Do you hate dating? Do you at least tell yourself that you hate it? C’mon, tell me the truth. I don’t believe that anyone actually hates dating. By definition, connecting with new people is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. Unfortunately many singles don’t know how to connect so they end up being defensive, scared and insecure.
They feel the pressure of living up to someone else’s expectation while deciding if their date lives up to theirs. It’s a tough gig.
But why do we put ourselves through such torture? Because we want every person we have an ounce of chemistry with to be the “One”. I don’t know you but I can only imagine that when it comes to dating you want to be done. You want your last first kiss, your last first time, you want to get engaged and be done with having to ask permission to take someone out on the town.
I get it.
Many people might say, they want to get married and find the right person but deep down inside they just want the search to be over. They want to stop trying to find the “One” and they want to stop having to impress people they really don’t care that much about. The truth is, we all have a fear of the unknown. We might meet potential dates but we’re still afraid of being wrong, getting hurt and much worse facing rejection. What if the person that we want doesn’t want us? The shame, the horror!
Because of these common fears we stop ourselves from being open, giving of ourselves and connecting with the very people we are so eager to please. Why is that because not trying is so much more comforting than trying and failing?
Somewhere along the line, we tried and we failed. We were hurt and vowed never to put ourselves in that situation again. So here are a few situations where fear seems to take hold of many singles.
1. You see an attractive person, you would like to talk to them but you don’t know what to say. You make eye contact but you don’t approach them and they don’t approach you.
2. You make contact with a good-looking stranger, you exchange a few words and they’re about to walk away but you want to say more but you’re too nervous.
3. You meet a good-looking stranger, you start talking and you find you’re attracted to them, you want to go out with them. You want to exchange contact info but you don’t want to seem too desperate and you’re not sure that they’re interested in you.
These situations are common. Most singles have encounters with potential dates all the time and they miss opportunities for two reasons; they’re unaware or they’re afraid. I could ask you what’s the worse that could happen when you attempt to connect with a stranger but you already know rejection, embarrassment and that disgusting feeling of hopeless. Logically it’s ridiculous to think that just because this person isn’t down for you no one will be but we think it anyway.
I want you to abandon these negative thoughts and irrational fears by having your very own AHA moment. Attitude, Habit and Action
Attitude –
There is no way to avoid the reality. Attitude is everything! If you don’t think positively you can’t convince someone else to think positively about you. Your level of influence starts with what you think about yourself. You know as well as I do that you don’t need to be an expert in body language to differentiate someone with confidence from someone without.
You have to sell yourself as the sh*t, plain and simple.
Habit –
Make talking to strangers a habit. Make smiling at people a habit. Make saying hello, holding doors and being kind a habit. Make interaction a habit. What is the difference between talking to a potential date or your cashier at Walgreens? Why are you afraid of one person’s judgment versus another? Who the hell are they.
Make it a habit not to get caught up in what anyone else thinks about you.
Action –
The only way to build confidence is to do what you are afraid to do but successfully. What exactly are you afraid to do? Talk to strangers, seem interested, and ask for a number or even more a date? The only way you can start to see success in your approach of potential dates is to get a firm understanding of what you’re doing wrong in the first place. Keep practicing and keep working at it! You will only know by doing.
Doing nothing is not an option.
We would all like to know that what we do will work and that who we talk to, will be interested in us but there is no way to know. You can only learn by doing. Go out and do it and let me know how it goes.