Very few people are good daters.
When I was in my 20s and averaging about 3 dates a week, I spent most of the time choosing bars, restaurants, or a movie. Even though I was going out with different men, I found myself engaging in the same activities. Most people who date, either frequently or once a year, experience something very similar.
We hate going on dates because they all seem the same.
Before we’re even asked on a date or considering making plans with potential partners we’ve already envisioned sitting across from each other at a cute, swanky- slash-hip, restaurant or bar waiting for the right time to say, “So what do you do?”
What sets apart good daters from bad ones, is being the person that breaks the dating monotony.
You have to give the impression that your attention is valuable, rare and uplifting.
I’ve often written about the 3 E’s of dating; enlighten, entertain and engage.
If you don’t take the time to master these qualities, you’ll be passed over by the person you want the most.
I wasn’t even there but I can tell you that you didn’t engage, enlighten or entertain your dates or they would still be dating you. Let me also give you a few more hints on why your last date failed.
By “failed” I mean that it didn’t yield the desired results. You might be on date number sixteen with someone who you really like but the relationship isn’t progressing.
Your dating efforts might be failing and here are a few reasons why the last time you were with a potential partner, things didn’t go right.
You didn’t dress the part.
It’s the 21st century so if I can’t be real with you what’s the point. You didn’t dress like or look like someone they wanted to sleep with. Looks matter. They aren’t the only factor in dating and or most important but they matter.
You didn’t dress like a match for your potential date. You probably didn’t look sexy. If you choose not to look sexy on a date then you’re running the risk of your date never calling you again.
You weren’t fun.
Men and women have two totally different ideas of fun. If you’re a good dater then you know how to have a good time with a complete stranger. One way is treating your new date like an old friend. You have to be willing to touch, and be flirtatious. Don’t act like you’re being judged on everything that you do or say.
Your date might have full intentions of judging you but on the date they should be laughing too hard or feeling too engaged to do so until the dates over.
You had sex or tried to.
If you’re a woman and you don’t know that having sex without commitment will never lead you to commitment, stop reading right now. I’m judging you.
Sex is fun and you should like it but it’s not a dating strategy.
If you want to date casually then have sex. If you want a committed relationship then don’t have sex. You can’t do the same thing and expect two totally different results.
If you want to have great dates I applaud you. Anything is possible when you know what you’re doing. Instead of viewing the date as an interview process, just have fun. Relax but remember to stay in control of yourself and you are in charge of the outcome.
Thoughts?