I often hear men’s struggles with asking women out on dates. In reality there is nothing women want more than for men to take the lead and ask them out. What I’ve noticed is a cultural shift in the way the asking in done. In the past, there was a five second rule stating if a man sees a woman he’s interested in, he has 5 seconds to make a move before fear and insecurity take hold. Living by that theory it became normal to say hello, then ask for a date. The pickup artist world taught men for the last decade that patience was actually just wasting time.
Today, you have men who are completely frustrated with the asking process. No surprise. It’s broken.
If you have found it difficult to know how and when to ask a woman for a date then this is the only guide that you will ever need. You’ll learn a five step process that men and women can use to ask anyone out on a date. This step by step process walks you through how to ask for number, build rapport, vet your date then present an offer that your date can’t refuse.
This method can be applied whether you met in person or online.
Rejection is the result of two things: incompatibility and not enough information. If you think about why people say no to an ask, it’s because they don’t like the person asking, or they don’t have enough information. When you ask someone on a date too quickly, you they can only base the decision on their first impression of you and how much they know about you. Both criteria are favorable.
When a man asks a woman on a date she is making two assessments. First, how much she likes him. This usually has something to do with his face, and physical attraction. Second, on what she knows about him as in, ‘Is he safe?’.
All you need to know is this: if a woman likes a man’s appearance and feels that he is safe, she will say yes to a date.
Again, these tactics will work for anyone because all it takes for someone to say “Yes” to a date is enough information. If you can follow this process step by step, and exercise a little patience, you’ll get a “Yes” to more offers than ever before.
STEP 1: GET THEIR NUMBER
Whether you meet online or in person, the best way to start the process of asking for a date is to get someone’s number. Think about it like this. When you need a job, you apply. You interview and then you are hired. You are not given an offer the minute you apply. So getting someone’s number is simply a request to connect with them. Getting someone’s number establishes trust and you shouldn’t go on a date with anyone without having their phone number. If you’ve met online and your match doesn’t want to share their personal contact then keep it moving. Relationships from the very beginning, have to be co-created. Your date should be wiling to invest in you and share their phone number, if not, they are not a person you should be investing in.
But how many numbers have you gotten only to get crickets when the time to plan the date comes around? Instinctually you might be thinking that the minute you get the phone number is when you should ask for the date, it’s not. All you need to do first, is secure her number. That is gaining permission to pursue something with someone.
If you’ve met in person you can say, “ I really like talking with you, we should exchange numbers.” If you’ve meet online you can say, “I’m rarely on this app, can we exchange numbers instead?” This takes the pressure off of you and her. What if she has a boyfriend, how does she know that you don’t have a girlfriend. You’re creating mystery without pressure and that is important. If someone isn’t willing to exchange phone numbers, no big deal. Most men ask for the date and face rejection because that is a HUGE commitment. Asking for a phone number is gaining permission to now ask for the date later.
The reason small asks lead to better success when you ask for the date is because women don’t want to feel like every conversation is a flirtation. You can humanize the interaction by treating any woman you’re interested in as a person you’re curious about. That tiny switch in thinking can make a difference when it comes to how women respond to you in the first place.
STEP 2 – TEXT IMMEDIATELY
Once you have someone’s number, you should text them immediately. A simple: nice to meet you, or it was great chatting with you will suffice. This is about building rapport and creating trust. You’ve asked, received and followed up. Now you seem reliable. A stranger shouldn’t be expected to go out with you just because you’ve asked. And why are you so quick to go out with a stranger?
Our culture of rushing to date someone we don’t even know, instead of investing a little bit of time to get to know them is backwards. I wouldn’t want to go on a date with someone that I know nothing about. And that is the same rational thinking that lead women to say “No” to dates in the first place. So by texting immediately, you can formally introduce yourself and start to build rapport and thus familiarity.
STEP 3- SEND A REMINDER OF THE CONVERSATION
If you’ve met in person you should send a text mentioning something in that conversation to show that you were paying attention. This shows that you were paying attention, that you’re thoughtful, and that you’re not just playing a numbers game. You actually have real interest in this woman.
Maybe it was music, an article, or fun fact. If you’ve matched online, refer to something in her profile. Whatever the topic of conversation, reiterate it with a message and begin to engage your potential date. Use the following day, after you’ve gotten the number to continue to build trust. Send relevant messages throughout the day that are a mix of thoughtful questions and personal statements.
If you are ready to jump into a date with someone that you don’t know it means that you’re a little desperate. You should ONLY want to date people who are on the same page as you are, to why you’re going on the date in the first place. Men who don’t do this are the same men who get mad when women use them for a free meal. Well, who’s fault was it that you didn’t qualify your date before feeding them?
STEP 4 – GO DARK
Before you ask for a date, you should let a day go by without initiating communication. This allows you to really judge the other person’s level of interest. This isn’t a trick to be cruel or play hard to get, it’s really a breathing period to give your potential date a chance to message you. Dating has a to be a two-way street. You have to qualify your dates before you ask them out and that means asking out women who are interested in you. Too often men get their feelings hurt because they ask out women they don’t know. And you should STOP doing that. Especially when it’s completely within your control to get to know the woman and gauge her level of interest in you.
STEP 5 – TELL, DON’T ASK
After a day of silence, hopefully she’s messaged you by now. If she hasn’t no worries. This is the moment you make your move. But the difference is, you don’t ask. You tell. This is a triple text process. You can call or text, but specifically use the phrase. “I want to take you out.” This is not a question so it can’t be answered with a no. Well, not technically. But the trick is not to stop at the tell.
One text is incredibly nerve wracking. Follow up with an immediate plan. “Let’s go to the movies.” But you don’t stop there. Wait a few minutes, until you see those bubbles, but even if you don’t see them, follow up with a third text, set the date, “Is Wednesday good for you?” Nowadays texting is the main form of communication. Even if you’ve spoken to your date on the phone, triaging your texts always lead to better responses.
The mistake men make is thinking the minute they meet a woman, they have to ask her out you don’t. And if you really like her, you shouldn’t. You should get to know her, gauge her interest and then make your offer. Every single time.