Dating is difficult, no matter how much you think you know.
The biggest challenge is knowing if the relationship is heading anywhere or if you’re wasting your time. It’s The Dating Truth belief that ALL dating is a waste of time if you want a relationship. It is very difficult to date without intention and end up in a relationship.
No matter how much you know about dating, relationships, or yourself, you can still end up in the wrong relationship. The wrong relationship is one in which your goals and the goals of your partner are misaligned.
Maybe the relationship isn’t wrong, but it ends, causing you to wonder, ‘Have I wasted my time’?
If the experience helps you to grow as a person then it can hardly be called a waste of time. That doesn’t mean that your time wasn’t wasted.
Every experience can teach you something about yourself. And hopefully every experience guides you closer to answering two important questions about love;
- How do you find the one?
- How do you know when you find them?
Dating isn’t necessarily the best way to find a permanent partner but it can get you closer to understanding what you want out of marriage, if that’s your goal.
The people you should avoid are those who pretend to want what you want but ultimately just end up wasting your time. There are people that you should avoid. Especially those who never intend on having a relationship with you in the first place
These are folks whose sole intention is to make you think that they want what you want but are ultimately NEVER going to give you a long-term commitment.
These predators don’t give you enough information to make a decision on whether to date them or not such as being ambiguous about what they say they want. Alternatively, they make you think that they want what you want and lead you on for so long until it becomes more and more difficult to walk away.
These particular types of people are called time-wasters.
So What Is A Time-Waster?
People who are willing or intentionally waste your time are those that pretend you will eventually get what you want out of the relationship when they have zero intention of giving it to you.
- They are the most detrimental element to anyone that wants commitment.
- They are the enemies of those that want to be happy but happen to be single.
Time-wasters are an obstruction to your happiness and relationship goals.
The worst thing you can do, when you’re single, is let someone else waste your time. Especially someone who has already come to the conclusion of what the courtship will be but decides not to let you in on the secret.
They Are A Gamble
A time waster doesn’t have the same goals as you do when it comes to dating. They are typically attractive people with great dating resumes, unfortunately you never get a return on your investment.
They take your time, your energy, your affection, and your desire for attention and give little in return except the hope that you could possibly get more. Does it sound like a casino game? It should. Dating a time waster is like gambling with your heart, so much time and energy invested for nothing.
So how can you tell if you are involved with a timewaster?
Very few singles realize they are dating a time waster until it’s too late. There is an uneasy feeling that the relationship isn’t “going anywhere” that is generally ignored. It is hard to be in a dead end relationship, even an exciting one, and not realize that it’s leading nowhere.
The best defense against time wasters is to avoid them. The moment you realize that you have nothing more to gain from the relationship, leave.
Outside of being downright miserable, here are a few additional signs your time is being wasted.
The Relationship Doesn’t Progress
You’re in no better a place today than you were when you started the courtship.
Take a moment to take inventory of your life? Have you achieved anything of significance since the start of dating your partner?
Are you better today, is the relationship better, is anything better?
If you are dating someone that is wasting your time, it’ll be difficult to concentrate on other parts of your life. Between talking on the phone, going on dates, worrying about if they love you, or like you, your mind will be so occupied with the relationship it will be hard to focus on you.
The Relationship Is Superficial
Dating someone that is wasting your time is a lot like Groundhog’s Day. It can feel like the same story over and over except you never get to the good parts. Timewasters mean you absolutely no good and we keep you running in emotional circles by never getting too deep.
Not to say that they are bad people but they are certainly selfish people. They tend to share only about themselves and can leave you feeling that you are not important. They can monopolize the relationship so that you know everything about them but they know little about you.
You are dating a time waster if the relationship feels superficial and at times monotonous.
If someone is wasting your time, they will never let the relationship be vulnerable, or meaningful. They will engage in fluffy behavior and might even start a fight if things get too deep.
The Relationship Is One-Sided
It should be a no-brainer but you’d be surprised how many singles chase after people who clearly don’t want them. Part of it is the challenge, the other part is likely due to a childhood trauma. Humans like what is familiar.
There is an African American saying, “I can do bad all by myself,” which simply means – what do you need them for, if you’re going to feel bad anyway? Someone that is wasting your time is not concerned with how you feel. The relationship is likely one-sided and at times be demanding.
The relationship will feel like you’re the only one invested in its progress because you are. You might also get the feeling that they are dating other people, or treating you as a back up.
Dating someone who wastes your time should raise a red flag for you. It typically doesn’t feel good. You don’t have to ask where the relationship is going to solidify a commitment. There are usually both red and green flags in dating.
If you are unhappy however, that could be a sign that you are wasting your time. Or your time is being wasted.