A newly single friend came to me wanting advice on how to ‘Get back out there’. They weren’t ready to date yet but wanted tips on where to go to meet people. Anyone who knows my philosophies understands that we are always ‘meeting’ people and there is no such thing as ‘Out there’.
As if there is a membership all single people belong to and it’s only a matter of going to that place like you would go to the gym or the movies.
If you believe there is a line between where you are and where dating happens you’re forgetting one element of being a human being: connection. The most critical concept I could get any person to understand is that connecting with others is our duty. Connection is how we add value. If you aren’t connecting with others it means that you’re not adding value to their lives in a meaningful way and that is a shame.
People remember how we made them feel. That’s what creates strong connections. To succeed in connecting you must add value.
Be Curious
Ask questions out of genuine curiosity. Follow up with more questions. Get great at asking questions that lead to meaningful answers.
Listen
Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Don’t just ignore their answer and move the conversation along. Don’t just wait to get their number. Actively listen to what the other person is saying.
Compliment their spirit
Have you ever told someone that they had great energy? How about, a lot of passion. What about a wonderful attitude? Dating isn’t about looks it’s about energy. Make note of others’ energy and say something nice about it.
Give first
What are you willing to contribute to make the interaction successful? We are conditioned to respond. We are not seekers we’re hiders. When you give first, you’ll be amazed at the reaction you draw.
Connection is holding out our hands and giving another person something to hold on to instead of holding out our hands and asking for something. Most interactions are give and take when they should be share. When you connect, you share an experience that is meaningful and memorable. Both parties enjoy themselves.
Don’t focus on dating or meeting the one. Simply decide that you want to add value. The way that you add value is by making connections. Get out there and do it.