Men are hunters. Men like a chase. Men like to be the leaders. Men are the conquerors.
How many times have you heard similar characterizations man and felt helpless when the man that you wanted wasn’t showing interest. Based on what you have been taught, you should let a man pursue you. Obviously he knows what he wants, and if he isn’t pursuing you then he must not want you. This sounds logical.
What if, by just sheer evolution these traits don’t just apply to men. What if women also hunt, are leaders and like to chase. This isn’t a collapse of gender roles, although some might argue that they do need to be upended. This is basic evolution.
On the prairie and for the survival of offspring, men did these things. They hunted, they chased, they lead, and they pursued. But we are no longer on the prairie. Your body feels much safer in the city without the threat of lions, and tigers and bears.
So why do we still believe that these behaviors are the telltale sign of interest and without them, a man just isn’t that into you?
It’s likely that you are living far from the Savanah. In fact, you probably have met a great guy and you’re ready to get to know him and are mostly impatient or unsure of how the relationship will develop. You know that there is mutual interest but he isn’t being aggressive in his pursuit so what gives?
Is he into you? Does he want to date you? Does he even like you?
And the last but more critical question remains, can you pursue him?
Women are not helpless when it comes to dating. If you want to develop a relationship with a man but you aren’t sure if he feels the same way, it’s okay to be clear about your intentions without seeming desperate, eager, or overbearing.
Be Clear About What You Want From Him
At the most basic level humans want attention. We are satisfied partly through social media, but there is nothing sweeter than getting the attention of a love interest. So you may be tempted to text him, or call him but at your core, what you really want is his attention. You want him to notice you.
If you are interested in a guy but don’t want to be too forward. Simply let him know that you like him, and find him interesting. You’d love to take the time to get to know each other. So he should contact you to go out sometime.
This is VERY forward in the name of gender roles but it’s smart. You don’t want to wait around but you don’t want to take the reins. You are clear about what you want. You want to get to know him. You are clear about what he can do, ask you out. If a man doesn’t respond favorably to this invitation then it’s okay to move on. There are no need for games or for manipulation when looking for love. You don’t want to spend time with or focused on the wrong person. If he isn’t following up, on a very explicit invitation, then he might have circumstances, such as a girlfriend, preventing him from doing so. Don’t take his lack of follow through as a sign of disinterest.
You will never be right when choosing a partner but you can always be sure. When you find someone that you’re willing to risk possible heartache with, it’s best to be sure. And if you’re sure then be patient. The pursuit that might come from a man lends to the notion that the man is in control but he isn’t. The deciding force in your union is of course timing. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships nothing happens before it’s time. How many instances have you heard of a couple reuniting after several years apart.
Would you see this as wasted time?
When you are sure that the guy you’ve chosen is the right guy for you, it’s important to go at his pace. This doesn’t mean that you don’t speak up about your desires every chance you get. It just means that you don’t need to rush the courtship and make him choose you. Often times women want the man to claim her. It’s because the movies have taught us that men know immediately if a woman is who he wants. This isn’t totally untrue but just because a man knows that he wants to be with you, doesn’t mean that he is ready to be with you.
This means that he has his own challenges when it comes to being a partner. If a man is hesitant to claim you and jump into a committed relationship with you, he’s doing you a favor by prolonging the union until he can be a better boyfriend.
Create a Vision for the Future
It feels really good when a man is pursuing you. He is holding you as his point of attention and it validates your value and self-worth to a large degree. Even when you have been the one pursuing him, it still feels rewarding when you win him over.
But what happens when you get the guy?
It’s not often that you ride off into the sunset together. The relationship is typically when the real work begins. Many women want to pursue a man for a relationship but they aren’t clear what a relationship with him would really look like. They don’t have a vision of the future.
This might work to getting the man to be with you but what is the relationship dynamic after that? It’s not enough to know that you want to be with a man, it’s important to have a vision of what kind of relationship you want to have. Why? Because this man wants to be with you but that doesn’t mean that he will be a good partner.
Before you pursue a man for a relationship, ask yourself which is more important, the man or the title. Often times women want commitment but they are willing to wait for a man who seems unsure, than to find a man willing to commit. A man should pursue a woman that he is interested in but a woman should do the same. If the man isn’t receptive to your pursuit move on. It’s one thing to catch a man who isn’t running away, its quite another to be in a full on chase.