Being single is your choice, even though it might not have been your intention. It’s hard to talk about being single without the philosophical rhetoric of ‘single people are single because they choose to be’.
Well, yes. Life is all about choices and we are where we are because of the choices we’ve made. The reality of it, whether you call it denial or circumstance; many people don’t feel like being single is their choice.
Being single is the subsequent result of many of your choices, but not a deliberate one.
It’s like being broke.
Surely your spending habits led to the direct result of your poverty but you did not decide before you started that shopping spree to be broke. Unfortunately your desire for things trumped your desire for money and there you are squeezing the last dime out of your savings to pay your phone bill.
So let’s all agree that your actions have led to you being single, despite your lack of declaration to be so.
I have had many opportunities in my life to be married. Had I wanted marriage above all else, I would probably have been a Mrs. several years ago. I made the choice, not to remain single but to avoid marriage, which inevitably led me to where I am today. Unmarried.
I want to ask you, and please be honest, what were you running from? You might not have realized until now (as I’m pointing it out to you) that you decided, for whatever reason, that being married or the girlfriend/boyfriend of your last option was not what you wanted.
Why?
For those who have been dumped and would love to be married to their ex, it still falls back to those damned choices. When you had the opportunity to make being with them forever your priority, you wavered. You were ambivalent. You shrugged and said, ‘ I’m not sure I could see myself with this person forever, for ever ever…’
Instead of declaring at the moment this person was who you wanted beyond doubt, you doubted. Now you’re single.
Avoiding the decision has made the decision for you. If you can’t admit without the shadow of a doubt that you want a partner, a spouse a soulmate etc. the chances of you having one are slim to none.
Of course there are exceptions, but just because it has happened doesn’t mean it will happen to you. And when did you get so certain that you were the lucky one to be an exception? When has your life been so charmed that you think you will be the one to find love without looking, wanting or will?
I applaud your confidence.
The truth is many singles are afraid to admit that they want someone. They fear their desire will seem like desperation. They will be perceived as unhappy alone. For more reasons that I can name, singles are addicted to ambivalence. If you admit we want relationships, commitment and spouses we will face devastation when we don’t get it.
Acting like you don’t want what you want won’t make you want it any less.
My advice to you is to decide now that you don’t want to be single the same way you don’t want to be broke. Just because you claim your right to a relationship doesn’t mean one will fall into your life tomorrow.
No great wealth is amassed overnight, but the desire to have it starts long before it’s acquisition.
Thoughts?