At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far.
Muhammad Ali
I love when men tell me that they’re a “good” guy. From time to time I need a laugh. If you’re a good man and you don’t have women biting and clawing over one another to get to you, you might be the opposite.
I’m not saying this because I know you; I’m saying this because I am catch. I live the life of a catch. There is no one who is a catch that needs to remind themselves or me that they are a catch. Your life will reflect the actuality of whether you are a catch or not.
I’m not saying that you’re a jerk or an asshole because you probably can offer the kind of love most women are looking for. The best way I can explain it is like the cereal that comes in the bag and not the box. It is the same damn cereal. Everyone knows it but how many people buy cereal in a bag? I mean, really?
I started The Dating Truth.com over a year ago to help men step their game up. I wasn’t always as commitment-phobic as I am now, for years and years I wanted a boyfriend. I was just like so many women passing up one “good” guy after another thinking to myself that I could do better.
In my mid-twenties I did everything I could to find a man. I dated so many guys and went on so many dates just to end up with my gay ex-boyfriend who was a virgin and pathologically liar.
I had better options but those guys weren’t as aggressive. The man who I truly wanted to date just wasn’t showing any signs that he was really into me so I ended up with a default.
Just last summer I almost let myself fall into the same trap. Dating a guy who I knew was wrong for me but in wanting the stability of a relationship so badly, I let my better judgment take the backseat. Luckily, I smartened up before I really had to put my heart on the line. I could’ve seen myself sticking it out longer because this man was a project. He was a work in progress and that appealed to me.
It appeals to a lot of women and some of the “good” men out there just don’t seem to realize it. These men can’t see that a man with his sh*t together only appeals to a woman who wants to be arm candy and nothing more. Women need to feel needed.
You can watch the President of the United States interact with Michelle Obama and it’s evident that he needs her. He needs a wife like her. There are good men out there who spend so much time seeming so put together and perfect that it actually turns women off.
If you’re a great guy and you don’t have the volume of quality women in your life to prove it, here are a few tips to get better results.
Be vulnerable.
There is a HUGE difference between being vulnerable and being weak. When you can show areas in your life and personality where a woman can see herself being your partner and helping you it’s appealing. Even superman has a weakness. There is no harm in showing a woman a little insecurity that has a point or a purpose.
I’ve known a lot of guys who have shown insecurity unintentionally by overcompensating. You want to be clear with this woman and yourself that yes, you might need work but you know it. You are strong enough to admit it.
Compliment, compliment, compliment.
This is the secret to success. It really is. When you make a woman feel really good, she will want to spend time with you. A great way to lift your date’s self-esteem is to compliment her. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s a way to break her defenses or to get into her psyche. You have to come with one intention and that is to make this women feel like a Queen and compliments do just that.
Some of these “good” guys are afraid to be too emphatic with compliments because they see it as a sign of weakness. You don’t want to act “turned” out or seem too into a woman by completely ignoring the flow of the conversation but you want her to feel good. That’s it.
You don’t want her to feel creeped out, uncomfortable, awkward, under pressure to compliment you back or like a piece of meat. You want her to feel good. This means you can’t just say the same things a hot guy or a bad boy or a pro-athlete would say. It means you have to create a statement that is congruent with how attracted she is to you.
Some men stray away from compliments because they may not have worked in the past but probably because of what you said and how you said it, not the compliment itself.
Don’t try to compete with other guys.
Okay, I have to admit that I don’t exactly know how to explain this but “good” guys come in all shapes and packages. Some of these shapes and packages are just so-so. If you’re ambitious enough to want to date a beautiful woman admit that she could be with anyone and you know that.
Please, on all things holy and honorable do not try to sell yourself as equally yoked in the catch department. There are women out there, such as myself who have a host of men chasing after them. Don’t be a sucker by joining the race and acting like you’re fit enough to run.
Let this wonderful woman know that you see the race she’s running, you’re not going to run it but you will be her biggest cheerleader. Stop trying to sell yourself as someone just as good as everyone else. You have no idea who this woman has dated so don’t compete, just be different.
I don’t want nice, good, or safe guys to get the idea that it’s okay to blame women for not getting dates. If someone doesn’t want to date you, it’s your fault. If you have everything to offer to another person, that they would want there is no way you can lose.
It’s not about what you have to offer, not at all. It’s all about how you offer it. Once you can send the right message, it will be well received. I promise.