Most single people fear coming across as desperate. Although its possible for someone to mistake your kindness or flirtation as romantic interest, it’s usually the people who feel desperate that fear coming across that way.
But what if you want a relationship really, really, badly?
It’s perfectly normal to want a relationship. What you have to ask yourself is why you want a relationship with:
- someone you don’t really know
- someone who you don’t really like
- someone who is less that you want
Why, because we all want to feel validated and accepted.
When someone commits to a relationship with us they’re committing to meeting our emotional needs, giving us attention and affection and hopefully loving us. That kind of partnership can make us feel complete. Not only are we cared about but we can also care about someone else.
Unfortunately, most singles aren’t very good at articulating what they need. Instead of approaching potential dates as opportunities for relationships, they’re immediately ready to jump into a union.
Your enthusiasm might be scaring away the very people you want to attract. So no matter how much you want a relationship, avoid the following behaviors. If you can.
Having sex too soon.
If you want a serious relationship with someone you should refrain from sleeping with them for as long as possible.
Now I know about the girl and guy who had a one night stand then got married or the couple who had a fling once, one summer have been together ever since. That ain’t you!
You can try as hard as you like to become the exception to the rule but why waste time trying? What do you have to prove, that your genitals are ruled by the commitment fairy?
What does sex mean to you that it can’t wait, or you can’t have it with someone else? When you rush sex, you almost ensure that you’ll never be in a long-term relationship with the person you’re interested in.
Seeing someone more than once a week
The biggest turn off in all of dating (well at least a top 5) is singles with too much gahtdamn time.
You should have a life, a career, friends and family who take up 100% of your time. You should be too busy to make time to see a stranger more than once a week, for at least a month.
Don’t make the mistake of making time for someone just because it feels good or you don’t want to be lonely. If you are lonely it will show. When you don’t set boundaries with your time, you become subject to seeming “easy”. Once you’re seen as easy, you’re treated as eager.
Eager is just another word for desperate.
Saying you hate being single
Singles tend to mention how much they hate dating and being single. As unfortunate as it is to you, you ARE single. It sounds like you hate a part of your life that’s out of your control to fix, which sounds like you’re a reject.
If you accepted being single, even embraced it, others would assume that you’re waiting to choose the right person. When you complain about dating, you make it seem like you’re waiting to be chosen.
The fact that you haven’t been indicates that something is might be wrong with you.
Your desperation is a feeling like you’re running out of time and options. It’s a belief that you have to be chosen or saved from being single and that’s not the case. If you want a partner or lifelong love you have to be willing to set boundaries, be patient and place high value on yourself. That will cure you of your desperation in the first place.
Thoughts?