The 3 Missing Pieces To A Nearly Perfect Relationship

This year I’m dedicated to finding a happy, healthy, meaningful romantic relationship. Why, you might ask because this is The Dating Truth? We should all be singling and mingling forever right?

While I enjoy the freedom that comes with dating successfully, after having done it for so long, I’ve stopped growing. I haven’t stopped learning things about myself but I am stunted in my ability to improve in the areas I am flawed because I lack a partner to heal my emotional wounds.

I realize most singles can’t find satisfaction in dating unless they know where the courtship is going. So while I know loads about dating and can still change your single experience, I know most of my readers would rather be in love. And furthermore be loved. Because I believe that love and connection are the byproducts of good dating, I’m moving forward in my own life. I also believe that maybe my views on what makes a great relationship are a little unrealistic idealistic but while I’m jaded and happy I want to share my thoughts.

When feelings start to develop our perception becomes a gift and a curse. We look at some behaviors as the ultimate symbols of our partners’ love, letting minor acts of kindness and affection often going unnoticed.

But in relationships it’s the little things that make up the big picture of what a generous, fulfilling love truly is. It’s the small acts and qualities that we can’t let slip past our radar without appreciation. Not only it is imperative that these behaviors be apart of your relationship, for it to be successful, its paramount that you acknowledge and appreciate such actions with gratitude.

If you want to embark on a healthy relationship, you won’t get far without these critical character traits in your man partner. (In my opinion)

Care

Noun: The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.
Verb: Feel concern or interest; attach importance to something: “they don’t care about human life”.
Synonyms: Worry – concern – attention – solicitude

General concern for your partner’s well-being is essential for a healthy relationship. It’s not irrational to be alarmed if the man you’re dating doesn’t call you, text you or try to contact you in some capacity to find out if you’re still alive. Should you talk everyday, probably. Should you let work, friends or other responsibilities get in the way of showing concern for the person you’re dating, probably not?

Thoughtfulness

Engrossed in thought; contemplative.
Exhibiting or characterized by careful thought: a thoughtful essay.
Having or showing heed for the well-being or happiness of others and a propensity for anticipating their needs or wishes <— THIS!

It takes a special person to pay attention to the needs and desires of the person they’re dating. It takes a certain will and want, to anticipate such needs and desires. In a happy, healthy, healing relationship it’s necessary to be thoughtful. To think ahead to what your partner might need. When you think something might be a ‘good idea’ it’s important that you act on it. Making coffee in the morning, thoughtful. Offering to do a favor, thoughtful.

Support

Verb: Bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.
Noun: A thing that bears the weight of something or keeps it upright: “the best support for a camera is a tripod”.
Synonyms: Sustain – maintain – uphold – bear – back – favour

Knowing what I know about healing emotional wounds, I’ve learned it’s almost impossible to do it alone. We need support in our relationships. Not only do we need encouragement and congratulations, we need someone to be in our corner. To put it simply if the person you’re dating doesn’t think you can, it’s unlikely that you will. Often times, we look for approval from our partners and in the best relationships it comes.

Does someone have to love you to be supportive, of course not! Many people had parents they didn’t feel were too great on the support front but in a healthy relationship support is critical.

Does this sound ideal or unreal? Is it possible to find a thoughtful, caring, supportive man or woman?

Thoughts?

Comments (2)

Brian Jan 25, 2012 at 7:59AM

You missed sexual attraction and the 3 core values to every relationship. I think the 3 values you put forth all have to do with care which makes me assume (remember I’m assuming, don’t hurt me) that you really feel like previous partners never cared much or enough about you and really let you down. If you deeply care for the other person, support and thoughtfulness naturally follow. That is if you are consciously aware of how much you love the other person and what the point of being together is. Yes, you want to grow together, it’s essential because you’re one but I disagree that you cannot conquer any part of yourself without the help of someone you love. Growth always comes from within and that includes emotional wounds. That’s your strength after a breakup or death. To be honest you’re leaning on the other person to fix you so to speak (hey hey don’t hurt me!). Why? A healthy relationship demands two emotionally healthy mature adults that are on the same page. By the way, are you the same person as the one in the videos? WOOOOOOOOO! I don’t even remember what you said.

I need to contain myself.

Miss Solomon Jan 25, 2012 at 8:53AM

Thank you for the comment. To address your first point, it’s true, I’ve had men in past relationships that were a disappointment when it came to the thoughtful and care categories but what I was relatiing was my estimation by the many stories I hear of others’ relationships. While it seems we should have a natural propensity for these behaviors if we like someone, they aren’t always expressed. To your next point of how you heal emotional wounds, it was based on the imago theory by Dr. Harville Hendrix, its a theory that I believe in. When you look at why many people have failed relationships (Dr. Hendrix being divorced himself) it makes alot of sense to me. I have read several of his books and I deeply agree with his theories. As far as physical attraction goes, it is important but if you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner, I believe that it’s secondary. Attraction is something that can wane when other needs aren’t met. Thanks for your comment, and thanks for reading!