Breaking up is hard to do. Or so people say.

It’s a no brainer that most of us don’t deal with change very well and what’s even harder in a relationship, that we don’t deal well with, is loss of control. When you’re relationship is falling apart or not going the way that you want it to, it drives most people crazy. We instantly want to fix the problem, as we see it, whether it’s us, the other person etc.

Once you get used to the idea of dating one person, it’s hard to adjust to the idea of meeting someone new.

But it’s very possible. Good advice is typically sh*t we already know but have been too afraid to accept.

When it comes to break ups, breaking things off or major changes in any relationship whether exclusive or not, it can involve lots of denial. You have to ask yourself, ‘Do you want the relationship you had’?

Not how it could have, should have or might have been but the exact was it WAS before things ended. The answer is probably no. It was probably bullshit and why would you want that? Do you still love the person that you had this relationship with?

Of course you do. It isn’t easy to erase feelings, especially ones that developed over a long period of time. It’s ok to still love the person that you once had a great or semi-decent relationship with despite how things ended. But we all know that sometimes love isn’t enough. And maybe just maybe you weren’t meant to be. But who wants to hear the sugar-coated cliché rationales. Who wants to be rational period?

Our past relationships with the opposite sex whether serious, semi-serious, or self manufactured can impact the way we date either negatively or positively.

Individually, we want to be loved and accepted as who we are. We want relationships that not only make us better people but make us feel like we are enough, as we are. We don’t always find that kind of love with the people we think we’ll find it with, so sometimes when we think we’ve found something great and it ends, we feel lost. So where do you start in getting yourself back on the right track?

How can you begin to break from the past and start building a successful future with the person you were meant to be with?

Be willing to cut ties, whether you have to or not.

Basically accept that it’s over! It’s a nice fantasy thinking this other person will shape up at the thought of losing you or even bat an eyelash when they realize that you’re hurting but the thing about breakups or endings is that sometimes they are good for both parties.

Don’t consider this a temporary adjustment in the relationship.

End this relationship. It’s the only way you can start something new. Even if it’s with the same person.

Let the other person do what’s right for you.

If they aren’t fighting tooth and nail to get you back, that’s ok. If they are trying to be nice to you because you deserve it, let them. Don’t take it as, ‘Well this is what you should have done when we were together… too little too late,’ kind of deal.

If your former love is trying to be kind, for your sake, let them.

Don’t try to replace what you had.

What you had was special and important. Don’t try to prove your value by instantly getting another man or woman in your life.

Put yourself first.

You deserve better, or what you want, or everything. Just because your situation wasn’t bad doesn’t mean it was for you. Maybe you want more and that’s ok. Maybe the person you loved ended things with you. That’s also ok, but it’s you who can only look out for your best interest now.

Cry if you need to. Yep.

There is no right or wrong way to move forward. Especially from pain but put it all in perspective. Be grateful for what you do have. Tell yourself, life could be so much worse. This is NOT the worst thing that could ever happen.

Be strong and move along. I hope this was helpful.