There is a known formula in the nightclub industry – invite women and the men will follow. Men often inquire how they can attract more women but they fail to look at the most simple, and obvious answer; try.
Most men, if you think about their approach to dating are way too focused on what other men think. They might know that women like a well-groomed, fashionable man but they don’t put any effort in how they dress. They might understand that women are into yoga classes, or makeup but they never step foot in a yoga studio, let alone a Sephora.
None of these subjects might appeal to you – fashion, fitness, or makeup. But think about this – do you know what the women that you’re interested in dating actually care about, and are you tailoring your approach, and appeal, to that audience?
If you want to attract women – meaning have women find you attractive, and go out of their way to get your attention – then you have to take action on the following.
Care About Your Looks
Women care about your looks, so should you. Do the next woman you date a favor by thinking about this. She’s single. She has been single for awhile. Her best friend has an amazing boyfriend, and her cousin just got engaged. She’s ready to find a relationship, and she’s interested in getting to know you better.
This is your opportunity to really help her out.
Consider that she wants to impress her friends, her family, her colleagues, and other people in her life. She wants to make a good impression when she FINALLY brings a guy around. She wants to feel good about herself when she’s with you. The women that don’t know you quite yet, are judging you on your appearance.
Why? Because that’s how they are judged. We can only speak the language we are taught.
Women who ignore appearance, or place less importance on appearance, are doing so to improve their chances of finding a partner. Not because looks don’t matter. Right or wrong your looks indeed matter. Looking good is not as important as wanting to look good, or at least trying to look good. An attempt can go a long way.
If you tell yourself that your looks don’t matter, or that how you look isn’t important then you’re actually being unsympathetic to what women have to go through on a regular basis. Women face judgement and criticism based on their looks. Right, or wrong, how a woman looks is something that she endures everyday.
By looking good, or caring about how you look, you show yourself as an ally. You show that you understand, at least a small aspect of a woman’s life. It means that you sympathize with the harsh, critical, expectations of women.
All of this because you decided to shave? Absolutely.
A man that cares about his looks, and decides to invest in his appearance does so for two reasons. He is aware of the value of looking good, and he understands the challenge women face in having to look good.
Stop Being Nice by Default
The inconvenient truth, that most men who are considered “nice” don’t want to accept, is that if they actually had an alternative they wouldn’t be so accommodating. What do I mean by that? If any guy who felt like he was being “too nice” to a woman felt like he had another option, he would take that option.
His “niceness” stems from an identity that he developed long before he even started dating. If you want to be attractive to women you have to behave like you have options, and do your best to act out of desire, and not obligation.
Women have great awareness when it comes to desire. They can tell when other women are interested in a guy or not. You can’t fake having other options. You either believe that you do, or you don’t. If your behavior is driven by your lack of options, which is thirst or desperation, then a woman isn’t going to be attracted to you. In fact, she might take advantage of your insecurity, and exploit it.
Instead of approaching a woman because you want her attention on you, approach a woman with genuine curiosity. Have a: who are you and what are you about attitude. Instead of a: can you give me attention and possibly sex attitude. So how can you tell the difference?
When you’re approaching women, if you’re thinking of all the things you have to give, instead of the things that you want to get, you’re in the right mindset. If you approach a woman and you’re already thinking about how much dinner is going to cost, or if you’ll have to buy her a drink, then you’re using the wrong approach.
If you want to attract more women, and have more women find you attractive, you have to be conscious of if you’re being nice because you think you have to be, or if you’re being nice because you’re truly curious about her.
Have Goals for Yourself
When it comes to dating advice it’s good to remember that no matter what actions you choose to take, it’s you who need to live with the results. Most men might argue that they have goals in dating but when they look at their actions, it’s easy to see that they don’t. If you take a long, hard look at the pickup industry the reason it was so successful is because it offered men a goal to achieve. Whether the man was actually confident, he was able to take confident action because he wanted to accomplish a goal.
So how do you create a goal that works for you? And why should you have a goal in the first place?
Having a goal in dating helps to reinforce your self-esteem. You have to decide what you’re capable of, and you have to anchor yourself in something. If you set goals for yourself, you’re more likely to take the necessary actions to achieve them. Women are attracted to men who seem to “know what they’re doing” even if they don’t.
Your goals don’t have to be totally outrageous. They should support your identity as someone that is worthy of love. If you approach dating by letting the market, i.e the women that you meet define who you are, it might be very hard on your self-esteem. If you define yourself by how people treat you, but never take action to reinforce what you believe about yourself, then you’ll forever struggle with low self-esteem.
As the saying goes: stupid is as stupid does, and confidence is as confidence does. Take the actions that support how you feel about yourself, and you’ll attract more women than you ever imagined.