Attraction Principle #56
When you treat him casually as though he’s a friend he’ll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he also wants to be the pursuer.
Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Nice girls finish last’? Well, neither had I until I read the book, ‘Why Men Love Bitches’.
Up until then, I had believed that I was considerate, giving, and accommodating but in the words of Sherry Argov, I was too nice. The concept of being “too nice” in dating is one that has faced a lot of controversy over the years. It’s all semantics. When we claim that someone is nice, it doesn’t translate to kind or generous, it often means they’re weak, and reserved.
It’s been my experience that women are “nice” in a different way than men. We are nice because we feel bad when we’re not. In both cases the actions of the nice person are transactional. We give or do something in exchange for something else, often attention.
In fact, most women wish they didn’t have to feel so guilty all of the time just for standing up for themselves. Most women wish that they could be more demanding and in fact they should. ‘Why Men Love Bitches,’ is the book for women who can’t figure out why the men they date seem to leave them, or remain unavailable. As someone who has read a countless number of dating advice books, this one is one of my favorites. Largely because the principles are really gender specific.
Sorry dudes…
Yes, Sherry Argov is writing for women but she is explaining human principles that apply to everyone. I like this book because it enforces something that I deeply believe, which is actions have reactions. Everything you do in dating either brings you closer to or further away from your partner. If you’re like me you weren’t blessed with the natural skills of inspiring commitment so the book lays out, in clear language, which actions turn men off.
Some of my favorite principles include:
#1 Anything a person chases in life runs away.
#6 It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
#42 When you are always HAPPY; And he is always free to Go; He feels lucky.
I love this book because it’s also a hard lesson in setting boundaries.
No one has the power to make you feel happy, sad, fulfilled, depressed, or any other emotion that you don’t want to feel. YOU are in the driver’s seat of your feelings. It’s important that you don’t feel that every man you date is your last chance at love. He should be winning you over, not the other way around.
When you are anxious about where the relationship is going it’s because you’re living in a scarcity mindset. You’re experiencing a feeling that comes from a painful past experience and you’re showing low value behavior. This book gives you the tools to act like a confident person even though you might not feel confident at the time. More importantly this book emphasis one truth that both single men and women forget.
YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY
Human beings have a want and need to love and express love. We grow as people when we’re able to express ourselves in a safe and balanced relationship. If you’re trying to express love and positive feelings but you’re met with disinterest and inconsistency, don’t try harder: bounce.
You don’t need to explain why, or give them a chance to explain themselves. When you start dating someone, take their behavior at face value because that’s how they’re taking yours. In fact, a man is judging everything you say and do as an indication of how much you value yourself.
What this book emphasizes, which I love, is that the attitude you have about yourself, as seen through your actions, is exactly the attitude a man will have towards you.
The rules that this book shares are about behaving in a high value way all of the time. It doesn’t translate into conservative or perfect behavior but it stresses the need to set boundaries. The beautiful thing about boundaries is that once you set your boundaries those willing to date within them will show up for you. You have to be patient and optimistic. When you recognize that you are a prize and you act like a prize the right men try to win you over.
This book reinforces the importance of putting your self-esteem above all else. It’s a skill that can be taught and one that I suggest you learn.