I’ve said it once or twice but I will say it again. The purpose of the first date is to get a second date. It’s no different than getting an interview once you apply for a new job. The application might get you through the door but the interview is what get’s you hired. What I want you to understand is that you are not the applicant, you’re doing the hiring.
When single men and women fail to get a second date it’s likely because they’ve made these common mistakes.
Gossiping
Nothing is more distracting on a date than talking about someone else. I heard the quote,” If your eyes didn’t see it your mouth shouldn’t say it.”
Now of course this is very general. There is no harm in talking about news or current events that you’ve recently read about. There is no harm in making a joke or two about celebrities or public figures that you find interesting. What you must avoid however is making someone else’s life more interesting than your own, which is what gossip does. Speaking of someone else’s business implies that you have no business of your own.
Gossip makes you seem petty and worst of all boring.
A good rule of thumb about first date conversation is to listen more than you speak. Ask the right questions, follow up with more questions then question the answers. The goal is put your date on the platform and allow them to tell you about who they are so you can decide if they’re worth pursuing. Be attentive and engaged.
When you are talking, speak only about the things your passionate about. Don’t speak about anyone or anything in a negative light if you can help it.
Gossip is for those who have nothing better or smarter to say. That’s not you so avoid all gossip altogether.
Complaining
You do not have the right to complain. No matter how bad your life is, or how shitty your day was, your date is not free dumping ground for your woes. There is an upside to everything and its your job to find it. You can see the glass half full or half empty but you don’t have the right to complain about the contents, at least you have a glass.
Your words have power. When you complain you are creating negative energy.
Complaining about what’s wrong and what you don’t like makes you appear to be a miserable person. You don’t have the right to make your date miserable as well just because you are. The first date should be about having fun. You haven’t agreed to the date to see if the two of you are soul mates. You agreed to the date to see if the two of you could have fun together. The first date answers one critical question: do you enjoy each other’s company?
So should you hide you feelings and experiences to seem happy and cheerful? Absolutely! A date is no place to air your woes, try therapy. The first date is about experiencing a great time with someone new. If you can’t place your troubles aside for a few hours then you have no business dating until you can.
Arguing
There is no way to win an argument and keep a friend. In this century you can always Google a fact. If you have a difference of opinion with a date then make a note of it. It’s possible that you’re not compatible. The point of the date is to earn a second date but with contrarian beliefs you might not want one.
Arguing with your date just makes you domineering, argumentative and unlikeable.
If you can’t be empathetic to why your date has a varying opinion or an opinion at all then ask yourself why it means so much another person agree with you. There are various ways to disagree but there are no good ways to argue.
If you find yourself getting physically affected by a conversation, and worked up over a disagreement then take a deep breath and end that line of conversation. There is no argument worth a good date.
Feel free to debate topics that might be controversial and divisive but don’t argue about them. You want to win your date over or at least be understanding to their point of view. There is no way to win an argument. Even when you’re right, you’ve made the other person feel embarrassed, angry or isolated by your opinions. It’s fine to disagree but it’s not fine to try to be right at your date’s expense.
Indifference
They say the opposite of love is indifference. If you don’t have an opinion, try to find one before your next first date.
The worst dates are with those who haven’t chosen a side or picked a preference. You never want to come across as someone who can’t make a decision. If your life is a chorus of, “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care,” and the dreaded, “It’s fine,” your date is doomed to find you boring.
- Do your best to speak up on your date.
- Yes and no are your friends.
- Don’t act indifferent when you do mind.
- Let your date know what you want and what you like, that way they can give it to you.
Your date is trying to get to know you as well as you them. Being indifferent doesn’t make you easy going it makes you hard to read. It’s important to have an opinion and to share it when asked.
Bragging
You are not auditioning on your date. The common practice on the first date is to tell the other person how wonderful you are. Unfortunately, what we think is great about ourselves isn’t always the most interesting and/or intriguing qualities to others. Let your date find out what they like about you on their own. It’s far more rewarding than spelling it out for them.
We all have aspects of our lives that we’re proud of and I’m sure you have numerous achievements to share but save that for date number two.
Create a connection with your date then share your accomplishments. The beauty of dating is that as you get to know each other better, all of the good facts eventually rise to the service. There are no good qualities that stay a mystery for long.
You don’t need to list your accomplishments for your date just to impress them. You are a wonderful person because of your heart and the way you love. No list of achievements trumps that.
I hope this was helpful.