As a dating coach I’m not romantic about dating. There are more than enough hormones in the body to override any practical advice I could offer so I wouldn’t be doing my readers any justice by being overly idealistic about what dating is and can be.
That being said, dating is the ultimate value exchange where unfortunately we don’t set the currency rates, our culture does. When it comes to your worth as a potential partner you aren’t judged on your merit but by your perceived value. For this reason it’s incredibly important to tell the story of who you are as accurately as possible.
Based on the following criteria, you can ensure that your time and affection is being estimated at market value. You will be judged by the highest possible standard once do your best at the following.
You Take Care Of Yourself
The first thing anyone will notice about you is how well you take care of yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself your date might make the assumption that you won’t take care of them. They could deduce that personal care isn’t important to you by how you look or that it’s an area you don’t have in common. Your hair, physical health, clothing, accessories and posture all tell a story about who you are and what you care about. Unless you’ve made a conscious effort to define the narrative you could be sending a message about how much you care about yourself.
Take care of yourself to the best of your ability and don’t cut corners even when it feels comfortable.
You’re Smart
Some people have IQ and others have EQ but the most attractive people have a both. Being smart is intelligence, awareness, empathy and curiosity all rolled into one. Smart people are attractive to us on our most primal level because intelligence progresses the species. Whether you have book smarts or emotional intelligence your passion for learning is what translates to your potential dates.
Some people will teach you about the world and others will teach you about yourself. The gain of any knowledge makes you incredibly clever.
It’s this kind of education that is worth a high price to potential dates. Be open to ideas and have a healthy curiosity for learning.
Your Have A Good Attitude
I firmly believe that words have power. Our language is the paintbrush we use to create our experience. If you’re not mindful of the things you say it can turnoff the people around. You might be so committed to your bad habit of negativity that you don’t even notice that you’re negative.
If you want to know how positive your attitude think about how you feel. Are you constantly anxious, angry, impatient and resentful? Are you joyful, enthusiastic, creative and content? When you pay close attention to your attitude do you find yourself complaining a lot or talking about others? These are the most common negative actions that negative people engage in mindlessly.
Negativity can affect your mood. It can make you tired, achy, irritable and self-absorbed. Most negative people don’t realize how self-obsessed they can be. Positive energy does the opposite. A positive attitude makes others feel good and attracts the right people and opportunities. The reason being optimistic is so important is because we all get down and it’s refreshing to know that you have a partner with the ability to lift you up.
We all want to feel good around the person we’re dating. Have an excitement and enthusiasm for life that will makes others enjoy every moment being with you.
You Have Ambition
The future is where most relationships are made. Your goals translate into potential gains in the dating world because what you want could make dreams come true for someone else. Where you see yourself in the future and what you’re working for now has to align with what potential dates are also after.
High ambition might not be conducive for a relationship but its still incredibly sexy. What we are working towards in our future is an important factor in whether others will find us attractive.
Where do you see yourself in five years? What objectives are you working towards professionally and personally? What drives you? Ambition isn’t about trying to be the biggest, best and most important person in your field.
Find a purpose and huge dream that that you’re relentlessly chasing and works towards it.
You’re Personally Fulfilled
Although ambition is incredibly attractive you must have a level of satisfaction with where you are today. If you are too complacent then you come across as having no goals. If you are too anxious to “get to the next level” then you come across as negative or dissatisfied with life.
Finding the perfect balance between feeling content but not satisfied is very difficult and can cause many singles to be too concerned with what’s next instead of what’s now.
In order to invite another person into your life, you must have one. You must have a life worth sharing. Feeling fulfilled means having everything that you need. If you’re unhappy with who you are and the state of your current position in life then why would anyone want to join you in your misery? Fulfilled people have more to give and more to share than others because in their mind they have enough and that’s incredibly appealing.
Find a way to enjoy everything you have even when you want more.
You Are Decisive
There are two types of people in the dating world: those who like to be seduced and the seducers. Most people know what kind of person they are. You can easily determine by your behavior if you’re quick to take the reigns and establish control or if you prefer your partner make the moves and guide the relationship.
When you know what you want any level of decisiveness is good even if all you have to say is yes. Decisive seducers go after what they want and the decisive seduced ask for it. The least attractive thing is someone who doesn’t know how to have a preference. It’s one thing to answer the questions you’re used to but making quick decisions about everything else makes you seem self-aware. You know what you like and what you want.
Be someone who has definitive tastes and preferences; someone who can make a quick decision.
You’re Not Desperate
Desperation is a need for acceptance, companionship and security. If your life is empty without a partner it’s likely you’re already desperate. Chances are you’re lonely as hell. Looking for love shouldn’t be a mission to fill a void. It should be an expression of the love that you already have inside.
Try to find these relationships in any other part of your life so can date confidently.
You should be so filled with love that you can’t wait to share it not so depleted that you can’t wait to get it. A partner should be someone you want not someone you need. It’s important to derive fulfillment from the life you’re already living so that your partner doesn’t feel responsible for your happiness.
What others see in us will determine how much they value us. It will determine how much attention they show us and how much time they spend with us. These qualities are attractive, and assuming we can master them, we will have the leverage we need to date anyone.