Home Dating The Small Stuff In Dating And Why You Shouldn’t Sweat It

The Small Stuff In Dating And Why You Shouldn’t Sweat It

The Small Stuff In Dating And Why You Shouldn’t Sweat It

Some people you date, no matter how much you like them will piss you off. In fact, it’s likely the more that you like them, the more they will frustrate you. When it comes to the relationships they’re often times explained and not described. Relationships come with a lot of explanations. In fact just about every action and reaction comes with a reason. The person you’re dating either is or isn’t who you thought they were.

If they are, great! If they aren’t you have to choose to see them as who they are or makeup excuses for who they aren’t.

Sometimes they help you, they have a litany of back story that explains every quirky behavior and you slowly begin to piece their personality together. Other times you just have to accept that you don’t know why the person that you’re dating acts the way they do.

This is when you have to ask yourself should I stay or should I go?

By the time you’re ready to answer this pivotal question feelings are already invested and the fear of being wrong about your new boo is paralyzing. While many experts say relationships are sustained by not sweating the small stuff, what actually constitutes small? We all know you shouldn’t break up over the toilet seat being down or the last chicken wing but when do know the issue is bigger than that?

The lie that isn’t a lie

Have you ever asked a child if they had to go to the bathroom and they say no. Five minutes into your car ride, the child says they have to go to the bathroom. Naturally your response is, “Why didn’t you say that when I asked?” They say, “Because I didn’t have to go then.”

As adults we have a tendency to attract and avoid drama all in the same breath. While we know our answers aren’t completely true, they aren’t exactly false. It’s all about when you ask the question that determines the accuracy of the answer.

If your man stands you up he may admit that he was drunk and fell asleep while omitting he spent 3 hours at the bar pretty much knowing what would be the result.

Is it a deal breaker when someone keeps you out of their personal loop?

Is it unreasonable to want to know every pertinent detail of your partner’s life? If you don’t ask the right question are you accepting not getting an exact answer?

Rationalization is the way adults think. Justification is they way adults act. So while you may feel lied to if you can’t fully prove that you were, worse if your partner doesn’t feel they lied or are guilty, is it small stuff? A lie that isn’t a lie because you can’t agree that it technically was meant to deceive.

Just being lazy

As a woman, wanting more romance in a relationship is like wanting more shoes in your closet. It would be great but you can live without it. When do you decide however, that the lack of romance or effort is no longer laziness but being unappreciated? Can you even put in words what it means to be valued? How do you decide that your partner is giving the best effort they know how, if it doesn’t feel like enough? Is that small?

When you’re single it’s easy to think you know how being in a relationship will feel. If the union you’re in feels anyway different it makes you wonder, if it’s where you belong. Is that small to want to feel appreciated, loved and/ or valued or is it all in your mind?

Things that you both do

Finger pointing is the national pastime of dating. While you might be annoyed that your partner is selfish, they’re giving you the serious side eye knowing you went to Wendy’s and didn’t bring them back a smoothie.

What constitutes incredibly selfish, inconsiderate and disrespectful? (Anything done by someone else)

Again, the small stuff seems to be the behaviors that you can never agree on or that can be explained or justified. Maybe you only had $1.08 for a JBC (junior bacon cheeseburger) damn tax. If this person is consistent, believable, reliable and devoted, just as you say you are, the relationships should be smooth sailing right? But if the waters are rocky over the simple things does that mean real issues will capsize you?

This is when even your gut is deceiving. Is stuff only small when you can’t quite define what the issue actually is? Cheating, abuse, lies and a threat to your security are clear cyphers of disregard but if the issue is indefinable does it mean it’s small?

My ex-boyfriend had one too many female friends for my liking, worst he never let me meet them. I was suspicious. Was that small? I didn’t think so. While you want to be respectful you deserve to be apart of your partners life, sufficed to say, we broke up. Then I started thinking that the ‘big stuff’ is anything that makes you question your security or sense of self. The things that make you feel not that you’re losing them, but yourself. The things that slowly wear at who you always thought you were. Those are the things that should never be ignored.

The ‘small stuff’ must be anything else.

What do you think?

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