections)  there is absolutely no shame in seeking out someone who actually knows exactly what they are doing.  Sexting is the safest way to still feel sexually desirable and not totally alone in uncertain times. 

About the Author

I’m Femme Fatale, Fetish model, and Alpha Tamer. I have a vast knowledge and affinity for Fetish culture. You can find me every week writing for Arousr and if you’re lucky you might even see me available to chat online! My favorite fetish is Domination.

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