So you want to be in a relationship?
Relationships tend to happen when you are in a state of transition. There is no better time to pursue a relationship than at the beginning of a month, a year, or a season. If you find yourself under new circumstances, whether it’s a new job or even a vacation, the chance of meeting someone who strikes your fancy is high.
You don’t have to be in a state of change to attract a relationship but it helps to be open to the idea of change. A new relationship will bring with it the challenge of stepping out of your comfort zone and into new territory. To be ready for such a transition it’s important to prepare yourself for the relationship that you’re asking for.
Getting into a relationship isn’t just about finding someone that you like, who likes you back. Chances are it hasn’t been that easy to find a partner which is why being single can seem so frustrating.
Who is really in control here? You? The other person? The Universe?
How do you just get yourself into a relationship after you have been trying to find love for a lifetime? The challenge of finding a relationship, or love in general, begins with adopting the right mindset. Too many singles approach dating like a lottery. Just one right date and you’ll hit the relationship jackpot.
Realistically you’ve probably found that there are more wrong matches out there than right matches.
In this case you have to remind yourself of the following; it’s okay to be wrong, the next relationship might not be your last relationship, you don’t have to wait to be chosen to have the relationship that you want. With these things in mind you can attract the relationship that you want, faster than you think. You can be in control of your own romantic destiny but it does take stepping a little into the unknown.
So how can you have the relationship that you want in the next month?
In many ways single people don’t know what they want. Sure a relationship would be nice, if you found the right person but have you made it a clear goal of yours? That might not sound romantic, but it doesn’t feel much different than if love were just to ‘happen’.
You have to be persistent in looking for the right person, this means actively pursuing people that you find interesting. If you’ve been single for some time then you know that no one is going to just hand you over commitment. At least no one that you might be over the moon about.
Don’t take this as a sign that you aren’t desirable. The trap is thinking that if you’re worthy someone will just want to be with you. In reality, everyone wants to be made to feel ‘special’ and ‘chosen’. Being the chooser comes with it a lot of responsibility but also a lot of reward.
The definition of persistence is firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.
Dating can be exhausting, rejection can be frustrating, you might wonder ‘Why does it have to be so hard’? But if you aren’t persistent, chances are you’re going to fall victim to someone who is and find yourself in a situation beyond your control. Being persistent means making it happen because you believe that you can.
You will have doubts, you will be unsure, but if being in a relationship is your goal then you have to pursue it with determination. That isn’t a bad thing, or a sign of desperation. It is a commitment to yourself that you are willing to go after what you deserve.
Being an active dater means giving others the chance to get to know you. Passivity will not get you the relationship that you want. In today’s dating market, you have to be proactive because ultimately it’s a numbers game.
It might take 3 dates before someone feels comfortable with you, it might take 2 phone calls before someone agrees to go on a date with you. Dating is a high touch activity meaning you have to constantly engage with the person of interest if you want to gain their trust, and build towards a relationship.
Dating actively can take on many forms. If you are consistently matching with a new person every day and creating meaningful conversations with them, not just waiting for them to hit you up, you can set up a number of phone calls or Facetime dates without having to leave your home. Someone who isn’t willing to get to know you before meeting in person, isn’t likely to give you the commitment that you’re asking for. Dating actively means filling your “romantic” pipeline with prospective dates on a regular basis.
Ask For It
If you want a committed relationship then you have to ask for it. Let the other person know where you stand and if they don’t want what you want, you can walk away. There is a false belief that when the right person comes along, a relationship will naturally manifest. Unfortunately, you’ve probably learned that chemistry and attraction does not a committed relationship make.
If you have started dating someone and have set the right parameters and boundaries, asking for the commitment should be the next logical step. If you don’t ask for what you want you won’t get it. If you’re afraid to ask for what you want then you’re with the wrong person. Pursuing a relationship means putting your desire for commitment over the person who gives it to you. Should you accept commitment from anyone, of course not. But you should avoid anyone who won’t give it to you.
Avoid Better Than Nothing Partners
A better than nothing partner is just that; someone who is better than no one. Unfortunately, these types of relationships weigh on your self-esteem and make it difficult to pursue what you really want. Avoid anyone that you feel you are settling for in the sole pursuit of commitment. This means someone who doesn’t meet your minimum requirements, even if they’re giving you attention.
A better than nothing partner makes you feel like your requests are invalid. They convince you that you’re asking for too much, while doing too little. They give you crumbs to keep you satisfied and they often take more from you than just your time. These types of partners take your security. If you want a committed relationship avoid anyone who fits the ‘better than nothing’ category.
Most people use affirmations incorrectly. It’s not a way to lie to yourself or to trick yourself into thinking something that you inherently don’t believe. To properly affirm the relationship that you want, you have to remind yourself that you deserve love, and that you are wanted.
It is not impossible what you’re asking for. The person that is right for you does exist. You have the power to pursue whoever you want. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. You can handle as many wrong people as it takes to get to the right person. You don’t have to hope that everyone you date will be ‘The One’, you get to judge for yourself.
Creating a relationship in a short amount of time, when you have been single for a long time, is a matter of choice.
- You have to actively find single people to date.
- You have to ask for the commitment that you want.
- You have to avoid anyone who won’t give it to you.
- You have to believe that you are worthy of what you want and that you CAN make it happen.
The false idea that love just finds you is woven into society. It’s no surprise that many singles convince themselves that a relationship is out of their control.
Understand that you can get into a committed relationship if you are willing to do the work necessary. If you are willing to push your ego aside and pursue the relationship that you want over the one society says you should have. If you are ready to find a committed relationship take the steps to get one. Your relationship destiny is completely in your hands.