Everyone you meet or find attractive isn’t always a potential date.
There are lots of eligible singles in the world and it would be great if we date all of them but we can’t. Many people we think are amazing catches and ‘just right’ for us don’t have what we’re looking for at all. Unfortunately, too many singles wait until they’re actually on the date to find this out.
You don’t have to date everyone to know who isn’t compatible with you.
Just because you aren’t a match with someone doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, with either of you. There are billions of people in the world if we could be dating anyone, no one would ever settle down. The truth is some people will be better fits than others. Ruling out potential dates doesn’t mean you’re too picky. Ruling out potential dates doesn’t mean you won’t find anyone else. You can’t look at the qualification process as missing out on opportunities.
If you fail to qualify your dates you’re wasting precious time with the wrong people. You should be dating with a goal or purpose. If it’s to have a good time and meet new people your qualification process can be lax but if you really, truly, and deeply want to find a relationship then you better sharpen your skills of discernment.
Whether you’re trying to get a date or just get laid you must never lose sight of why you’re talking to strangers in the first place. Single men and women can ill –afford to waste time barking up the wrong trees. There’s important information to be gathered in every conversation.
So what should you be asking potential dates? First consider what’s important to you, when I meet a single man there are three concerns I get out of the way.
His sign, how many children he has and what he does for a living
Now this isn’t the kind of information that is going to deter me from continuing the conversation especially if he is attractive but it is going to change my line of questioning.
Some singles ask the right questions but just don’t know how to process the answers. Men and women communicate on totally different levels. While women rely heavily on hinting men often ask more personal questions.
So what should the most important elements of your conversation be?
Why are you talking to this person?
Either they’re attractive; they look interesting, etc, etc. There can be numerous reasons to spark a conversation but it should never be because you are just bored, lonely or not having a good time. If you waste time talking to a person you aren’t interested in the person that you are interested maybe passing you by. Especially if you are in a public place be it a grocery store or a club. Do not waste your time if you can’t attribute a positive reason for politicking with a stranger.
What do you want from this person?
Having an agenda is not a sin or a crime. If you don’t want anything then keep it moving because you won’t get anything either. A goal simply keeps you focused. It can just be for company, a dinner date or free drinks. In dating there is no right or wrong reason why you should talk to someone but you should have a purpose. Even if it’s just to practice talking to strangers for those singles back on the market. Whatever the reason have one.
What are your deal breakers?
I can’t date a man who smokes. I can’t date a fire sign. I ask these two questions immediately before I even know a man’s name. I refuse, refuse, refuse! So often singles go out with someone without proper screening. You must know if this person has any deal breakers before you waste your time. If you need a preface just say, “Not to seem rude but I think you’re really interesting do you…” then ask your deal breaker question.
They will likely respond, why did you ask and you can say, “I’d like to go out with you but I can’t date anyone who …”
There are no such things as bad dates only bad daters. If you don’t qualify potential dates before you actually agree to go out with them, you won’t be successful in dating.
Thoughts?