It doesn’t feel good when you’re being blown off.
This happens to almost everyone in dating. Why? Most adults avoid confrontation when they can. We don’t want to be seen as a bad person so instead of being proactive and upfront about our feelings, we choose to ignore the problem.
How many times do you find yourself ignoring a problem and hoping that it will go away? Not to say that you are the problem in the relationship but the other person doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. That is the problem. They don’t have a romantic interest in you. That is the problem. They are seeing someone else and they don’t know how to tell you, that is the problem.
So when you are being blown off there is more going on than what meets the eye.
To further explain the point, let’s be clear on what it means to be “blown off” to put it simply, you expected to hear from this person. There are a few scenarios where this might be the case. You had plans and the other person ghosts, or disappears.
There was a plan in place to see each other. You were both clear on the day, and possibly the time but the other person didn’t honor their commitment. You expected to hear from them as a reply to your text. You reached out to them via text or phone call and got no response back.
The last but common scenario is they said they would message you at a certain date or time, and you haven’t heard from them. Worse, you see that they are active on social media, so they are definitely not too busy. It’s likely that they are blowing you off.
So it’s confirmed that you have officially been blown off, so what do you do about it.
LET IT GO AND MOVE ON
Initially our ego might want to wallow in this situation. We want to prove that we are worthy of the other person’s attention and we want to prove that they are wrong about us. This is an unproductive way to go about the situation. The fact is, we are going to meet more potential dates than we are equipped to declined. Your job isn’t to make everyone like you, your job is to find the right person for you.
Those who self-eliminate are doing you a favor. You don’t have to perform a song and dance to prove your worth. They have rejected you by default which gives you the opportunity to move on to someone else, instead of being in limbo wondering if they really like you or not.
Moving on is not giving up, it just means that you are closer to finding the right person because you have eliminated the wrong person. No need to stick around where you are clearly not valued. Consider this a sign from the universe that they aren’t the one for you, and don’t hold on to the circumstances wondering what you did wrong or right.
CHOOSE A NEW STORY
When we face rejection, we often tell ourselves a story. One that isn’t very productive. If you are blown off choose a good feeling story that can help you move on quickly with a healthy self -esteem. It might be hard to imagine feeling confident after a rejection. You thought this person liked you and you were wrong.
Did you miss the signs, did you do something to change their mind? These types of questions only support the idea that we are not good enough, and that the other person didn’t choose us.
That is a story that doesn’t serve you. Everyone has to make the best decision for them. The person that didn’t call you back, or who ghosted you, made a decision not based on who you are but based on who they are.
They are not focused on your best or worst qualities, they are pursuing what will meet their needs. You need to do the same.
You are only looking for one person, so essentially you only need to be right once. We think that everyone that we date should be a match but if they were, how would you ever find the right person for you? Or if everyone that you dated wanted you, why would you ever settle down with one person?
Understand that you are a valuable person, and you’re looking for a partner. You are not just interested in being someone’s choice if they are not a match for you. While it might feel like the other person made the choice, you can also make a choice. The story that you tell yourself should be self-affirming. And if you really think about it, you should feel grateful.
You don’t want to be with the wrong person longer than necessary. Thank those who speed up the elimination process.
TRY AGAIN
Don’t get defeated by someone else’s choices. The volume of potential dates that are accessible to you are overwhelming for most. We find ourselves in analysis paralysis, inundated with too much choice. That can make us feel bad.
When you are looking for love, real love and not just an ego boost, you shouldn’t stop or settle until you find it. Most single people end up single by staying with the wrong person for too long. They don’t allow themselves to keep going on the path. They get distracted by a situation that feeds their ego and they settle.
You have to keep trying when it comes to dating. Not because you failed but because you can’t make everyone you meet the destination. They are lessons along the way, and opportunities to have fun, and maybe get clarity on what you want but you can’t let that distract you from your true goal which is to find partnership. A great relationship is ruined by a good one.
So when you are facing a slight rejection, take it as a blessing in disguise, reaffirm a new story, and don’t feel discouraged, try again.