To quote the now infamous book and its classic yet simple concept, ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’. And by definition it’s all small stuff. In dating we like to take things, other people’s behaviors, personally. Our ego is fighting to be heard.
We let trivial situations enrage us, upset us, bring us to tears and in some cases borderline depression, all because of rejection. It’s our perception of rejection that ultimately overwhelms us. I over think things quite often. I have a very active brain, and imagination. I tend to take on responsibilities that I don’t need to because of my need to be in control and my inability to ‘go with the flow’.
It’s tough. It’s stressful. Over the years I’ve gotten better at letting go, realizing that I am not in control of everything, nor do I need to be. Imagine if you could accept that concept. If someone didn’t call you, didn’t return your text, cancelled your plans, stood you up, lied to you or blew you of completely could you treat it as something small.
That’s the small stuff in dating that our ego wants to make into mountains.
Why are you mad? Ask and answer honestly. You were looking forward to seeing this person. You feel rejected.
Fill in the blank with the answer that best relates to you.
We have trouble not sweating the small stuff because we weave it so tightly with the big stuff. One unreturned phone call suddenly means you’re ugly, unworthy, never going to get married, a loser and further evidence that you’ll die alone.
Whoa, hold up.
Sweating the small stuff in dating is thinking things have to go wrong before they go right. If someone blew you off, lied to you or treated you unfairly don’t take it personally. Don’t make it a big deal just because you had high hopes for the courtship.
Don’t assign meaning to anyone else’s actions.
So how do you let it just roll off of your back when you really want answers? You want to know why they did that to you. You want to call them up, confront them and demand that they like you and date you. Sound crazy? Yes, it is. Not sweating the small stuff starts with not needing to know why. What happened has happened and no amount of explanation will change why it happened.
Don’t let others’ actions affect how you feel how about yourself. Your value and self-worth should not change depending on who’s calling you or not.
Be too busy to notice. When we don’t have anything going on in our lives, small things become big things. Focus on what’s going to get you where you need to go.
Don’t make a stranger so important. We forget that we’re dating people we don’t know that well. Why are you putting so much belief in them? Maybe they aren’t decent human beings. Not sweating the small stuff boils down to one simple concept; no one owes you anything. Enjoy what you’ve been blessed with and what you haven’t gotten isn’t meant for you.
Trust me, I’ve done my share of crying and pouting over men. After hours of wallowing in sorrow on a wet pillow, I realized that nothing had changed. My tears never changed the past.
The small things are the things that make so little difference, only you notice.
The person who “hurt” you or blew you off has no idea that you have feel hurt or wronged, nor do they care. The pain only exist in your mind, so why let it? Why embrace the negative feelings of anger, rejection and disappointment?
Stop it!
Tell yourself; you don’t care until you don’t care. Tell yourself it’s no big deal until it isn’t. Even if you have to play mind games with yourself understand that it’s worth it.
Thoughts?