It’s not as simple as all men want sex and all women want a husband.
If it were then agendas would no longer need to exist. We could get what we wanted by simply pursuing those who accepted our interests. But this isn’t the case. Singles have agendas. Some of us want something serious while others (mostly men) want to ‘see what happens’.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I don’t want to date. I’ve done my share of that and while I can tell when men want to date me, I have to “act” like I don’t know it or realize it. Whether their agenda is to have a relationship or to date casually, I know mine is to just kick it when I feel like it, nothing more. Do I share this agenda? Do they? Of course we don’t, because most singles are afraid to. No one wants to be the bad guy or over aggressive.
So when we meet potential dates it’s almost always assumed that someone wants something, but they just aren’t willing to ask for it. So how do you figure the other person out? Ok, brace yourself for this pretty generic answer; you don’t.
Clutch the pearls!
I’m a firm believer of going with the flow. I don’t tell men that I’m not looking to date because I like to be treated and I like the compliments. Men don’t tell women they just want sex because they don’t want to ruin their chances of having it. The truth can be a day-ruiner.
This is why we hide it. But if you’re on the side of the fence the truth is being hidden from, you have the right to know what the other person’s agenda is, in regards to you.
You have to ask if you want to know. It’s incredibly uncomfortable and hard but it’s the only way to know what someone wants. Be prepared for someone to lie. So try a few tactics that can cajole the truth out of even the most elusive potential dates.
Have a strong offense
Make statements that you want to be true and watch your potential date fall in line or fall away.
“I’m glad we’re friends, it’s nice to hang out with someone not eager for a relationship.”
“I’m glad you’re not ready to date either, it’s so hard to just enjoy someone’s company these days.”
Be straightforward
“I could see myself dating you seriously, what do you think?”
“I know that I’m looking for something serious, down the road. What are you looking for?”
Expressing how we feel isn’t easy, and it can sometimes lead us to more secrets than to the truth. No one wants to lose a potential date before they know what they really want. If you must ask, or have the guts to, be slick!
You’re dealing with someone who might have an agenda, so treat them that way.
Thoughts?