Dating Woes: What To Do When The Man Stops Trying

My very good friend has been dealing with a man who will readily admit to everyone that he wants to be with her but can’t stop acting the damn fool. I remember a time in dating when it was a shock to find out a man was an asshole. You were surprised. Nowadays it seems many men have decided, for the sake of not wanting to play games, to be assholes right from the jump. This is the true story of what happens when men stop being polite and start being real.

The old joke of “you don’t date people you date their representatives” no longer applies. Men are more than willing to show their true colors, as ugly and mismatched as they might be and dare a woman to deal with it. Or hope that she’s colorblind.

So what should women do? We all know that no one is perfect. When a man shows an unfavorable side of his personality you can tell yourself well, at least he’s keeping it real but how much do you like the real him? It’s like buying a used car with a warranty and buying one without. The car without will likely have a list of shit that’s wrong with it. If something breaks or it breaks down it’s on you to deal with the expense but you at least know what to look for.

A car with a warranty might only display a quarter of what is truly wrong with it. The problems that might arise are unforeseen but for the unknowns, you’ll at least have some assistance. Men used to date this way. They used to try their best to warn you without scaring you away. They used to try their best to walk on eggshells early in hopes that you wouldn’t be able to piece together that they’re a mess.

Men tried in the past to get women somewhat invested before they started dropping bombs.

Recently Paul Carrick Brunson asked his Twitter and Facebook audience, “When should you tell someone that you’re abstinent?” It might seem like a no brainer but my ex-boyfriend waited until the moment we were having our DTR (define the relationship) conversation talk to spring it on me. You have to respect the game.

I would have been ghost had he asked me any sooner to consent to a nonsexual relationship. He waited at the moment when I was emotionally invested to be “honest”. For that I have to respect him. He wanted to be with me and played the game to get me to be with him. This is how it should be done. I remember when men used to do this. Just when you were wined and dined and sold the dream a man would drop his, by the way.

That was at least a month of happiness that you could count on. Those days are slowly fading away. When in dating did lust and desire start taking a backseat to honesty? Men have resigned to being ~~difficult~~ themselves early and praising any woman willing to make it through the battlefield. They’re ready to toss you a bulletproof vest and a helmet before they’ll buy you flowers. More men are admitting their flaws, showing their ass and being uncharacteristically honest as an attempt to find the right woman with genuine intentions.

In hopes of weeding out the women who are truly down for them men have cut the song and dance. The only decision a woman can make is deciding if the devil you know is better or worse than the devil you don’t. Or if dating is the devil, period.

Comments (6)

Mr. MMA Jun 15, 2011 at 10:01AM

This is one of the rare moments where I disagree with you waaaay more than I agree with you. I do agree that you shouldn’t put all your bidness out on the table too early. I mean, you don’t want to be that person who says “Hi, I’m Aquanisha Jenkins and I have A.I.D.S.” on the first date. Other than those types of extremes, I’m all for being up front and honest. As long as said honesty is respectful and tactful, I don’t see any reason why it should be ok for a man or a woman to show their true selves early.

I’m pretty much the opposite of what you described above; I’d rather know what I can early so I can make an accurate judgment of whether or not I want to continue to invest my time, and I’d rather show you who I am so that you can do the same. Again, I’m not saying let it all hang out on the first date, but just think of how much time, energy, and money is wasted when you’re not up-front with people. I know risks are always going to be involved, but I don’t think the few weeks/months of ignorant bliss are worth the excessive risks.

Miss Solomon Jun 15, 2011 at 10:20AM

Many men it seems are a little too honest with the fact that they have issues, fears, hesitations and doubts. My point is to say, in the past men would have reservations about women then use their own judgment to gauge whether the woman is genuine or not. Nowadays it seems men are not putting in the same effort but expect women to stick around because this is what the relationship will be anyway. I think there is a certain level of restraint missing. You don’t want to expose your flaws too soon because maybe after the person knows you better they’ll be more understanding. I’m talking about men who basically say, I’ll put in a little less effort than you because I don’t trust you yet, deal with it. It might spare you some time but it also might chase the right woman away.

Mr. MMA Jun 15, 2011 at 10:49AM

Ok, I believe I understand you better now. Yeah, it’s one thing to be honest, but honesty does have to be done with tact. I’m against either gender doing so in the way you describe, on some “I don’t trust you yet, deal with it” type stuff.

John Dec 07, 2011 at 1:27AM

What’s actually happening here is that women want ‘the bad boy’ and so every man is being conditioned, by experience and what women tell them, to beleive that this is the best way to go. Unfortunately ladies, your own games and ridiculous expectations are now biting you firmly in that well toned ass. You’ve engineered the fact that nearly every man is a total asshole. Sorry. Time for a bit of reverse engineering perhaps!?

Miss Solomon Dec 08, 2011 at 9:34AM

I agree that there is a lot of naivity lost. Everyone is so guarded and afraid. Like the saying goes, hurt people hurt. Men are afraid of being taken advantage of and women are afraid of getting played. In turn we both play games. It takes a strong person to be able to be honest with themselves and give freely and kindly. I think because men are seen as the leaders in relationships if they can be sincere they will get sincerity. You also have to know when you have made a good choice in partners. If you have a good woman. Treat her like one.