Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they’re alive and human.
Albert Ellis
Maybe it’s just me but I will always think there are men who just aren’t good enough for me. In fact I’m sure many singles have thought the same of the opposite sex, which is why they are still single.
It’s really crazy how judgmental we can be but after a certain age you expect your hard work to pay off. So you’re trying to tell me I spent $500 bucks at Sephora and $300 dollars on a gym membership to end up with your ass?
*Cher voice*, “I don’t think so.”
Just like a job or graduate school, you have to be a qualified candidate to date me. I am not open auditions when it comes to love I’m more of a head hunter. I have requirements and preferences and the under qualified need not apply.
When it comes to dating many singles fail not only to qualify themselves but others as well. When you put in your application for love all of your, I’s must be dotted and your T’s crossed or your submission will be denied.
When someone tells you, or makes it painfully obvious, that you’re not what they’re looking for, I can tell you why.
Many of us think that some people are just too picky or what the person wants is unrealistic. Why shouldn’t we think that, in our minds the being good enough attitude prevails. Yes you’re “good” but are you great?
If you want to be the best candidate for any person who is looking for love you have to do the things that most singles fail to do.
1. You have to appeal to their needs.
If someone doesn’t need you, they’re likely not going to want to date you. What do they need that you can offer? As an attractive woman, I offer confidence and security. Some men need a woman who is secure with herself, who doesn’t need validation and reinforcements. The reason many singles can’t fulfill each other’s needs is because we are too busy looking to get before we give. When you can put your wants aside and give someone what they need, they are likely to fall in love with you.
2. You have to match their interests.
If you know that their favorite topic is themselves then it better be yours too. Many people get confused; attraction does not equal compatibility. When you like someone because of who they are, that’s precious but it doesn’t mean you have anything in common. If you don’t make it a point to have more similarities you will never quite hold this person’s attention. When we feel compatible with others its because we share commonalities that go beyond the superficial. If you don’t find a way to exploit that common ground, you will not be seen as a legitimate candidate in love.
3. You have to understand them.
This is the biggest misstep unqualified buyers daters make. When I worked in retail I would ask other employees why certain practices were in place, they didn’t know. They did the work but had no comprehensive understanding of why they were doing it. When you’re dating someone, it’s important that you “get” them. It’s the difference between knowing someone’s favorite color is blue and knowing that when they were a child they got a very special blue blanket.
There are so many ways that we can take our potential dates at face value but if you really want someone to be into you, show that you’re into them. Not just by regurgitating facts about them but truly understanding their motivations.
I have said in the past that dating is competitive but in all honesty, it’s our own egos, nerves and anxieties that we’re really battling. Don’t worry about who may seem to have more to offer than you do, if you can accomplish what is mentioned above others will seek you out.