The alpha female is a force to be reckoned with. It’s not a bad or negative trait to be independent as a woman and the mere suggestion is absurd. What has happened in our society is a subtle war between men and the alpha female. One that in my opinion leaves women on the defensive.
Wanting to please your man or make the man that you’re dating happy doesn’t make you any less of an alpha female.
It doesn’t make you any less independent. The idea that a woman should want to please her man is a need to maintain a healthy and peaceful relationship. I applaud that. Where I think the trouble lies is setting a boundary between pleasing and being a doormat.
When you start dating a man, or in the early stages of a relationship the one thing that can set you apart is making him feel like a man. Being the kind of woman that a man feels good around isn’t a betrayal to your strength, or power as a woman. It also doesn’t mean taking a backseat in the relationship and being a pushover. The reality is this: when you like a man, you want him to feel good. Just don’t be too committed to the role the man should play, instead of creating a role for yourself.
Help Him To Feel Good About Himself
Many women don’t like the idea of helping a man feel good about himself. Not because they aren’t supporters but because it’s uncomfortable to admit that we might be dating someone who is insecure, or has low self-esteem. The idea that men are all strong, super heros with rock solid self worth is no longer applicable. Men face the same insecurities as women. A man wants to feel like your protector, and a provider.
He also wants to feel intelligent, valuable, and desired. You might be wondering well of course I want him to feel that way, but there are some behaviors that chip away at these attributes that women don’t always pay attention to. These are tiny behaviors that most women display that take those feelings away. They just don’t make a man feel very good.These behaviors can include but are not limited to…
Being too demanding
Arguing
Nagging
Competing
Bragging
Telling him what to do
If you know anything about human nature it should resonate that no one feels good about what’s listed above.
If you had a parent, or friend who displayed similar traits you might quickly lose interest in a close relationship with that person. If you want to make your man feel like a man, don’t take it as an insult if these behaviors don’t come naturally to you. These behaviors are mostly learned attitudes that become bad habits.
A small shift in your belief system can alter how you interact and engage with men. This shift however could make all the difference with how they interact with you.
Embrace Your Feminine Side
Feminine is not a female word. It’s not a negative term. And all human being possess feminine and masculine traits. Being a feminine shouldn’t be associated with being weak. I like to explain femininity simply as an appreciation for beauty. When you choose to embrace your feminine energies it doesn’t mean that you play dumb, dependent or insecure as typically assumed. Being feminine could mean tapping into a quiet strength. Being a silent supporter. Being so confident that you let your man take the lead, trusting in his ability to do so.
Just because you are soft and gentle with a baby doesn’t mean that you aren’t in charge. I encourage you to wield your power differently.
Men are wildly attracted to women who are feminine. Unfortunately, over time, society has placed negative connotations on being “like a girl” but it isn’t a bad thing. What women should accept is there’s a lot of strength in being a woman (our bodies are made to withstand the pain of childbirth).
The ability to bring life into the world isn’t a gift that should be taken lightly. You have that power, you are powerful so you don’t need to prove it to anyone.
Define Your Role As a Woman
What does the role of a woman mean to you? Over the years society has confused the definitions. Get clear on how you want to represent yourself in your relationship and be unapologetic about it. Don’t try to be what someone tells you that you should. Define for yourself what type of woman, and partner that you want to be and live your truth.
When a man wants to do something nice for you, let him! The worst thing you can do is prevent a man from doing what he knows how to do, or act offended if he does. When you define the type of woman that you want to be, you make it impossible for him to confuse you with his mother, his sister or his friend.
Let Him Define His Role As a Man
When I’m home alone, I kill spiders. When I get a flat tire, I put on a spare. When my bills come do, I pay them. If you are taking care of yourself as an adult should then you have every right to feel good about yourself. However, if you’re with a man who wants to kill your spiders, change your flat tires, or pay a bill – let him.
It’s really comfortable to say that you don’t need your partner to take on responsibilities for you but it also sends a message that you don’t need them.
Of course you don’t need him, that’s what he’s afraid of! Allowing a man to feel like a man isn’t about downplaying one’s capabilities, or putting on a damsel in distress act. It’s about letting your man express who he is without finding flaws or creating unnecessary challenges. It might not be the behavior you’re used to and you might find it somewhat silly that opening doors, being of service and killing spiders are so important to him but it is.
If a man wants to exert his bravado and buy you a drink, don’t assume it’s an insult. You don’t have to send him a bottle in return to be on his level. All he really wants, is to get your attention. He’s not trying to make you feel like you can’t afford your own beverage.
The point is, most men are looking for a partner. Not themselves, or their mothers. The best thing you can do to make a man feel like a man, is to let him be who he is without limitations. Let him do what he believes a man should and appreciate him for his efforts. Of course he knows you can do for yourself, how else would you have survived on earth or at least gotten to the date?
Being a good partner also takes being grateful and gracious, that’s simply having good manners. Set your own standards and live by them. This will empower your partner to do the same.