“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”- Yul Brynner
Are you too smart for your own good? It has never been scientifically proven that men prefer beauty over brains. What we do know is that even the smartest women do some dumb things when it comes to love.
There’s the story of the doctor who tried to climb down her ex-boyfriends chimney and died or the astronaut who drove cross-country in a diaper to confront her lover’s girlfriend. (In a diaper no less)
Being intelligent is a quality you should be proud of but it’s only useful in dating when applied correctly. I came across the article, ‘Six Disadvantages of Being Smart’ on the blog practicalpickup.com where the author talks about how some intelligent men get in their own way when it comes to dating. Women, I feel, do the same thing. Men don’t really like smart women, let me explain. No man goes out to a bar, to a nightclub, to a strip club for that matter to meet an intelligent woman. He isn’t searching for laundry list of degrees or accolades. If a man starts flirting with you in line at Starbucks, it isn’t because you look “intelligent”.
In dating it’s more important that you’re friendly, kind, funny, attentive and genuine than a Rhodes scholar.
Being intelligent when it comes to men isn’t the about your comprehensive knowledge of nuclear physics or finance; it’s about a complete understanding of one subject, him. If you’re smart about men, you’ll realize that there are better ways to display your intelligence than what I see some women doing in the dating world today. If you’re an intelligent woman and you have the documents to prove it, good for you but being smart about men isn’t the same as being book smart.
The mistake some “smart” women make is letting their book smarts get in the way of their social intelligence.
Intelligence can never take the place of charm. What every smart person should know is being charismatic is just as important as being intelligent. So I find that some intelligent women make the following mistakes when it comes to attracting and interacting with men.
1. THINKING YOU SHOULDN’T BE BEAUTIFUL
There is a stigma in western culture that beauty and brains don’t mix. Just because a lot of so-called beautiful women act dumb in pop culture doesn’t mean being smart equals being ugly but society often promotes that association. Caring about what you look like isn’t the ultimate betrayal of feminism or an insult to female intelligence.
Feeling beautiful is an essential part of being a woman yet some very intelligent women ignore their looks almost as an allegiance to their intelligence. Any desire to want to inspire and appreciate beauty should be embraced not judged or demeaned. Intelligent women can sometimes minimize the importance of beauty by neglecting their own looks or putting down the looks of other women. At the end of the day do you want a man who isn’t attracted to all of you?
Don’t make the mistake of making your looks trivial or secondary just because you have an exceptional mind. Be the complete package.
2. THINKING YOU HAVE TO PROVE A POINT
A big mistake so-called “intelligent” women make is constantly feeling the need to prove their point. Successful flirting is largely based on how you make a man feel. If you’re hammering your point home and drilling it into your date that you’re right and he’s wrong instead of seeming smart you’ll seem mean.
If your date makes a statement that you disagree with or you know for a fact isn’t true don’t make it a big deal. You’re smart enough to know that you don’t need to see him again if he isn’t a fit. When you are asked to share your opinion the abridged version, not the dissertation you wrote on the subject, keep in mind being right doesn’t make you smarter. You may come across as smart but you won’t come across as fun.
Don’t make the mistake of getting into heated debates or having to be right with a man you don’t know that well. He probably isn’t worth the energy and you’ll come across like the bully.
3. THINKING YOU ARE YOUR RESUME
I didn’t go to college.
When I know something I don’t attribute it to the political science class I had freshman year or the environmental studies course I took in Italy while studying abroad. Your job is not who you are. Your resume is not your identity. What you’ve accomplished in life is no indication that you would make a great partner. In dating, the women who are constantly reminding men, (or whoever will listen) of what degrees they earned, from what university, don’t impress men.
Here’s a newsflash: men are easily impressed.
Some are yet to figure out that women are allowed into college. Men are more impressed by your ability to walk and chew gum at the same time. The bar is set low for impressing a man because they aren’t attracted to women who only impress them but also intrigue them. A man is impressed that you’re talking to him. While these are extreme examples the point is that in dating men are happy when women are showing them attention. What you do, who you know, and where you graduated from only impress men who are looking to use your credentials to make themselves seem important.
Leading with credentials are a quick way to come across as boring or self-important. Don’t make the mistake of using your resume as an ego booster for a man. It is a part of you but it isn’t all of you.
4. THINKING MORE IS LESS
It’s a natural assumption that women talk a lot. Smart women seem to talk exponentially more than that. When you meet a man you want him to want to get to know more about you. This is not interview time. If a topic arises that you know a lot about don’t share everything you know.
Give a quick preview, a sound bite, a hint of what you know. If this man wants to know more, he’ll have to take you on a date or call you on the phone. He’ll have to know more about you before you go spilling the intellectual goods. Listening is far more attractive than talking and the most intelligent women know this. Don’t make the mistake of being longwinded. Saying less can lead to dating more.
5. THINKING SMARTER MEANS BETTER
I’ve had my share of experiences with men who didn’t have to common sense God gave a lightbulb, but they were amazing men. They were kind, sweet and caring. If you’re too concerned with outwitting your date, then you may miss out on meeting a great guy. Not to say that you can’t fulfill your thirst for intellectual stimulation but the mistake I’ve seen smart women make is judging a man too soon by his level or perceived intelligence.
Keep an open mind to the various ways that intelligence shows up in a conversation. Don’t assume a man isn’t a catch because he doesn’t the same degrees or passion for the esoteric. Take the time to get to know if someone can hold your interest, even if they can’t always hold the conversation. I hope this was helpful. Leave your comments below.