Is what happened in your past keeping you from dating in the present?
Letting go of the past and what changed us when we thought we knew who we were, is one of the most difficult processes I’ve ever experienced.
There’s no surprise that many singles hold on to what they went through in their past relationships. Letting go is hard. Getting away from our pasts isn’t exactly simple when it comes to dating.
Every date you go on, with each new person you meet, means rehashing feelings of what’s happened before in you’re dating life. You begin to share the stories of your ex’s; you watch for behaviors from your past and continually dwell on what happened in the past that you don’t want to happen again.
Unfortunately, it’s not just our romantic relationships that haunt us from past to present. All relationships that had any importance to us, be it with a parent, sibling, relative or mentor, play a role in how we date.
If you don’t get a grip on what parts of your pasts are negatively affecting your current love life, you will never have the love that you want in the present or future.
Our past can influence our dating habits in various ways but what I think can be the most challenging is figuring out who you are after what happened has happened.
A divorce, a break up or getting crushed by a crush can rock our world.
- After what has happened has happened:
- Are you someone who is afraid of meeting new people?
- Are you someone who feels unattractive or less attractive than others?
- Are you less trusting of others and their intentions?
- Keep asking yourself questions and answer honestly?
Dating is all about sharing who we are with someone else. How can you date successfully if you’re afraid to get to know you and be yourself around others?
The past has already happened. Whatever you did in your past, own it. Don’t judge yourself for it. If it was a mistake, admit to it but what has happened has already happened. There’s no going back.
When you know who you are you stand up for yourself. Don’t call yourself names, or put yourself down or allow potential dates to cross your boundaries! You’re not perfect. Although most people know that they still try desperately not to let the secret out. Your past might be a source of shame. Maybe you dated people that you’re embarrassed to admit to future dates.
Maybe you hurt others, or maybe you were hurt in your past but it’s not for anyone else to judge you for. It’s your story to tell because you were there.
The only person who can define who you are today because of your past is you. Take the time to really investigate how your past is still affecting you and decide that it won’t any more.
Give yourself permission to heal.