Introversion and extraversion are probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in the dynamics of personality traits. Someone who is introverted if often confused with someone who is shy. While someone who is extraverted is often mistaken as someone constantly seeking attention.
This would lead one to believe that you can easily spot an introvert – the quiet person sitting alone in the corner of the room or an extravert – the person holding court in the center of the party. These descriptions are wildly over generalized. The personality of an introvert and an extravert aren’t as polar as many people think. This is why those who are introverted tend to confuse many people that date them. If you are dating an introvert or are interested in dating someone who is introverted there are a few characteristics that you should be aware of.
How to Spot an Introvert
Introverts aren’t always the shy loner portrayed in movies. The one being dragged to parties and social settings. In fact, many introverted people enjoy being around people even if they aren’t engaging with anyone in particular.
Check the sidelines
Introverts do go to parties, but their way of interacting at social gatherings is distinct. An introvert can mix and mingle and meet new people. They might even enjoy doing so. Their approach, however, will be different than that of an extrovert.
An introvert usually hangs out along the edges of a room. They are likely to avoid large clusters of people in favor of one-on-one conversation. Rather than ‘working the room’ an introvert is likely to spend the bulk of the evening talking to one or two people. They will often appear deeply focused on the conversation – as if there were no one else in the room.
Don’t overlook the host
A little known trait of an introvert is to be a great host. Many would rather host a party than attend someone else’s. There are several valid reasons for this. As a host, they can choose the guests, time and atmosphere. Hosting duties give them an excuse to escape the group when needed. Introverts might also coordinate activities and clubs as a way of connecting with people on their own terms.
Find them in nature
A lot of introverts find refuge and peace in nature. The great outdoors is a place where introverts can wonder and explore without feeling overwhelmed. Most outdoor clubs (except perhaps the extreme sport kind) are teaming with nature-loving introverts.
After you’ve done a little bit of research and have found yourself an introvert, how can you connect with them and build a relationship that you both enjoy.
Quality Time
Introverts are interested in spending quality time with their partner. This doesn’t mean never going out but it means having a deep connection with each other over the distraction of any other activity. This could include making dinner together, painting, or just cuddling up on the couch. Introverts enjoy getting to know their partner through intimate time together.
Deep Conversations
As self-aware as they are, introverts often think very deeply about topics and enjoy having deep conversations about their interests. If you want to impress an introvert give a lot of thought into the subjects of self, arts, science, and society. Introverts love to know what others are thinking and listen intently when the conversation dives deep below the surface. They also tend to connect with those who ask thoughtful and thought provoking questions.
Be Physical
This might come as a surprise but introverts tend to be very sensitive to touch. Connecting with your introverted partner through slight physical touch is a great way to build a bond and get them to lower their defenses. You might be surprised because your introverted date doesn’t put the moves on you, or seem to be interested in physical closeness.
Even though they are keeping a little bit of distance, your introverted partner loves being touched in slight ways like a shoulder rub, or holding their hand. They welcome any warm gesture or genuine physical connection like a stroke on their arm or back or a squeeze of their knee.
If you’ve fallen for an introverted person it’s likely that they aren’t as overtly expressive as you are used to but they will be receptive to your attention as long as it is genuine.