Don’t try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough. ~Arthur Freed
Recently a friend of mine tagged me in Facebook in a note, one of my least favorite things. Usually I ignore notes as they’re often mindless rants about something I don’t give a shit about but this one caught my eye. Mainly due to the title: Why is it so difficult to find a woman with great qualities?
I thought about this whole-heartedly because I wanted to give a great answer not just to my friend, who concurs his friends’ grapple with the same dilemma constantly but to my readers. And trust me I know the answer! But before we get to that, I want you to read in his own words, what this man wants in a woman.
This isn’t me telling you what men are looking for. This is a MAN telling you what men are looking for.
Now, if you’re anything like me unless Paul Walker tags me in a note, I could careless about what any other man wants. Men will get what I give them but if you’re not like me, (but just as smart obviously because you’re reading this blog) you might be curious to the validity of my friend’s desires.
Let’s face it, we all want a great partner but if we aren’t wonderful ourselves that aspiration is simply unrealistic. The reality of being picky in today’s dating market is that; many people just can’t afford to be if they contribute less value than who they desire. You can’t buy a Bentley with Honda money so if you aren’t a qualified buyer you need to get your ass off the lot.
Hill Harper often suggests that too many women vie for that 5% of men that the entire population is lusting over. No matter what she may have to offer most women want that good job having, ivy-league educated, raised in a good home with no kids and has a subscription to Esquire magazine kind of man. The man who would buy everyone drinks, knows how to be a gentleman and has been to Asia kind of man.
The kind of man that when she tell her friends, “Girl, you know what this man did?” It’s going to be good news and they’ll all be jealous. Well, I know this man and he’s trying to tell the good women of the world, what he wants.
To my friends who may be able to offer some type of solace. Why is it so difficult to find a smart, ambitious, beautiful, feminine, fashionable, classy, non-drama-having, non-prejudice, modest, cool, girl? Why you may ask do I list these qualities, well here is the reasoning.
1. I like smart girls. They don’t have to be a PhD or have as many degrees as me, but they must be smart be able to hold a conversation and have an opinion. I said have an opinion! In fact, let me digress there is a difference between having an opinion about a topic and speaking your mind when appropriate. Learn the difference.
2. I prefer ambitious women who have not become complacent with their situation. Improvement is always welcome. Independence is fantastic.
3. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman and a beautiful woman in my eyes is not the same as the world’s eyes.
4. I like girly girls. Being feminine is not over rated, we know you’re a woman; don’t try to hang with the boys.
5. I like to look good. I like to be with a woman who has a sense of style, who looks good, if not for herself, than for me. Additionally being able to “clean up” well is a good trait, especially when the little black dress comes out.
6. Classy is so I can rule out all “ghetto-ness”. I wasn’t born in the hood, I am not from the hood, I’m not going to the hood, and I have nothing to do with the hood. So don’t bring that bullsh*t to my table. I’m not in the mood for a confrontation; I’m in the mood for a conversation.
7. I don’t like drama. We all have family issues, money issues, school issues, work issues, etc., but beyond that I don’t have time for baby mamas, baby daddies, children, and all other nonsense. Keep the drama at home. By the way if you have any of the latter, I’m not interested.
8. I’m sick and tired of meeting women who have preconceived notions and stereotypes about black men. I am not every black man! Read that again, I AM NOT EVERY BLACK MAN. I am not your past boyfriends, I am not your future boyfriend, I am the present. Get your mind right ladies.
9. I don’t like the girls who think their sh*t don’t stink. You’re sh*t smells just as much as the next one’s. In fact, your smug attitude makes you worse off. Go clean yourself.
10. Cool girls are much better than wack girls. The cooler a girl is the more attractive she is. Every man knows this. Look ladies, just be COOL if you know what I’m talking about then you already understand, if you don’t know, go ask someone.
To those I may have offended I’m sorry, and to those with an opinion, your comments are welcome.
In my opinion, he has a right to raise his standards when it comes to dating. He’s worked considerably hard to be a person of quality, character, substantial intelligence and he’s pretty cute. And Ladies, I want you to get this man, I do. I’m no matchmaker but you shouldn’t have to settle when the men you’re looking for are also looking for you! So why can’t you two find each other?
That’s a really great question, one that I will answer tomorrow.
Do you think this woman exist or are these qualities unrealistic? The Dating Truth wants to know?
*The Bachelor/author hails from Massachusetts. When he’s not being incredibly sexy and smart earning his Ph’D in Milwaukee, he enjoys flying planes as well as shopping.