Attraction can be learned.
One fear single people have is of trying too hard. Most people applaud effort but when it comes to how people perceive them it’s natural to tell yourself that you either have it or you don’t. What does it mean to be irresistible? What does it mean to be attractive? What do you want others to see in you that you can actually control?
When it comes to being ‘attractive’ you can control some aspects of what makes you appealing that you might currently be taking for granted or leaving to chance. There is a dichotomy in dating that few singles recognize. While there is someone for everyone, the dating marketplace also feels very competitive. This is how to stand out and become someone that others are drawn to.
Set The Intention
Who do you want to be when you walk into a room? Most people don’t take the time to define themselves when entering the dating market. They feel a certain way then let their feelings dictate their actions. Studies have found that your actions will actually dictate your feelings. By becoming someone who is deliberate in what they do and say, you will appear more confident and in control of yourself. Being intentional makes you more attractive because it allows you to take the focus off of yourself and place it on other people.
If you walk into the room knowing that you want to connect with at least 3 people, you won’t waste time sitting in the corner looking bored. If you walk into a room with the intention of giving as many compliments as you can, then you won’t run out of things to say.
Setting an intention of who you want to be ‘seen’ as when you enter the room, allows others to agree with you. People will automatically adopt the belief that you have about yourself.
Listen Actively
There is no substitute for active listening. The more someone tells you, the more that they will like you. When you are in a conversation with someone, there are three listening techniques that people find the most attractive. First, ask questions to get them to speak more.
Asking great questions shows that you are paying attention to what someone is saying to you. It shows that you are also interested in what they have to say. Next, make a thoughtful comment acknowledging what they have told you. This could be adding in a phrase such as, “Wow, that’s really interesting,” or “What a really cool perspective.”
Part of active listening is giving the right response at the right time. Lastly, compliment what they have shared. It’s one thing to show that you are interested through thoughtful questions and statements of confirmation, the next step is to affirm what they have shared with you. Make a statement with the word, “you”, such as “You sound like you really know your stuff.” You statements keep others engaged in the conversation and makes people feel good. Being a good listener makes you more attractive because you shine the light on others.
Compliment Well
Nothing makes you more attractive to someone else than the ability to give great compliments. Compliments are a gift, that when given correctly make others feel special, and recognized. Although they get a bad reputation, a good compliment shows that you have authority, and that you know what you are talking about. What makes a good compliment? Recognizing a characteristic that others are proud of, or feel responsible for.
If you are born beautiful then a mention of your looks is uncomfortable because you can’t take credit for that. If you take not of what they are wearing and compliment how professional, or stylish it looks, that is something they can own up to. Compliments work best when they highlight something that the person can attribute to a personal choice or decision. Being smart is one thing but recognizing that someone is well read highlights a personal decision.
What you say to someone about themselves matters. It’s often something that doesn’t come naturally to others so many people are unaware when they are actually giving good compliments or not. But compliments are the easiest way to appear attractive because giving a thoughtful compliment takes practice.
Touch Slightly
Most singles are intimidated by that thought of physical contact. When you are introduced to someone it is customary to shake their hand, or at times give them a hug. When we are surrounded in a room full of strangers touch can be the last thing you think about but if you want to seem attractive it is important.
A touch during a conversation has to be subtle yet intentional. The easiest way to connect with someone that you might not know well is to touch their arm or elbow, as a way of getting their attention. You can do this as a way to alert them to something. This motion, slightly touching a person’s arm or elbow, can be done for a few reasons.
You are ending the conversation.
Slightly touch their elbow to let them know that you are leaving, and want to shake their hand. While this is subtle this is all the connection that you need to stand out.
Take a request
You can slightly touch their elbow to ask them if they would like a drink, or a seat. Maybe they would like to check their coat into the coat check. A touch to alert them that you are taking requests is appropriate.
Eye Contact
Positive eye contact is a great way to signify confidence but it is often mentioned but rarely taught. The secret is to smile slightly when making eye contact. Next, you want to look around the eyes, not directly in the other person’s eyes for any prolonged period of time. Lastly, you want to look away for a moment and then back at the person that you are speaking with.
This might seem complicated but it all happens in a matter of seconds. The key is to pay attention to the pattern and try to match it with the person that you are speaking with. It’s awkward to try to look into someone’s eyes when they are looking away. You also don’t want to spend too much time looking at the elsewhere and not connecting. The best way to nail down great eye contact is to practice in a mirror. Hold your own stare for as long as you can. Notice if your eyes crease or your mouth wrinkles. Get a good sense of what someone else is looking at when they are looking at you.
Attraction is a skill that can be taught but it comes with practice. When people feel noticed by you and comfortable with you, they are more likely to find you attractive.