So, someone has their eyes on your crush—or maybe even your partner.
Typically, this wouldn’t bother you, but they are really attractive. In your eyes, the competition is gorgeous, and you, well… just okay.
What do you do when the dating pool seems to be teeming with beautiful people, and you feel like you aren’t one of them?
Television and movies often make us believe that the beautiful guy and girl are made for each other. That the only way to get the person you want is to be physically more attractive than the competition. This simply isn’t true. Attraction has nothing to do with looks.
Of course, being beautiful in the traditional sense might expand your options, but the only way to be competitive in dating is to master two things:
Discernment and confidence.
The Power of Being Picky
It isn’t mentioned often enough, but being picky is one of the most attractive qualities anyone can have. Being selective is something that attractive people seem to do naturally. If you are desired by most people, it’s easy to be picky because you don’t feel forced to settle. But discernment isn’t about arrogance or being unreasonably choosy; it’s about valuing yourself enough to recognize what you truly want and deserve.
When you practice discernment, you send a message to others that you have standards and that your time and energy are valuable. This isn’t about being rude or dismissive; it’s about prioritizing your well-being and happiness.
For instance, instead of going on a date with someone just because they showed interest, you might take the time to evaluate if they align with your values and lifestyle. This careful consideration shows self-respect and maturity, which are incredibly attractive traits.
Moreover, discernment helps you avoid wasting time in relationships that won’t fulfill you. By being selective, you narrow down your options to those who genuinely complement you. It leads to deeper, more meaningful connections because you’re not just settling for anyone who shows you attention. Instead, you’re looking for someone who adds value to your life, just as you add value to theirs.
Why Confidence Matters
The next key is to be confident. Confidence in dating doesn’t mean putting on a façade or trying to convince yourself and others that you are perfect. True confidence is more about self-awareness and self-acceptance. It’s about knowing who you are, what you bring to the table, and being okay with your flaws and imperfections. It means understanding your worth and not being afraid to show it.
Confident people have a unique charm. They don’t need constant validation from others because they validate themselves.
This self-assuredness creates a magnetic pull, drawing people toward them. Confidence can transform how you carry yourself, how you speak, and even how you respond to challenges. It shows up in your body language, your smile, and your eye contact. These non-verbal cues often speak louder than words, making a lasting impression on others.
Building Confidence
- Focus on Self-Care: Taking care of your body and mind is fundamental to building confidence. This doesn’t mean you need to fit a certain beauty standard, but rather that you should feel good about yourself. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can significantly impact how you feel. Mental self-care, like meditation, journaling, or talking to a friend, can also help you manage stress and stay grounded.
- Practice Positive Self-Talk: Your internal dialogue matters. If you constantly criticize yourself, it will show in your demeanor. Instead, practice self-compassion and encourage yourself as you would a friend. Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that highlight your strengths and potential. Over time, this shift in mindset can improve your self-esteem and overall confidence.
- Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Confidence grows when you challenge yourself. Try new things, whether it’s a hobby, public speaking, or approaching someone you’re interested in. These experiences, even if they don’t go perfectly, build resilience and show you that you are capable of more than you initially thought.
Inner Qualities Over Physical Appearance
The reality is, physical beauty fades, but the qualities of discernment and confidence can grow stronger with time. They are the foundations of a lasting connection because they reflect who you are beyond the surface. When you practice discernment, you filter out incompatible matches, leaving space for someone who genuinely appreciates you.
Confidence, on the other hand, attracts people to the real you—not a version you think you need to present.
In a world obsessed with appearances, remember that genuine attraction is about more than looks. It’s about energy, attitude, and authenticity. It’s about how you make others feel and how you feel about yourself.
By mastering discernment and confidence, you not only enhance your appeal but also pave the way for deeper, more meaningful relationships. So, next time you find yourself comparing your looks to someone else’s, remind yourself that real attraction comes from within.
You have the power to choose who you allow into your life and how you present yourself to the world. Embrace it, and watch your dating life transform