“Right now, you are knowing who you are at depth or you are avoiding it. You are relaxing and embodying your soul’s purpose on earth or you are resisting your calling.”
Men have never been held to a high standard for self-awareness. The messages that most men receive about how to be a man endorse ignoring yourself i.e your emotions and promote acting ‘as if’ until you feel powerful.
‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ is advice designed for men drenched in toxic masculinity.
Despite the various resources for advice, dating seems even more complicated today than ever. Most adults are never taught how to date but instead receive instruction from the world around them. Some take cues from movies and television, others from books, and others from their friends, siblings, and mentors.
The one thing to understand about dating is that it’s not an accident. Relationships don’t start through chance. In order to meet women, date them, and eventually enter into a relationship with one, you have to understand and develop your own process.
Each morning the average adult will get out of bed, brush their teeth, and begin the day. We all have morning routines but I guarantee you that few routines are exactly the same. In dating, you have to develop a routine that works best for you. One that gets you the results that you want everytime without exception.
Don’t Let Your Self-Esteem Get In Your Way
Go ahead and say it right now… I hate myself, I hate my life, I suck, the world sucks, I wish things were different. Even if these aren’t your exact sentiments, understand that you’re not alone in thinking this way. We tend to shy away from intense words like hate, suck, terrible, etc. but sometimes that is exactly how we feel about the world.
You should have higher self esteem.
You should like yourself more but maybe you don’t.
Just because you don’t always appreciate who you are or your own self-worth doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy dating. You just have to be honest with yourself about your insecurities. We all have them but you don’t have to be ruled by them.
Once you can admit that there are parts of yourself that you haven’t explored, or that you don’t like, you can move on to the characteristics you’re proud of and value. If you want to master your self image, The Way of the Superior Man teaches you how.
Outcomes Are Just Information
Have you heard the phrase, ‘don’t take it personally’? If you’ve ever worked in sales, you realize that hearing the word ‘No’ is just a part of the job. It’s reasonable for someone to reject something unfamiliar. You have to accept that your ideas about yourself are not reinforced by any particular outcomes.
- Rejection doesn’t prove you’re worthless.
- Incompatibility doesn’t validate how lovable you are.
- A denial doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, maybe just your approach.
- Never let someone else’s desires hurt your feelings. Let people want what they want.
Other people are allowed to reject you for their own reasons. Respect that.
If you want to get good at dating, you’ll have to accept your own emotional limits. You have to get clear on what you can emotionally handle and what makes you feel insecure. Give yourself permission to feel bad when things don’t go your way then ask yourself, ‘Why do these specific outcomes make me feel so bad?’.
Sometimes we give meaning to situations that don’t mean anything. A woman has her own reasons for how she responds or reacts and that may or may not have anything to do with you. You can always work on being a better person, one that is charming and desirable. When faced with an unexpected outcome in dating it doesn’t hurt to investigate what you could have done better or differently.
Approach Dating Patiently
In dating, time can feel like the enemy. We can’t help but wonder:
What if they meet someone else?
What if they forget about me?
It’s now or never.
Dating can sometimes feel like a race against the clock but there is no element more crucial to dating than timing. You can’t miss an opportunity that is meant for you. If you believe that, you can date with a little more patience.
When navigating the dating world, accept that love takes time. Often we want to get the date out of the way because we just want to “know” if we’re wasting our time or not. Liking someone, or having romantic curiosity about someone isn’t something you should rush. As long as you set the intention to get to know them, follow your own process and incorporate some patience.
When you lack patience you come across as needy. Anytime you approach a situation with the attitude of this has to happen right now you’ll reek of desperation.
So what are the steps to asking a woman on a date?
Plan the date
Make a list of activities that you think you’d enjoy doing with someone else. Imagine that you already have a date, or a girlfriend and create a list of events that interest you. Is there a car show coming to town, a film festival, a comedy show, an art exhibit or a restaurant to try?
Educate yourself on the activities available in your area and constantly keep a running list of things you could do with a partner.
When you meet a woman that you’d like to take on a date let her know your intentions. Being candid about what you expect allows the woman to feel safe because she doesn’t have to decipher your motives.
Often men assume that everything has the same meaning to men and women but this is rarely the case. Inviting a woman to spend time with you doesn’t necessarily make her feel that you’re inviting her on a date. So make it clear.
Offer a formal invitation
Too many men take the easy, or lazy, way out when asking a woman on a date. They are far too casual. You might assume that this is just how things are done, but that doesn’t mean it’s the way that you have to do them. Excellence is a practice not a default.
You can go about dating like every other average man or you can create habits of excellence and get the results that you want, every time. When you are ready to go on a date, send a formal invite: I’d like to get to know you, can I take you on a date?
This is the clearest way you can communicate your intentions. If she isn’t interested she’ll let you know. And that’s a good thing, because you haven’t wasted any time guessing her intentions.
In summary, you should put into practice a process for dating that is as thoughtful as your gym routine. A strategy for success helps to make dating more enjoyable. Life works best when we feel like we know what we’re doing. If you want to ask a woman on a date successfully have a plan, and execute that plan.