“I haven’t heard from them, maybe I should call (her)/him?”
I hear this phrase often from single men and women; smart, professionals who typically wouldn’t have a desperate bone in their body. Deciding whether to call someone can be a stressful decision.
- You don’t want to look anxious.
- You don’t want to get your feelings hurt.
- If he or she doesn’t answer the phone then you have to decide if you should leave a message or call again? (And then leave a message.)
Deciding whether or not to call a date that you haven’t heard from is a complicated subject because we are conditioned to believe that if someone isn’t calling then they’re just not interested.
Yes it’s true that if they aren’t calling you then they aren’t into you, in some cases but in the tradition of empathy let’s say you have your wires crossed.
Let’s assume that your potential date really is busy or they somehow believe that you aren’t interested. For the sake of argument let’s say they lost your number. It happens!
There are times in dating when the other person is just as afraid to make the first move as you are so it can be helpful to be proactive and call or contact your date if you haven’t heard from them.
We all become in patient in dating when we feel the process isn’t moving fast enough. It’s likely that your potential date will follow up when they’re ready but the real question becomes: Can you wait that long? Are you patient, and/or confident enough, to believe that he or she hasn’t found anyone better?
DON’T CALL
Just to remind them that you exist.
They know! She hasn’t forgotten about you and he didn’t forget that he said he would call. If you truly believe that the two of you had great chemistry then call and invite your date somewhere fun but don’t expect them to jump into hot pursuit of you. Realize that even if they accept the date it doesn’t mean that they’re interested in dating you.
DON’T CALL
If (s)he said (s)he would call you and hasn’t.
The fact that you’re paying that close attention means that you need to dial down your feelings about this person. Something might have come up. Don’t get anxious or wait by your phone because you feel forgotten about. Give them a chance to call you, a week max, if you haven’t heard from them then call.
Note: Be pleasant and upbeat. Don’t give them the third degree about what they’ve been up to or why you haven’t heard from them. Chances are, if you don’t have a pleasant conversation, you won’t hear from them again.
DON’T CALL
Unless you had a great time together. Great dates don’t happen often. If you feel like you had a blast together and you truly think there’s potential for more, then call.
If your last date wasn’t a blast then she/he won’t call and neither should you, unless it’s to apologize.
Evaluate the last time that you were together and consider on a scale of one to ten how amazing it was. If you truly had a great time, but haven’t heard from them, then call. Remind your date about something you talked about on the date, remind them of how much fun you had and tell him/her you’d like to do it again.
The key to knowing when you should call is patience.
- Are you giving them enough time to miss you?
- Do you know enough about their lifestyle to understand why he/she hasn’t called?
- Are you displaying high value in your actions?
Next, figure out why you’re so concerned. Are you really interested in them or are you just afraid of rejection? Do you take their “not calling” as a sign that you’re a loser, ugly, un-dateable or destined to be alone?
Never get so wrapped up in someone you’ve just met to the point where you put your own life on hold.
No man is interested in dating a woman who will put her life on hold for him or bend over backwards to be with him before she knows him. No woman is interested in dating a man who pursues her so feverishly it’s borderline stalking.
Have a little confidence and recognize that if your date hasn’t called or returned yours -you are still amazing either way. I hope this was helpful.