We met on Tinder. Today, Tinder has become a well accepted form of meeting a romantic partner – even more so in the heart of a global pandemic. More and more couples are attributing their meeting to Tinder, and other popular dating apps. A far cry from the landscape for singles just a decade ago. Now, meeting online is as natural as watching reality tv, or jumping on a Zoom meeting.
So now that meeting on Tinder has become the new normal, more singles should learn the one thing that they have never been taught: How to actually get a date on Tinder. Whether you are meeting in person, or plan to connect virtually – a date is a date is a date. In order to get someone to agree to ‘go out’ with you (even if you don’t physically go anywhere) you have to know the right steps to take.
There is no doubt that most singles who use online dating apps are disappointed by the number of flakes they encounter. If you have been ghosted or ignored by a match then you are not alone. Most singles navigating dating apps are just like everyone else and doing so without any instruction or guideline. They have no idea how to properly behave and are equipped with the guise of their cell phone or laptop. For this reason, it is likely and often inevitable to encounter some people who will never respond. Or just simply ghost the conversation after a few exchanges. This can’t be helped and it shouldn’t get you down.
Remind yourself that you don’t know what state of mind someone is in while they are swiping left or right. Assume that some singles are just using dating apps for an ego boost, to waste time, or to escape a monotonous relationship. Not everyone on Tinder is single or emotionally available to date.
It’s best to keep your expectations of others to a minimum. What you want to do is follow a formula that will weed out the flakes and lead you to the people who are interested in truly making a connection.
If you want to have more fun on Tinder, and get dates that could lead to a relationship then you want to follow the steps below. Remember to repeat as necessary.
Match
It seems all too obvious that you need to make matches on Tinder in order to be successful but there is more to the algorithm than meets the eye. Making matches on Tinder isn’t just about finding people that you consider attractive, or are interested in going on a date with. Matching on Tinder is also about identifying the people who find you attractive and want to go on a date with you.
Your goal is to create numerous matches because the more matches you make, the more data you give to Tinder which tells the algorithm to prioritize your account. A high number of matches indicates that your profile is desirable which makes you more visible to potential partners. This means that if a new user logs in, or someone opens the app for the first time your account could be the first account that they see. It also means that your account will be shown multiple times even when someone may have swiped left on you previously.
Yes, this actually happens.
Most people think that if you swipe left on somebody they’re gone into the abyss forever but not true. Swiping left just means that within your session that person will no longer come up in your feed. If you were to start a new session a few days later you might find the same people you rejected showing up in your feed again. They have resurfaced because somehow Tinder has designated them a match for you.
So creating a lot of matches is for your benefit because you want to be labeled a ‘high priority profile’ in Tinder’s algorithm. The more matches you make the better indication that you are popular and people want to date you. It’s best to approach making matches by casting a wide net.
Open The Conversation
Some dating apps will prompt you to start the conversation with basic opening lines but throughout this process you have to be one step ahead of your match. This means that you must message first with an opening line that is appealing in order to set the tone of the interaction.
Your opening line doesn’t have to be a masterpiece but it must put you in control of conversation. This means it must indicate interest without being offensive. Your opening line should also be a statement.
Too often users open with a question and then they get a reply. Unfortunately, replying to questions is almost instinctual. Someone might reply but not really be that interested in continuing the conversation. Statements however are less likely to get a response if the person isn’t somewhat intrigued. Your opening statement gives you and your match an ‘out’ so no one feels obligated to the other.
Measure Interest
When creating an effective formula for online dating, you must put a time limit on your progress. If you are not serious about dating then you have all day and night to wait for a match to respond or show interest. If you want to take control of your love life then waiting for a reply whenever the other person feels like it is a waste of time. In order to measure interest you should have a 24 hour response period. Anyone who takes longer than 24 hours isn’t eligible for the next step.
You might find yourself thinking about the ‘what ifs’.
- What if they were busy.
- What if they didn’t see the message.
- What if they are not on the app that often.
- What if they were on vacation.
- All seem plausible but also consider the following:
- What if they have a partner
- What if they are a convicted felon
- What if they are ‘catfishing’ you
The game of ‘what if’ isn’t very helpful unless you explore every possible option to which there are endless. So many truths could be at play in dating but there is only one truth you need to worry about: Have they replied within 24 hours?
You are not meant to wait around until someone feels like messaging you. You don’t have to make contingencies for every possible scenario. Once you have set a goal you must adhere to one basic principle: anyone who is serious about dating you will be eager to respond to you.
Give Multiple Options
Once you have gauged their interest and are satisfied with the flow of the conversation, you want to take the conversation to the next level. The next step is to arrange a meeting of some sort. This could mean meeting in person or perhaps over video. Statistics show that very few matches actually ever progress past a few days of conversation. To be successful you must be forward and in control as well as understanding. By offering multiple options, you can rest assured that if they agree to the date that they are really into you. An example of a great option is a specific date, time, and activity.
You might consider something like:
- Would you be up for a video chat on Thursday around 6pm?
- Or a virtual happy hour on Friday at 5?
You want to include both options at once. You always want to proposition your offer as an ‘or’ statement. The reason for this is to avoid the dreaded ‘Sure’. Nothing is more basic and complacent than a simple ‘Sure’. There is no excitement and no real commitment. Giving two options eliminates the chances that you will get an ambivalent response.
Follow Through
Common practice of modern daters is to flake. It is so easy to bail on someone, or ghost. This type of rejection stings. You want to follow through with your date no matter how you are feeling. Sometimes people flake for the mere reason that they don’t want to be rejected themselves. If you are confident, you will follow through no matter how eager your date seems. The need for your date to seem overly enthusiastic is insecure. Singles are jaded. Even if someone likes you, they might be acting cautiously to prevent another disappointment.
You want to secure your date’s phone number from Tinder prior to your date. You don’t want to wait until you plan to chat or meet up before you realize that you don’t know their personal information. You want to make contact the day before. Send a brief message to your match to let them know that you are looking forward to talking or getting together. This is if you aren’t in daily or frequent communication with your match, which you should be. If for some reason you aren’t, make sure to check in the day before any scheduled date.
Once you have taken each step and secured your date the hard part is actually finding the right person. Getting to the date is just the beginning and it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It’s very easy.
It’s just a measure to start the real conversation and find out if you’re compatible. If you spend too much time stressing about getting the date then you’ll invest too much early on before you know if your match is even worth the investment.