A man that isn’t actively dating you is the wrong man for you. I get a lot of questions about dating and relationships but none more frequent than: I haven’t heard from him, what should I do?
My answer is always the same. Move on. Stop settling for crumbs.
The nice thing about dating someone casually and not actually being in a relationship is that you have the right to ghost anyone who hasn’t fulfilled their promises. If he hasn’t called you, or text you to plan another date then let him go. If he doesn’t want to see you on the weekends, then move on. You don’t need an announcement or a conversation about it.
When a man you hardly know is treating you like shit, you have my permission never to speak to him again.
So why do women hold onto men who are putting very little effort in the courtship? Because they want to “make it work.” I read a quote that said, “A beautiful woman won’t keep a good man, hell a good woman can barely keep a good man. The only thing that keeps a good man is a man that wants to be kept.”
If you’re dating a man who isn’t as excited to date you as you are to date him then you need to let him go. All excuses aside, you deserve better.
Falling for the wrong guy happens to almost everyone.
It’s a combination of timing, need, and emotional state. Sometimes we’re vulnerable to the wrong relationship based on where we are in our lives. It doesn’t mean we should stay with these wrong people. In most cases you learn something and move on. Once you realize that the relationship is less than you want that’s when you begin to make your exit.
Unfortunately, most women try harder to make the relationship work instead of letting it fall apart. If you got rid of all your excuses, would you even have a relationship? You know that you aren’t happy but instead of confronting your partner, you concoct new ways to get him to change.
You start “playing the game” and working harder to show your value. You act nicer, more understanding and sweeter than ever.
Doing everything you can not to rock the boat and chase him away forever. Unfortunately, you can’t keep a man who doesn’t want to be kept. Especially if he doesn’t want to be kept by you. If he’s acting like a jerk now then all you will end up with is a jerk for a boyfriend. What valuable woman would want that?
When clients come to me with relationship issues I ask this questions: Do you think your partner appreciates you 100%. Their answer is usually no and coupled with the fact that their partner has abandoned the relationship in some way, shape or form. They have either checked out, showing less effort than they once did, or they have asked for space.
So why then would it seem rational to hold on to someone who is clearly uninterested in being with you and showing it?
A man that is uninterested in you is someone who leaves you guessing about the stability of the relationship. This is emotional warfare. To threaten the end of a relationship or courtship and leave the other person without security is cruel. Nothing feeds insecurity like inconsistent behavior. If you find yourself wondering if he’ll be around tomorrow, the next day or the day after that then do yourself a favor and leave.
You deserve to feel safe in your relationship
As a strong woman you can either demand it by setting boundaries or you can find someone else who will give you the consistency that you need.
The reality is that not enough people stand up for themselves in relationships, men or women. Because of this we find it acceptable to fill in the blanks for what our partner won’t offer us. We make excuses because at one time they seemed to like us, even love us. Once we chemically bond with the person we’re dating, through physical touch or adrenaline release, it can seem unappealing to walk away no matter how little attention they offer. At one time this man was probably telling you the right things, supporting your dreams and operating as an active participant in the courtship.
There is a saying in sports, ”You’re only as good as the last thing you did.” Although we should appreciate the past and the culmination of our partner’s actions we shouldn’t hold onto them so feverishly that they outweigh the negative, damaging and destructive actions of today.
Emotions can wane in dating. Love can fade. Just because your partner really liked you doesn’t mean they still do. They are probably showing you how they really feel but you refuse to accept it.
If you’re making excuses for their behavior based on the premise that they used to love you, or they used to be kind to you then it’s time to reexamine your personal value.
Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want to be with you. Either he has shown you with his actions or he’s said so with his words. Don’t try to convince him that he’s wrong and you are the right woman for him. Why? Because a real man knows when he isn’t putting in his all and here you are accepting his bad behavior. That makes you look desperate instead of understanding and well-meaning. A man will not change with you in his life just as a watched pot won’t boil.
Is it possible for the man you’re dating to see the error of his ways? Of course but not while you’re standing between him and the mirror. It’s only when you’re out of his life, and he can face his own reflection, will a man consider the need to change. The more you sacrifice your dignity, to be with someone who is on the fence about being with you, the lower your value is to them.
Being selfless or standing by someone’s side when they haven’t asked you to is stupid.
So ask yourself why you’re putting up with it?
- Why are you investing twice the energy in the courtship than your partner?
- Why are you constantly questioning their behavior and lack of interest when it’s obvious what it means?
- Why are you afraid to leave a relationships where you aren’t happy and fulfilled?
These questions are critical to making the hard decision to walk away from a guy that isn’t giving you everything that you deserve. Either he isn’t capable or he doesn’t want to, but either way you’re not getting it and that means it’s time to go. When a man starts to show you that you are not a priority to him that is the moment to begin your exit. The earlier you see the signs the better. If you have communicated your needs and he is unwilling to invest in the relationship then leave it.
A healthy relationship takes two equal parties giving in equal proportions.
A lot of people enter into unhealthy relationships. The divorce rate is high for a reason. When we find ourselves struggling to get out is when we need to reevaluate our personal value. There is nothing wrong with moving on from someone who doesn’t deserve your love. Especially when they’ve made it clear that they don’t want it. Dating successfully takes a healthy self-esteem and the trust that there is another man out there willing to love you more and be a better partner.
There is always someone willing to treat as you deserve but you have to first believe they exist. If you are a good woman, the right man will see that full stop. He won’t need to be convinced or tricked into dating you. He will recognize it based on his values. If you accept that the right man will always recognize your worth, even when you don’t, then you will never waste time on a man that doesn’t again.
I hope this was helpful.