I’m sorry to break the news but you can’t date everyone.
Although some of you
hos try, it’s better to know sooner than later who is worth dating and who isn’t. It will save you time, money and a really cute outfit asking the right questions from the start.
Don’t be afraid. So what if this man has six kids and it turns you off? So what if this woman has six kids and it turns you off, it’s better to dodge a bullet than treat a wound.
I have never had a problem meeting men, which is likely the case for most singles. It’s not the quantity just the quality and while we think we should give everyone a chance under the “you never know” philosophy, I’m here to tell you that you can know. You should know. Knowing is half the battle.
You meet a stranger, they seem nice and they are somewhat attractive. When you are trying to get a date or get laid you must never lose sight of why you are talking to strangers in the first place. If a man or woman doesn’t present a clear reason for sparking a conversation, don’t just naturally make small talk. Single men and women can ill –afford to waste time barking up the wrong trees.
Does this seem rude?
Maybe it is but I want you to know that you are the boss of you. You are important enough to have the right to pick and choose who you want to talk to. No one can force you to talk to them and I don’t want you wasting precious time with meaningless chitchat.
You can learn a lot from people if you ask the right questions.
Dating is like selling in that you have to ask questions to find out what someone needs and if you can possibly provide it, more so, if you want to.
There are two mistakes singles make when meeting strangers: they don’t have a goal and they don’t ask the right questions. If you’re looking for someone to sleep with you’ll need to know less information than if you’re looking for a real partner.
What information is important depends on what you expect to come of the interaction. If I want a man to take me to a five-star restaurant I might be interested in what food he likes and what he does for a living.
Some singles ask the right questions but just don’t know how to process the answers. Men and women communicate on totally different levels. While women rely heavily on hinting men often ask more personal questions. So what are the most important elements of your conversation going to be?
1. Why are you talking to this person?
Either they are attractive; they look interesting, etc, etc. There can be many reasons to spark a conversation but it should never be because you are just bored, lonely or not having a good time. If you waste time talking to a person you aren’t interested in the person that you are interested in maybe passing you by.
Especially if you are in a public place be it a grocery store or a club. Do not waste your time if you can’t attribute a positive reason for politicking with a stranger. I know you don’t want to be rude but be rude. It’s alright; God will forgive you and trust me this person doesn’t want to be strung along anymore than you enjoy stringing them along.
2. What do you want from this person?
It’s okay to want something, even if all you want is for them to want you. There were times when I met men and I just wanted to know how far they were willing to go to impress me.
How much were they willing to do, to get me to go out with them. If you don’t want anything then keep it moving. They are wasting your time or you are wasting theirs. It can just be for company, a dinner date or free drinks. In dating there is no right or wrong reason why you should talk to someone because as the end of the day if you enjoy it, it was worth it.
You should have a purpose. Even if it’s just to practice talking to strangers for those singles back on the market. Mindless behavior is what kills successful dating. Some might look at it as having an agenda, so what. Have an agenda because that’s how you tell if you’re successful or not. If you don’t have a goal to accomplish or purpose you can’t grow.
When you meet people who you like, something tells you, “I want to date this person because I am attracted to them.” If you’re talking to someone and this isn’t your reason, you better have a plan B.
3. Know your deal breakers.
I can’t date a man who smokes. I can’t date a fire sign. I ask these two questions immediately before I even know a man’s name. I refuse, refuse, refuse! So often singles go out with someone without proper screening.
If you’re not willing to screen your dates properly you’re telling the world that you are open for anything and that is exactly what you will get. The art of being specific is interpreted as judgmental but that just isn’t the case. It’s okay to know what you want, even if it’s unreasonable. 1. The only way to know whether you really want it is to get it. 2. If you don’t know what you want, you won’t get it and you will always want it.
The fact is, if you feel like you’re not with the right person but you don’t know what the right person is you will always feel unfulfilled.
The more success you can have when you date is the more willing singles will be to do it. If we waste time facing disappointments we think dating sucks. There are no such things as bad dates only bad daters.
When you put dating into perspective, understand that couples are formed and they breakup everyday. Some people you will meet, think they are fantastic but you will never date them. Sure, you might learn a lesson but will you actually get any closer to finding your perfect partner? Not really. At first, it will take a little focus, awareness and intent but the more you practice mindful dating, the easier it will be. You will build confidence in meeting new people and you will also attract more people by shifting your energy and being more inviting.
You can actually live knowing that great people will come in and out of your life instead of being nervous that you are missing out on opportunities. You will never feel like you missed any opportunities and that is the best feeling.
What do you wish you would’ve known about the last person that you dated and how would that have affected your relationship?