Most people can’t imagine, for the life of them, why they are still single.

The first thought that comes to mind is typically, ‘I haven’t met the right person’. If you’ve found yourself wondering why the right person hasn’t come into your life, or why you seem to scare all of your options in dating away. Even if you just don’t have the faintest idea why you haven’t been able to connect with someone and get into a relationship, this article is for you.

The Right One Isn’t a Description

In order to get into a relationship, you have to be crystal clear on who you want to date,

This isn’t debatable. For single men and women who argue that so-and-so didn’t have a list, or point out a couple they know who just met and fell in love, there are hundreds of couples who did have lists. Who knew exactly what they wanted from a partner and set out to find it.

If this seems unromantic or excessive to you, then you are not looking for love, you’re trying to get lucky. On one hand, we have no idea what our lives are going to consist of. The events of our existence are not up to us. They are unpredictable. It is still worthwhile to at least pretend to steer the ship. It’s worthwhile to support the universe with clarity.

Who are you looking for?

Chances are, the reason that you are single right now is that you aren’t clear on who you’re looking for. Most single people are fixated on the idea of ‘the right one’. This is the person that you’re just going to click with. The chemistry will be there, the attraction, the conversation, everything will just fall into place so perfectly that you will know immediately that you were meant to be together.

The tricky part being, getting them to agree.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find ‘the one’ or ‘the right one’, but in order to do so successfully, you have to have the exact description of whom this person is. It must be a little clearer than just a feeling.

Imagine looking for a restaurant, but you have no idea what the name of the place is. You also aren’t sure what type of food they sell. You’ve also never been there before, you can’t describe it, and even though these details are beyond you, somehow you know that you will know it once you get there.

It sounds as ridiculous as your plan for finding love. If you want to meet the right person for you, you have to get clear on who that is. You have to create a description in your mind of whom this person is.

• What are the characteristics about them that make them different from the ‘wrong ones’?
• What do you already know about this person that can help you identify them quickly?

Without this level of clarity, it is guaranteed that you will never meet anyone you like, much less someone you believe is the right one.

Almost everyone in a relationship will admit that they knew pretty quickly that there was a connection with their partner that they wanted to explore. It didn’t take weeks, or months, or years.

Most couples know almost immediately that they have found someone special. While some people write down with specificity who they want to meet, others just know their core belief, and they never accept anyone less.

If you haven’t made a list of the qualities that you want in a partner, and you’re still engaging with people who may or may not have those qualities. Then you are not going to meet the love of your life anytime soon.

You Absolutely Have to Raise Your Standards

This might be the singular most important piece of dating advice that I can offer; you will never miss out on the right person.

Single adults are so committed to the concept of the right person that they somehow overlook the most significant characteristic is that the person wants to be with you. When someone wants to be with you, there is nothing you can do to chase them away. They will not be deterred. Even if they wanted to. If you accept whatever comes your way in dating, then you are wasting too much time with people who are only there to do that; waste your time.

Having high standards and raising your standards are not the same. What you’ve always done won’t take you to where you want to be. If you have always accepted less than what you’ve wanted or anything that isn’t EXACTLY what you’ve wanted now is the time more than ever to raise your standards.

Ideally, once you get clear on who it is you want to date, you should absolutely never accept anyone else. Raising your standards means accepting only what you want. It means having requirements when it comes to dating you.

The fact that you’re not clear on what you want means that your standards aren’t high enough. It means you’ll likely accept less than what you want if you think the other person likes you. You don’t think you deserve what you really want, so you’ve already resigned yourself to settling.

How to stop being single

No matter how you go about taking control of your love life, or whether you do or not, relationships have one blueprint. You have to meet people, you have to bond with them, and you have to agree to be committed to each other. Whatever happens outside of that, is almost out of your control. Knowing these steps, the process then to getting into a relationship should become clearer than ever.

You have to meet people.

• It doesn’t matter how, and it doesn’t matter where. If you aren’t meeting at least 2-3 new people per week, then your chances of finding anyone, much less thee one, are slim to none.

You have to bond with people

• Making a friend starts with trust. Whether you find romance in a connection, you still have to ve open to connecting. Relationships are about that connection. If you aren’t building somewhat of a bond with your dates, they won’t progress to a relationship.

You have to be honest with people

• Too often, singles don’t get what they want because they are afraid to ask for it. You have to be honest with the people that you meet and date. You have to tell them, I’m looking for something serious. If they are not, then it’s best that you don’t engage. That simple.

It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, insecure, or just too nervous, if you aren’t clear about your intentions, then you are essentially lying. The minute to fail to disclose that you want a long term relationship, or something serious, you are putting up a wall that is almost guaranteed to keep you from finding a partner.

This is how you get a relationship

If you aren’t honest with yourself about what you want, you can forget about getting into a relationship. The people who find themselves coupled up are those who were pursued or were in pursuit. It doesn’t just happen, despite what you might believe. One person pursues the other or vice versa, so if you aren’t willing to chase or be chased, you’ll remain single.

Get crystal clear on what you want in a relationship, even if you aren’t sure on who. And then say it. Say it out loud. If you can’t do that, then you will NEVER fall in love. You can have your fear, or you can fall in love, but you can’t do both. In the end, it is this fear that you are holding on to that’s stopping you from taking the steps necessary to find love.

Let go of the fear, embrace these steps and find clarity, and be honest about what you want. If you can manage this, you will get a relationship faster than ever before.